commitment issues

meritaten

I think you are destined to be a girlfriend for a long long time. You know you love him - but, as for him loving you, you can only know what he tells you. Sorry if this is hurtful hun - but, it doesn't sound as if he sees the relationship the same way you do.

Pthree

Have you met any of his friends or any family at all??

My sister was with her OH 2 years before she met his kids, but had met the rest of his family. The reason was his ex was a bit of cow and every time when ever he started seeing someone stopped him seeing the kids, and until he knew sis wasn't going to do one at the 1st sign of trouble didn't want her involved with his kids.

It did drive my sister nuts for a while but I thought it was rather grown up of him, then again she had met is parents and other family so not quite the same as you but perhaps unlike a like of people on here who seem to introduce the next "uncle" or "aunt" after 3 dates perhaps he is just protecting his kids.

Or he is a knob - ask him where it's going!!

P3

Mojisola

Pthree wrote: »

My sister was with her OH 2 years before she met his kids, but had met the rest of his family. The reason was his ex was a bit of cow and every time when ever he started seeing someone stopped him seeing the kids, and until he knew sis wasn't going to do one at the 1st sign of trouble didn't want her involved with his kids.

If vodkachick68's BF had given this as a reason, that would be understandable.

To say "it will happen when it happens" is a meaningless phrase - I'd want to tie him down after a year of being together. Leaving things this vague would make me question his feelings towards me - is he ashamed of me, is he still hopeful about getting back with his ex, etc.

Dunroamin

Is he actually divorced yet?

Frith

I'm glad this hasn't only happened to me!

I was with my ex boyfriend for 14 months. I did meet his children (they lived with him half the time) but he point blank refused to introduce me to anyone else or include me in any aspect of his social life AT ALL.

I mentioned it several times (towards the end of the 14 months!) and there was always some excuse.

pogofish

This sounds like a guy who may be keeping you at arms length so he can keep his options open for a "better model" to me.

vodkachick68

suki1001 wrote: »

If he feels awkward now, three years after the split, then it's surely going to be a long time before he feels ready?

Is it possible a relationship in between has set a precedent for all this?

Perhaps he did all the introducing and it went wrong, perhaps he got close to someone else's children and had to break away, perhaps his children were really miffed off he met someone else?

That would make a lot of sense if he's incredibly cautious now, espcially if it was a relationship early on into the split. It's just a suggestion, but a logical one.

Do you know what you have hit the nail on the head! He is very cautious about everything in life whereas i'm more of a jump straight in there and get on with it. He has said that he wants to make sure that we are rock solid and doesn't want his kids meeting a string of girlfriends. Thing is i keep bringing the subject up which is causing bickering and strain in the relationship. Maybe as a previous poster has said i should just chill out and things will hopefully develop?

suki1001

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Do you know what you have hit the nail on the head! He is very cautious about everything in life whereas i'm more of a jump straight in there and get on with it. He has said that he wants to make sure that we are rock solid and doesn't want his kids meeting a string of girlfriends. Thing is i keep bringing the subject up which is causing bickering and strain in the relationship. Maybe as a previous poster has said i should just chill out and things will hopefully develop?

If he's gone through it and it caused a lot of upset with children, I'm not surprised it's made him ultra cautious. I think if I'd done that I'd be uber cautious. It's probably one of those things that the more you make a big deal, the more it will take longer. I can imagine it's very frustrating because you want to be not just part of his life.

I'm not going to say it's because he doesn't think enough about you, because if you've been knocked by something, the old saying once bitten, twice shy is so true. But I'd rather have someone who was ultra cautious than someone who rushed into getting the whole family envolved. I also think, i would be exactly the same, because I'm a cautious very person and I know it would drive another person up the wall.

Good luck with it all.

Errata

I don't think the issue is one of commitment, it's one of communicating and discussing like rational adults.

FBaby

The thing is, the other extreme can do as much damage on the kids than introducing more quickly. They get the message that they get their dad for themselves each time they are together, so when suddenly a new girlfriend comes into their lives, one who is clearly already well established in the relationship, so knows a lot about their dad, is very comfortable, physically close to him, it can make kids twice as much on the defensive then if all relationships evolved together.

Saying that, we are here talking about kids...not the rest of the family. Surely his parents, siblings and friends could cope with your relationship ending if it came to that, especially if it is 'early' in his mind.

I'm sorry OP but in my experience, it is never about being cautious to protect others, but cautious to protect themselves because they are not sure about their own feelings. That or as stated before, they don't want anything more and it is less hassle not to involve others, much easier to then move on.