Relationship issues

fairy_lights

GBNI wrote: »

Are you sure he's really separated?

(Sorry to be blunt, but no nice way to ask that!)

That's exactly what I was thinking! His reluctance to introduce her to any of his family would make sense if that was the case

marisco_2

GBNI wrote: »

Are you sure he's really separated?

This was the first thing I wondered too having read the OPs posts.

vodkachick68

GBNI wrote: »

Are you sure he's really separated?

(Sorry to be blunt, but no nice way to ask that!)

Yes he is definetly separated. They haven't spoken a word since the day she walked out nearly 4 years ago. Anything important to do with the kids is done via text.
I do think sometimes that maybe there are still issues he hasn't dealt with in his head regarding his separation.

BitterAndTwisted

He and his ex may not have spoken face-to-face since they separated but does this mean that he hasn't seen his children in all this time? If he hasn't it's no surprise that you've not been introduced to them. To be honest, they're his children and not yours, so if they don't have a place in his day-to-to-day life there's no reason why you should either. Or want to interpose yourself in it.

vodkachick68

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

He and his ex may not have spoken face-to-face since they separated but does this mean that he hasn't seen his children in all this time? If he hasn't it's no surprise that you've not been introduced to them. To be honest, they're his children and not yours, so if they don't have a place in his day-to-to-day life there's no reason why you should either. Or want to interpose yourself in it.

Yes he does see his kids every Sunday and on an ad hoc basis during the week. He has a good relationship with them now and is very protective of them. He just feels that the time is not right to be introducing them to anyone else. It's not like they are youngsters and don't understand!!

BitterAndTwisted

In which case the reasons the ex had for leaving him could be in danger of showing him in a rather bad light, and the risk if these being disclosed could be the reason for your not having met them.

"The time is not right" doesn't have to mean for them but for him...

FBaby

They haven't spoken a word since the day she walked out nearly 4 years ago.

It is very likely that he is still left battered from it and not prepared to trust again. This is what I had to face with my husband. I totally respected how he felt and how frightening it must have been for him to give me a chance after being emotionally and financially battered by his ex. This is why it made his proposal even more special as it meant he was prepared to let go of all the walls he had built around himself to gain my love forever.

FBaby

He just feels that the time is not right to be introducing them to anyone else.

I expect what he is saying is that it is not right for himself rather than his children. If you are introduce, he is telling the people he loves most that you are together. It builds expectation on their behalf,it means you might have to start doing things as a family, it makes much more difficult to move on if for whatever reasons, that's what he would have to do. It m

vodkachick68

FBaby wrote: »

It is very likely that he is still left battered from it and not prepared to trust again. This is what I had to face with my husband. I totally respected how he felt and how frightening it must have been for him to give me a chance after being emotionally and financially battered by his ex. This is why it made his proposal even more special as it meant he was prepared to let go of all the walls he had built around himself to gain my love forever.

He was left emotionally and financially battered by his ex,he has said to me a few times that he finds it hard to trust anyone again and he is terrified that this is gonna happen again hence the reason he won't let me meet them I suppose. He has this damn barrier which I find very difficult to get through!

sharnad

21 months and you've not met kids. This is a very one sided relationship