Children and violence

ska_lover

I have a very different opinion on this - as a parent.

Teachers will always say the 'no hitting....ever' thing to children. Of course they will...teachers want a quiet life, stress free life , an easy job and they do not want the hassle with parents, or potential getting sued or police involvement.

A Teachers involvement ends, at the end of a school year. Being a parent is for life.

A Child running to a teacher to tell them that you have been hit or bullied often makes matters worse, as the teachers cannot guard them 24/7 and make sure a child is not being bullied behind the bike sheds, or on the way home - where is the teacher going to be then to prevent them getting their head kicked in and prove that their teachings were correct?

Teaching children to allow themselves to become victims is not something I agree with I am afraid, however easy a life it makes for the teachers. Teaching children to walk away will make them easy pray. The bully will come back and get them again...because they know they can....but hey, as long as school rules are followed, teachers do not have to deal with the fall out do they..

As a parent, I always taught my DS to hit back. I am proud that I did.

ska_lover

pinkshoes wrote: »

If kids learn to lash out at this age, who are they going to hit when they are older? A partner that has annoyed them?

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No, you are reading WAY too much into it.

OP are you quite a new teacher? You seem completely shocked, by what really does not seem that shocking to me

Bullying in schools has gone on since time began. Those who become victims can go on to have serious problems in later life. I knew a girl at school who was bullied and never once stood up for herself, she used to take it day by day. Now she is nearly 40 and has never worked a day in her life, she has mental health issues and social phobia, which I am sure were not helped by the years of being a victim.

poet123

It is a hard one for me. I know from personal experience that if someone thinks you are an easy target then they will keep on hitting you. If you hit them back they will very likely stop. That is what happened to me.

So, as a parent I have always told my kids that if someone hits them I would stand by them if they hit them back. I know schools and teachers cannot condone this, but until every child can be guaranteed not to be put in that position that would be my advice.

FBaby

Does the same applies with verbal violence? If someone shouts an insult to your kids you tell them it is ok to retort with a similar nasty insult?

poet123

FBaby wrote: »

I much much prefer to teach my kids to be assertive than that it is ok to hit back. Assertive kids don't get pick on/bullied, yet don't have to be bullied either. I was never bullied nor ever bullied anyone, nor did my parents, nor did my kids. You don't have to be one of the other.

I was quite an assertive child, but I was bullied at the age of about 5 by a boy who was my age but much bigger. I stopped him in his tracks by not running home crying on the last occasion, but by turning and defending myself and despite his size he couldn't compete with the cold fury. I did that because my mother had tried to speak to him, to his parents, and nothing made a difference. Hitting him back did, he never bothered me again.

I was also bullied at the age of 10 by a girl of 15, that time I used words to get the upper hand, as she had used words to terrify and intimidate me. I suppose it is a case of turning the tables with their own method of attack.

Guest101

pinkshoes wrote: »

I'm a Y7 tutor, and one of my form group (aged 11) got into a fight the other day with another 11 year old.

I had a chat with him about it, and told him that under no circumstances was it EVER* ok to hit anyone, even if they have hit you.

He told me that if someone hits you, then you should hit them back harder. His dad told him!

Some of the other boys then agreed with this, and said their parents had also told them the same thing, or they had heard their parents referring to hitting someone or wanting to hit someone!

I feel quite annoyed that parents are passing on the message that violence is acceptable.

EDIT:
*by using the word "ever", I am speaking of situations where the person has the opportunity to walk away. I am under not circumstances referring to those trapped against their own will and need to fight back to escape

Agree with the parents. I'd rather my sons could defend themselves than be a victim.

Not fighting back leads to bullying in the short term, worse psychological damage in the long term.

All 3 will be taught the same thing, never start a fight, but be ready to finish it. Frankly I believe it's better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6, and the level of violence that is reported on mainstream media is shocking. U can say it won't happen to your kids, but those parents probably thought the same thing!

missindecisive

As a first time parent, I instilled into my eldest that on no account was he to go hitting out at anybody first. Violence was totally unacceptable. He was to tell a teacher if anyone hit him.
Fast foward a few years, after being punched and kicked quite a few times, the teachers seemed to have little control over the situation, their punishments to the aggressor did nothing, the bullying continued. I went into school time and time again, only to discover that their hands where somewhat 'tied' and the situation was not improving. So I told him to 'hit' back.
He gets left well alone now..no-one will try it with him, they know he's not a soft touch. He's turned out to be a very well adjusted young individual..he' s happy and well liked by his peers, meanwhile the bullys have moved onto new victims. Its a shame but unfortunately thats the way it will be until teachers are given back the powers for more effective punishments.

balletshoes

FBaby wrote: »

Does the same applies with verbal violence? If someone shouts an insult to your kids you tell them it is ok to retort with a similar nasty insult?

i see a difference - in my opinion, ignoring and not biting back when faced with insults/name-calling is more effective, as if the instigator isn't getting a reaction from you, they tend to stop/move on.

If someone is being physically violent towards you, they are, I think, more likely to continue with it if you don't stand up for yourself, because you're seen as an easy target.

The easy target in a name-calling/insult confrontation is the one who "bites" - they know they've got under your skin then.

poet123

balletshoes wrote: »

i see a difference - in my opinion, ignoring and not biting back when faced with insults/name-calling is more effective, as if the instigator isn't getting a reaction from you, they tend to stop/move on.

If someone is being physically violent towards you, they are, I think, more likely to continue with it if you don't stand up for yourself, because you're seen as an easy target.

The easy target in a name-calling/insult confrontation is the one who "bites" - they know they've got under your skin then.

I agree, I was told and in turn told my kids that name calling should be ignored, that a reaction was the desired effect and that stooping to their level was not the way forward.

gunsandbanjos

I'll hold my hands up to being a "bad" parent and telling my daughter if someone hits you hit them back harder. And I would have no problem explaining myself to any teacher who had a problem with it.
Unfortunately my daughter isn't confident enough to defend herself and was horrifically bullied for several years, I reckon if she'd hit the little scrote that bullied her early then the bullying would have subsided.
He picked on her because she was an easy target, she's TINY for her age and has several complex medical issues.
The school were abysmal at dealing with it.