How romantic is your partner?

vodkachick68

Hi all i have been with my boyfriend for 20 months and we love each other to bits:D I am a very romantic person ie I love being cuddled and holding hands etc. My boyfriend on the other hand isn't as forthcoming with the cuddles etc. He says that just because he doesn't cuddle and kiss me all the time doesn't mean that he loves me any less. Chatting to friends I think that a lot of men are like this.
Just wondered what your partner is like?

fluffnutter

God, when you've been married for years, remembering to put the bins out is more of a priority than wandering around holding hands.

I know you've simply asked what other partners are like, but I can't help being a tiny bit niggled by something in your post.... do you continually ask your boyfriend for reassurance that he loves you? Do you worry that he cares less because he's not as demonstrative as you? Do you still doubt him despite his regularly telling you he loves you? If you answer yes to these questions, then you might want to consider whether you're a little insecure. Continually seeking reassurance that someone loves you will damage the relationship.

But hey ho, I'm probably reading too much into things. I hope so

lostinrates

I don't think of cuddling and handholding as 'romantic' but rather ' demonstrative' or 'tactile' .

In any case, my partner is all three, in varying degrees more than I.

lika_86

I agree, I don't see kissing and cuddling as romantic, more 'demonstrably affectionate'. Can't say it's a problem for me though (been together five years and live together) but nothing has changed over the years in terms of affection.

In terms of romance, no big gestures (I'm not that sort of girl) but my knees melt with his thoughtfulness ie. one Sunday he was coming back from a weekend at his mum's and I'd had a headache all day but finally given up on the thought that it would go away by itself so sent him a text asking to bring paracetemol home, he asked if I was ill and if we needed goodies (goodies are always needed for ill people). It's the little kind things that get me.

Dovah_diva

Define romantic. My husband is not very tactile and I can't remember the last time he bought me flowers. However, he will cook what I request, even if he would rather have something else, or will visit a place that he doesn't really want to go. He rings me when I am at home poorly and brings me wine. These gestures - something that requires action rather than words - mean more to me than flowers and chocolates.

aileth

I'd say romantic isn't kissing and cuddling, I'd define it as little things you do for each other, be it surprising with flowers, having a bath run for you after a hard day at work, cooking for you, or even as simple as doing something around the house that needs doing before you ask as they know you're stressed. That's what romance is to me.

vodkachick68

fluffnutter wrote: »

God, when you've been married for years, remembering to put the bins out is more of a priority than wandering around holding hands.

I know you've simply asked what other partners are like, but I can't help being a tiny bit niggled by something in your post.... do you continually ask your boyfriend for reassurance that he loves you? Do you worry that he cares less because he's not as demonstrative as you? Do you still doubt him despite his regularly telling you he loves you? If you answer yes to these questions, then you might want to consider whether you're a little insecure. Continually seeking reassurance that someone loves you will damage the relationship.

But hey ho, I'm probably reading too much into things. I hope so

To be honest you have probably hit the nail on the head! I do feel insecure at times even though I know in my mind that we are fine. I do suffer occasionally with anxiety and depression which doesn't help. The last thing I want to do is damage the relationship!

fluffnutter

vodkachick68 wrote: »

To be honest you have probably hit the nail on the head! I do feel insecure at times even though I know in my mind that we are fine. I do suffer occasionally with anxiety and depression which doesn't help. The last thing I want to do is damage the relationship!

I know. I didn't mean to be harsh, you sound like you adore one another so hopefully everything will work out just fine.

The thing with people with anxiety is that we tend to continually seek reassurance - it's how we try to make things better. Unfortunately it doesn't work. It makes us feel better for a while but then we need to repeat it, we need more and more reassurance. Before you know it, nothing makes any difference and we need constant reassurance and when you're seeking that reassurance from another person, it can start to put a lot of pressure on them. The key is to find that reassurance from within yourself, but if you're insecure, you simply don't have the belief that you're good enough/funny enough/pretty enough/lovable enough, so that reassurance isn't forthcoming.

Try to see your insecurity as simply something you suffer with and separate it from your relationship. See it as a symptom of your underlying anxiety/depression and get help with that if you can. Your boyfriend telling you he loves you is not the cure for your insecurity - you have to work on that yourself.

geri1965_2

Dovah_diva wrote: »

Define romantic. My husband is not very tactile and I can't remember the last time he bought me flowers. However, he will cook what I request, even if he would rather have something else, or will visit a place that he doesn't really want to go. He rings me when I am at home poorly and brings me wine. These gestures - something that requires action rather than words - mean more to me than flowers and chocolates.

I was going to say not romantic until I read this post. My OH does all of these things, he shows his love without words or big gestures.

I used to work with someone whose girlfriend probably thought he was very romantic. He would often take home a bug bunch of flowers for her or a box of chocolates. What she didn't know was that he had sex with one of the girls we worked with on the floor of the office after a night out.

paulineb_2

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Hi all i have been with my boyfriend for 20 months and we love each other to bits:D I am a very romantic person ie I love being cuddled and holding hands etc. My boyfriend on the other hand isn't as forthcoming with the cuddles etc. He says that just because he doesn't cuddle and kiss me all the time doesn't mean that he loves me any less. Chatting to friends I think that a lot of men are like this.
Just wondered what your partner is like?

Im single at the moment but I went out with someone last year who was very tactile. I wasnt comfortable with it, particularly in public.
However, his actions towards me as a partner were negative. He lied to me about numerous things, including wanting to see other people. It meant nothing. I would rather someone who was honest and wasnt a very tactile person to someone who thought of themselves as wonderful when they were anything but.

Im not really into cuddles, if I hug someone, I mean it. Thats just the way I am. I wouldnt describe myself as romantic either, but that doesnt mean when I love someone, I dont care about them.

I also think you shouldnt need constant reassurance and if someone isnt comfortable with hand holding and kissing all the time, thats just the way they are. But it doesnt mean they dont care about you, if theyve made clear that they do, then you should take that at face value.

bitemebankers

It's horses for courses isn't it? I mean, surely what most people really want is a partner who is similar to them, in terms of physical affection and romantic gestures.

I find this inference that romantically-inclined people are just insecure to be rather defensive.