When to meet the children!

vodkachick68

Hiya

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months and apart from a few teething problems we are getting on fine. We both have children,mine are 16 and 13 and his are 15 and 13. He has been split from his wife 2 and a half years and i'm his first partner since the split. I have been separated from my husband since April. We both live in separate houses.

He has met my kids once briefly and they like him. Trouble is he is won't let me meet his kids at the moment. I can understand he wants to make sure we are right for each other etc,but just wondered if i anyone else has been in this situation?

Thanks

Person_one

vodkachick68 wrote: »

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 monthsI have been separated from my husband since April.

6 months ago it was March.

I think your boyfriend is being sensible, your children have been through a lot and it was quite soon for them to meet the person you left their dad for.

I wouldn't pressure him at all, he knows his children best.

CH27

I think he is right to be cautious.

balletshoes

is that the reason your boyfriend doesn't want you to meet his kids yet? Because he wants to be sure you're right for each other? If thats the reason, then I agree with him.

cheepskate_2

Dont really think you should be introducing the kids either.

It looks like your relationships overlapped or it is 5 months since you have knon him.

either way, you have jumped from 1 relationship to another, not very good at the best of times and not very good for the children to be involved in

Have you ever thought maybe his kids dont want to meet you????

victor2

You both have teenage children, so you will have an idea how teenagers view things.
He's probably just delaying to convince himself it's right and not to give his children the impression that it's perfectly normal to jump into a "casual" relationship. Maybe he's also concerned about how his ex will see it and pass on her opinion to the children.
Don't push it. It's early days really.

clearingout

so....this is your first relationship since splitting with your husband and your partner is aware of that? Anyone who has been through the hell of separation and divorcethey wouldn't blame him for being...cynical about the potential longevity of a relationship that started before splitting from a serious relationship/immediately after splitting from a serious relationship.

Let him decide what is best for him and his children.

BitterAndTwisted

Maybe it's because his kids have no interest in meeting you? Let things go at whatever pace your new fella decides is best.

littlelad

I did not introduce my daughter to my partner for a couple of years. I don't regret it and we are still together 12 years later. It's hard on children when others come into their lives and I think it's better not to rush things. Good luck

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

And it is possible that his teenagers are horrid. It's required of the teenager DNA, in my opinion, even without marriage breakdowns coming into the equation.


In my brother's case, his son hated him, hated his new girlfriend and hated her daughter. Purely because of what it did to his mum. So he was as obnoxious as possible and made it clear he would be the same if forced to meet her. His sister was younger and became close friends with the daughter.


It's difficult. But you need to talk and discuss more than just 'when do I meet them?', 'how are they doing? what do they feel about the split? Are they taking on a protective role to their mum?' That kind of thing seems a good idea, as it could lead into his explaining why he's not happy for you to meet yet.

heretolearn_2

I can understand waiting if children are small and likely to get upset/confused if things go wrong.

But I would expect teenagers to understand the concept of dating!

I always introduced my teenage son to my boyfriends after a few weeks. To be honest he was quite happy to tell me his opinion of them, and even if he wasn't too keen he accepted me seeing them ok. Actually - I really should have listened to his opinion on the ones he wasn't too keen on, he was right!