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How romantic is your partner?

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  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    It's horses for courses isn't it? I mean, surely what most people really want is a partner who is similar to them, in terms of physical affection and romantic gestures.

    I find this inference that romantically-inclined people are just insecure to be rather defensive.

    Yes, my more romantic husband is much more emotionally secure and relaxed than I am, he is just 'romantic' and tactile.

    I like having a partner that's different to me, btw. I think he's a saint to live with me, I couldn't do it:rotfl:
  • I know. I didn't mean to be harsh, you sound like you adore one another so hopefully everything will work out just fine.

    The thing with people with anxiety is that we tend to continually seek reassurance - it's how we try to make things better. Unfortunately it doesn't work. It makes us feel better for a while but then we need to repeat it, we need more and more reassurance. Before you know it, nothing makes any difference and we need constant reassurance and when you're seeking that reassurance from another person, it can start to put a lot of pressure on them. The key is to find that reassurance from within yourself, but if you're insecure, you simply don't have the belief that you're good enough/funny enough/pretty enough/lovable enough, so that reassurance isn't forthcoming.

    Try to see your insecurity as simply something you suffer with and separate it from your relationship. See it as a symptom of your underlying anxiety/depression and get help with that if you can. Your boyfriend telling you he loves you is not the cure for your insecurity - you have to work on that yourself.
    I hate suffering with anxiety,it's so tiring and brings you down constantly. I am on medication which does help me immensely but lately it's has got a bit too much. I am also going through a divorce and trying to get a mortgage on my own. I am lucky that my bf is very patient and understanding with me,any one else would have probably done a runner by now lol. It's funny cos I do know that he loves me deeply and i do him.You have given me food for thought and you are right in what you say. Thanks:)
  • When I first met my partner, our first trip was camping and we had such a lovely time that we went camping most weekends through the summer. A few weeks ago she invited me to hers because weather was miserable and camping season is definitely over. She had made me my favourite food (a dish she is really not keen on but made it for both of us) then a desert with strawberry syrup in the shape of a heart. Finally she led me into living room where she had set up our two man tent, switched her log fire on and had a lantern that projected stars and the moon all over the room :) she made me a very happy girl.

    She is very romantic, not every single day but that just makes it even more special :)
  • Tropez
    Tropez Posts: 3,696 Forumite
    I agree with the posts above to some extent. Cuddling is affection more than is romance, although that doesn't mean that the two are mutually exclusive but it rather depends on context.

    My fiance and I usually cuddle together on the sofa while watching TV. I don't really regard watching a family being slaughtered in Game of Thrones as being anything romantic and so the affection is more just enjoying each other's company while enjoying something else we both like.

    In a different context, affection could be part of something more romantic, such as holding each other under moonlight after a dinner outside.

    Anyway, my partner is quite romantic at times - most recently she left me a long list of reasons she loves me on the kitchen table before she went to work so that was one of the first things I saw that day, which was very sweet and unexpected. I try and do romantic things for her as well, though often they're of the small gesture variety - run her a bath with some candles and a glass of her favourite tipple sitting on the ledge next to the bath is a common one for when I get the sense she's had a crappy day at work (the type of language she uses changes when she's had a bad day, it's never aggressive but she tends to use longer words).
  • My hubby used to do the traditional romance with flowers and candle lit dinners until I told him to "never, ever do that again. Ever.". Now its more along the lines of a coffee made for me coming home from work or letting me cosy up in bed until Im warmed up. Like most people here, its the thoughtful everyday things, not the grand gestures.

    thankfully we're both very tactile and always hold hands. If he refused to, Id hold his hand anyway!
  • geri1965 wrote: »
    What she didn't know was that he had sex with one of the girls we worked with on the floor of the office after a night out.

    Definitely not romantic! :(

    Did she ever find out?
  • I wouldn't say my hubby was romantic, but he is thoughtful. I get a cup of tea in bed every morning, breakfast in bed at weekends, and he will always let me have the last bit of chocolate we're sharing :-). He's quite tactile, he always reaches for my hand whenever we're walking anywhere and not a day goes by without lots of kisses and cuddles.

    He is really rubbish at the flower buying/thinking of nice places to take me out kind of thing though. And I have to write him a comprehensive present list on birthdays and Christmas.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,551 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Tropez wrote: »
    Anyway, my partner is quite romantic at times - most recently she left me a long list of reasons she loves me on the kitchen table before she went to work so that was one of the first things I saw that day...

    Adapted to suit my own situation...

    Anyway, my partner is quite romantic at times - most recently she left me a long list of jobs on the kitchen table that she wanted completed before she came home from work.
  • hgotsparkle
    hgotsparkle Posts: 1,282 Forumite
    I'm a very romantic person, whereas hes very affectionate but doesn't vocalise his feelings. We say 'I love you' whenever one of us leaves the house, and always kiss goodbye. He'll sometimes randomly say it when we're just watching tv, which I appreciate more than if he'd say it to me constantly every day.


    He will clean the house for me if I'm at work and hes off, he'll make me go for a lay down if I have a headache even when I refuse.


    He doesn't do big declarations of love, but its the little things he does, and thats why I love him.
  • hgotsparkle
    hgotsparkle Posts: 1,282 Forumite
    I know. I didn't mean to be harsh, you sound like you adore one another so hopefully everything will work out just fine.

    The thing with people with anxiety is that we tend to continually seek reassurance - it's how we try to make things better. Unfortunately it doesn't work. It makes us feel better for a while but then we need to repeat it, we need more and more reassurance. Before you know it, nothing makes any difference and we need constant reassurance and when you're seeking that reassurance from another person, it can start to put a lot of pressure on them. The key is to find that reassurance from within yourself, but if you're insecure, you simply don't have the belief that you're good enough/funny enough/pretty enough/lovable enough, so that reassurance isn't forthcoming.

    Try to see your insecurity as simply something you suffer with and separate it from your relationship. See it as a symptom of your underlying anxiety/depression and get help with that if you can. Your boyfriend telling you he loves you is not the cure for your insecurity - you have to work on that yourself.

    This is exactly me - I always used to ask him 'do you love me' and 'how much do you love me' but I know it was just annoying him so I stopped. I do still feel as though I need the reassurance, though I don't actively seek it. I just remember the little things he does for me, and all the nice things hes said to me in the past.
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