Relationship issues

JoW123

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Thanks Pauline you talk a lot of sense:o as I have previously posted I am a very lovey dovey person and sometimes feel that I don't get it back from him. Funny thing is I know that he loves me and wants to be with me so god knows why I'm always looking for reassurance. I think I also take things to heart too much and am too sensitive which doesn't help either.

As for the meeting of the kids I do understand why people would say gosh haven't you met them yet blah blah but he obviously has his reasons and all I can do is wait until he is ready for that to happen and gently remind him along the way that it would be nice to meet them soon.

I'm really sorry but I think you are just trying to convince yourself. Pauline talks a lot of sense because she has given you the opinion you wanted.|It's your call but I honestly think you will be feeling exactly the same in 6 months time, and still wont have met the kids.

fluffnutter

He's just not that into you.

paulineb_2

JoW123 wrote: »

I'm really sorry but I think you are just trying to convince yourself. Pauline talks a lot of sense because she has given you the opinion you wanted.|It's your call but I honestly think you will be feeling exactly the same in 6 months time, and still wont have met the kids.

Actually, Pauline gave her own opinion. I didnt make the post I made to try and soften any upset the OP is feeling, people will have different opinions on the leave him situation. Its up to the OP, I made it clear in previous posts that if she wasnt happy and wanted to leave him and move on, her call.

JoW123

paulineb wrote: »

Actually, Pauline gave her own opinion. I didnt make the post I made to try and soften any upset the OP is feeling, people will have different opinions on the leave him situation. Its up to the OP, I made it clear in previous posts that if she wasnt happy and wanted to leave him and move on, her call.

Sorry Pauline, I worded that badly. I didn't mean that you were trying to soften the blow, I meant that I thought your comment was the one she wanted to hear as opposed to some of the others. I didn't mean to dismiss your opinion. I apologise.

paulineb_2

JoW123 wrote: »

Sorry Pauline, I worded that badly. I didn't mean that you were trying to soften the blow, I meant that I thought your comment was the one she wanted to hear as opposed to some of the others. I didn't mean to dismiss your opinion. I apologise.

Thats ok. I just wanted to clarify that Ive been in situations where Ive been dating men who are divorced and it hasnt bothered me whether I met their kids or not. Mainly because it had to be their call, a couple of people Ive dated their kids were still young, 5 and 8 or so and I do think at that age you need to consider introducing someone to your kids and will it last, kids getting fond of you and then you split and they get upset. I know the kids in this situation are older, but I dont think its necessarily wrong to be wary if you have been hurt before, its a natural reaction.

I have also dated someone who was divorced and who had 3 kids and I never met them in a year or so of seeing him and absolutely by accident I found out he had got married not long after I stopped seeing him. His gf lived about 35 miles away so we never crossed paths, I had no idea she existed until after I found out he was married and I also had no idea she existed when he got back in touch with me (I wasnt seeing him again, we just had a couple of online chats) and oddly enough he made no mention of the fact that he had got married since the last time we spoke.

So I do know that there are people who keep their distance and you think they are doing it for the right reasons, but you find out in hindsight that the reason they are doing it is because they are a two timing rat and they cant introduce you to their kids because their kids have already met their gf.

Im not suggesting for one minute that this is the situation the OP is in, but it can happen. People can keep their family life separate and can also have a partner and you dont have a clue about it.

vodkachick68

Just want to thank you all for your input and advice whether it be negative and positive regarding my situation.

It has made me take a good hard look at this relationship and I think if I am honest in my heart of hearts he will NOT change or commit to me at least in the near future.

I really am in a horrible dilemma and I just hope I can sort out in my head what I need to do.

justme111

What are signs and symptoms if you loving him ? What are signs of him loving you ?
Have you met people in his life - friends , family , co-workers?
What exactly is not to your liking in the bedroom ?(you mat want to answer this question to yourself )
Why have you mentioned him being a quiet private person and you chatty outgoing one if this difference have not caused issues as you say ?

AcidHouse

Hi i was wondering if anyone has ever ended a relationship but still been in love with that person?

Yes but there is a saying - 'sometimes love just ain't enough' and out of respect for yourself, sometimes you have to walk away.

Thing is he is so slow at committing to me. I still haven't met his kids or family yet! This is a big thing for me and I can't understand why,though he tells me that he doesn't think they are ready yet (one is 16 and the other 14) also within the relationship he is lazy ie I am always the one instigating everything and lately he just doesn't seem interested in the bedroom dept which I feel is very important in a relationship.

I just can't see anything changing and am beginning to feel a bit fed up with having to keep the relationship alive iykwim.

He has no reason to change any of his behaviour towards you, as you are the one making all the effort to keep this relationship going. And the more he resists moving things forward, the more you insist on moving ahead. He doesn't have to lift a finger by the sounds of it, not even in bed. Think of it as running a business - you're the one doing the work and he is the one reaping the benefits of your labour.

There are no other people involved and I do know that he thinks the world of me and loves me a lot and I do him.

To be honest I don't know if you love him, or you just want the relationship to work because you've invested so much in it already. Have you thought about taking a step back and imagining this was one of your friend's partners? What would you think of him as a person? Do you think he's worth all this emotional anguish?

If he thought the world of you, he'd want the people in his world to know about you. You're giving him everything & getting nothing back. I understand from reading your other posts that he has a mom, dad and a brother he hasn't introduced you to. Kids are different in these kind of situations, but you haven't met the adults in his life yet, so you've no chance of meeting his kids. He knows you're going nowhere, because you keep bringing up that you want to meet so-and-so, but you're still loved up with him, so nothing will change. Think about that.

FBaby

It has made me take a good hard look at this relationship and I think if I am honest in my heart of hearts he will NOT change or commit to me at least in the near future.

But have you ever actually made it clear that it is what you expect, whether it in the near future or now?

In the end, he could be torn between the two, and as such, as long as you don't make him choose, will stick with the non commitment. People who are frightened of height will rarely go walk on a cliff unless you take them there.

paulineb_2

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Just want to thank you all for your input and advice whether it be negative and positive regarding my situation.

It has made me take a good hard look at this relationship and I think if I am honest in my heart of hearts he will NOT change or commit to me at least in the near future.

I really am in a horrible dilemma and I just hope I can sort out in my head what I need to do.

How about you talk to him and tell him its make or break time.