Relationship issues

vodkachick68

Hi i was wondering if anyone has ever ended a relationship but still been in love with that person? I have been with my bf for 21 months and I really do love him. Thing is I am beginning to feel that I'm not getting any fulfillment out of the relationship.
He is a very quiet private man who really doesn't like mixing with other people. I am the complete opposite who likes mixing with other people though this isn't the major issue in our relationship.
Thing is he is so slow at committing to me. I still haven't met his kids or family yet! This is a big thing for me and I can't understand why,though he tells me that he doesn't think they are ready yet (one is 16 and the other 14) also within the relationship he is lazy ie I am always the one instigating everything and lately he just doesn't seem interested in the bedroom dept which I feel is very important in a relationship.

There are no other people involved and I do know that he thinks the world of me and loves me a lot and I do him. I am just finding it hard to imagine a future with him at he moment.

He also finds it hard to show his emotions whereas I am a loving person and I'm always telling him that I love him and he will say it back but will never say it first. I just can't see anything changing and am beginning to feel a bit fed up with having to keep the relationship alive iykwim.

Any advice would be welcome thanks.

fluffnutter

Have you told him all this?

Bazey

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Any advice would be welcome thanks.

This piece of advice was to Cliff Richard from his father:

When I was getting serious about singing, my father told me that if I didn’t make it there was still a life to be lived. Then, when I recorded Move It, he asked me: “Do you really want this? If you do then give it your all and give it all the time.”

HTH

Rottensocks

Bazey wrote: »

This piece of advice was to Cliff Richard from his father:

Relationship advice via Cliff Richard ? *shudders*

Bazey

Rottensocks wrote: »

Relationship advice via Cliff Richard ? *shudders*

Innocent until proven guilty.

Rottensocks

Bazey wrote: »

Innocent until proven guilty.

Ah, I wasn't thinking about the recent allegations of being a friend of Cyril Smith etc... In some respects, it seems recently that simply being a famous male at some period during the 70's makes you an automatic suspect for being a sex offender.

I was more thinking about, well, just cheesy old batchelor Cliff......Presumably not a relationship expert.

Bazey

It was actually Cliff's Dad and it wasn't relationship specific.

Too many Cliff haters in this world.

Amanda65

OP re-read what you have typed and imagine your best friend had told you this about her relationship - what would your advice to her be?

From the outside, and the from the limited information we have I would say that you are unlikely to be happy with an uncommitted man who, nearly two years in, does not want you to be part of his family but who also seems happy to have let the bedroom part of your relationship laspe.

I know opposites can attract but if you like going out and he doesn't you are going to have to settle for a life where you attend a lot of social occasions on your own - would you be happy with that?

Is there an age gap? I sense you may be younger (although could be completely wrong) And what about children - you don't mention having any but if he has a 16 and 14 year old would he be prepared to start again if you want them? Again accept they might not be part of your plans so could be unimportant.

Has he said why he doesn't want you to meet his family? How long has he been separated / divorced? Does he definitely live alone? It just all seem a bit suspicious to me - but then I'm like that :rotfl::rotfl:

FBaby

OP I think many will say that you have been incredibly patient waiting almost two years for a minimum of evidence of his desire to commit. For me not meeting his family and kids all this time would have led new to the same questions months earlier. That and starting to question whether he could be hiding things from me. I am pretty sure that however much I loved my boyfriend the questions and insecurities would have slowly killed any feelings of love by this stage.

vodkachick68

fluffnutter wrote: »

Have you told him all this?

Yes I have brought it up on numerous occasions and he says things will develop when the times right. He has said he will try a bit harder but after a while it goes back to square one again. I am getting a bit fed up with hearing this to be honest,as another poster has mentioned I have been damn patient with him and I'm beginning to lose my rag!

I also have 2 kids who are 18 and 14,he has met them lots of times and they all get on well. He has been separated for nearly 4 years so not something new and we definetly don't want any children together lol.

The annoying thing is that we do love going out together and enjoy each other's company immensely. He is a good listener and is a very sensible person who works hard. I have got admiration for him in that respect. This is why I am finding this so difficult and just don't know which way to turn.

There is definetly no other parties involved on either side so I know he's no cheating on me.
I am still in love with him and I really care for him deeply and I know he feels the same way,but as my friend said he wants the relationship but on his terms. I just can't bear the thought of being without him to be honest:(

Rottensocks

vodkachick68 wrote: »

I just can't bear the thought of being without him to be honest:(

And sadly, that means that you are fair game to be treated this way

It is easy for him to have it all on his terms, as you always leave the door open..... Unless you actually show that you intend to CLOSE that door, there is no incentive for him to act or commit.

As he is so lukewarm about commitment, it is hard not to conclude that you would be better off investing your time and affection elsewhere.

(I also wonder to what extent you only want him so badly because he's not really available)