commitment issues

vodkachick68

Hiya all

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. He came out of a marriage 3 years ago and has 2 kids aged 15 an 13 who live with their mother. We are happy together and enjoy one anothers company and we both love each other deeply. I have a couple of issues which keep niggling me. He refuses to tell his kids about me and won't introduce me to any of his family. Whenever i ask why he always says it will happen when it happens. He has met my two kids but only briefly a couple of times. He will never visit my house when they are there and says he feels awkward.

I really want a future with him and he says he wants the same but can't promise anything! I am now thinking do we really want the same thing here? Maybe i'm just overeacting?

nfollows1982

You're not overeacting at all - this has no future whatsoever.

In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's still married and you're just the bit on the side!

Joons

After a year I would say he's not that serious about the relationship. If you said three months or even six then maybe I could undersand his perspective but not after a year, that's awful, it must make you feel so insignificant. Get him told, either it's 100% and that means being involved completely in each other's life or, you're gonna find it with someone else.

January20

My first thought was what nfollows1982 said: he is still married and you are his bit on the side.

19lottie82

Sorry OP I have to agree with the others. If he was really serious about you, he would have introduced you to his family by now.

nfollows1982

Sorry, but the more you read it, the more it screams affair!

He obviously can't introduce you to his kids and family otherwise his wife will find out!

He won't have anything to do with your kids cos he knows when he gets bored of the affair he'll be off like a shot and he doesn't want to hurt your poor innocent kids.

Open your eyes!

System

He refuses to tell his kids about me and won't introduce me to any of his family. Whenever i ask why he always says it will happen when it happens.

What sort of answer is that?

Joons

Judi wrote: »

What sort of answer is that?

A cop out. TBH, I would be absolutely raging if my b/f said this to me after being with him a year, who does he think he is, give him a taste of his own, don't be so available!

vodkachick68

Thankyou to you all for your replies even if the truth does hurt! He is defintely still not married so can rule that one out,and he is NOT having an affair!! As i have said we do love each other no doubt about that. We have had countless chats about this issue and always seem to go round in circles. I'm beginning to get very frustrated and feel myself questioning our relationship.

System

I can't comment on the kids side of things, but i've been with my bf nearly a year and i still haven't met his parents (nor he met mine). His parents have asked me to meet them but i keep making excuses as i've been unable to work due to health reasons and just don't feel comfortable meeting them till i have a job as i want to them to like me..and not think i'm some unemployed headcase corrupting their son And hes not met mine as i pretty much only go home once a year so there's never been the oppurtunity.

But i am 100% committed to my bf, i'm just waiting for the right time

Mojisola

vodkachick68 wrote: »

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. He came out of a marriage 3 years ago and has 2 kids aged 15 an 13 who live with their mother. We are happy together and enjoy one anothers company and we both love each other deeply. I have a couple of issues which keep niggling me. He refuses to tell his kids about me and won't introduce me to any of his family. Whenever i ask why he always says it will happen when it happens. He has met my two kids but only briefly a couple of times. He will never visit my house when they are there and says he feels awkward.

I really want a future with him and he says he wants the same but can't promise anything! I am now thinking do we really want the same thing here? Maybe i'm just overeacting?

Where does he live? Have you been to his house?