Relationship issues

fluffnutter

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Yes I have brought it up on numerous occasions and he says things will develop when the times right. He has said he will try a bit harder but after a while it goes back to square one again. I am getting a bit fed up with hearing this to be honest,as another poster has mentioned I have been damn patient with him and I'm beginning to lose my rag!

I also have 2 kids who are 18 and 14,he has met them lots of times and they all get on well. He has been separated for nearly 4 years so not something new and we definetly don't want any children together lol.

The annoying thing is that we do love going out together and enjoy each other's company immensely. He is a good listener and is a very sensible person who works hard. I have got admiration for him in that respect. This is why I am finding this so difficult and just don't know which way to turn.

There is definetly no other parties involved on either side so I know he's no cheating on me.
I am still in love with him and I really care for him deeply and I know he feels the same way,but as my friend said he wants the relationship but on his terms. I just can't bear the thought of being without him to be honest:(

He's got what he wants really, lovey. Why does he need to commit any more? He has great company, sex when he wants it, yet gets to keep those aspects of his life that he wants to private. It's all on his terms really. People do commit at different rates but it's been nearly two years. Just how long are you supposed to wait? I wouldn't be happy - I think relationships need to move forward else they stagnate and die. Only you can decide whether what he's offering is enough. If not, then perhaps you need to move on.

19lottie82

OP, you have been posting on here re your partner for over a year...... I don't think you're happy and your relationship doesn't seem to be progressing.


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4801142=

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4726253=

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4654537=

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4486601=

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4181787=

vodkachick68

19lottie82 wrote: »

OP, you have been posting on here re your partner for over a year...... I don't think you're happy and your relationship doesn't seem to be progressing.


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4801142=

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4726253=

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4654537=

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4486601=

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4181787=

Yes I know i have posted a few threads over the year,obviously I am not 100% happy or I wouldn't be on here posting again would I?
I don't think there is any need for you to show every single thread that I have put on here regarding my relationship is there?

I can see why you have done it but,I am finding this whole situation difficult enough without reminders of what I have previously posted:o

paulineb_2

I think to be fair, when you post some people are going to remember that youve posted a few times already.

fairy_lights

Two years and you still haven't met any of his family? what about his friends? That would ring alarm bells for me, if he doesn't want to introduce you to the people close to him you have to wonder what he could be hiding from you. You say there are no other people involved, but can you be sure of that?

Amanda65

To be fair OP I don't think the links to the other threads are anything other than a reminder to yourself that, looking back on them, this has been something you have been unhappy with for about a year now.

To my mind, if you are still in the same situation then things are unlikely to change and therefore you either have to accept that the 'good' bits of your relationship are enough and find ways to cope with it or decide that, however much you love your OH, he is not going to be the person you want him to be and, even though it will be hard, walk away as it seems as though he will never truly give you what you need / want.

Please don't think I am saying this will be easy but it sounds as though you could be happier in the long run.

vodkachick68

paulineb wrote: »

I think to be fair, when you post some people are going to remember that youve posted a few times already.

Ok I think I may of been a bit hasty with what I posted and as I have said I can see why it was done.

JoW123

Amanda65 wrote: »

To be fair OP I don't think the links to the other threads are anything other than a reminder to yourself that, looking back on them, this has been something you have been unhappy with for about a year now.

To my mind, if you are still in the same situation then things are unlikely to change and therefore you either have to accept that the 'good' bits of your relationship are enough and find ways to cope with it or decide that, however much you love your OH, he is not going to be the person you want him to be and, even though it will be hard, walk away as it seems as though he will never truly give you what you need / want.

Please don't think I am saying this will be easy but it sounds as though you could be happier in the long run.

I think Amanda65 has summed it up perfectly. Whilst you love him, he is not giving you back what you want in a relationship. Some people would be happy with it, some wouldn't, but the point is that you aren't really, and that's what matters.

FBaby

I know a number of middle age women in the sane situation forming a relationship witha man with a past and living the uncertainty of the future with them, myself included. I to for to the point of questioning my partner's intentions to commit and that was after him giving me a lot more than yours. I never got to the stage you're in wondering whether to go or not because nothing changes but I certainly made it very clear to my partner that he could forget us remaining as we were forever and that my patience would only last so long. It is no one's fault. I respected the fact that my partner had a lot more to lose from committing to me than I and that from his perspective things were fine as they were. Thankfully he took the plunge and we have both been so much happier since.

I agree that if you only make a bit of fuss there and then and gradually running out of steam to change be him he only has less and less incentives to show any form of commitment. 2 years is not a reasonable wait to meet someone's family when they pretend to be in a serious relationship whatever the obstacles regardless of what he might try to convince you of.

GBNI

Are you sure he's really separated?

(Sorry to be blunt, but no nice way to ask that!)