Really angry at myself - please help

victory

Even though this has happened to you, you have to know that there are some really decent people out there.

I was in the supermarket yesterday and someone had left a huge spanish chorizo in their trolley and the lady handed it in to customer services, often little ones shoes or socks or jackets or scarves are left on park benches where the people have found them hoping that the owner realises and returns to collect them.

The other day a lady fell over in the street ahead of me and in a flash 6 or 7 people had rushed over to make sure she was ok.

A lady I know has been taken to hospital and an array of neighbours are checking her house, cutting her grass, tending to her flowers, visiting her in hospital, taking her magazines, keeping in touch with her family, human beings can go the extra mile and be kind.

You post a lot about 'how hard done by I am' and sometimes you are and sometimes you are not, sometimes you just have to let it go and see it as people being people not directed at you, definetly not personal, they are not attacking you, they just are.

You need or would benefit greatly from some CBT
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy
it really is helpful to see things from other point of view.

You say you are a giver, a nice person, expect people to behave as well as you do and people do, not always, some are takers to you giving, some are rude to your politeness, some are obtruse to your openess, it just is, that does not make you a better or worse person it is just how it is.

If you try too hard, people can sense that and have an inbuilt reaction sometimes of being put off, they back away, they can't quite understand it, if you ananlyse so much, if you look for negatives, if you see faults, you will find them, no human is perfect.

You need to let things be, if it is better than you expected then fantastic, never look out and expect the negatives as they will come in truck loads, over-thinking is far too time consuming, worry is a total waste of time, it doesn't change anything. All it does is steal your joy and keeps you very busy doing nothing

aileth

victory wrote: »

The other day a lady fell over in the street ahead of me and in a flash 6 or 7 people had rushed over to make sure she was ok.

This is lovely. I echo what victory says, there are lots of nice people out there, some are just downright horrible. This is a great situation I've quoted, but for example my sister was once in the middle of a very busy town centre with her epileptic friend when he started fitting quite violently. My sister was in tears, screaming for help, people were walking past staring at her but nobody helped until a Policewoman spotted her.

It really is luck of the draw who you come across, who is behind you in the till queue, cash points, who is next to you when you have an incident in the street. I'd like to think that the dishonest, ignorant or nasty people are a rarity that sometimes we have the misfortune to come into contact with!

Brighton_belle

This does sound like the straw that broke the camels back TopDrawer ad I'm sorry you are going through such a carp time. It's horrible when you feel life is somehow twisted against you.

It is entirely possible of course that person behind you didn't steal your money, but didn't notice your cash (as you didn't) and ordered their own cash back ad the just took the cash that arrived without realising the amount they had ordered was added to money already there in the slot. Eve if the cctv shows money being taken, how can the police prove that yours was maliciously and consciously taken?

It's this line of yours that makes me wonder a little about how you see the world, and like coolcait make me reassess your take on how dreadful so may people seem to be to you:

top_drawer wrote: »

they(Asda) bully you to go through the self-service to the point of actually refusing to serve you and having twisty screens.

Seriously - it is beyond my comprehension that a adult customer can feel 'bullied' into using the self service and then be refuse to be served if they don't? It's just normal staff interaction to encourage use of self service but ..."bully"? Really? And a major chain refusing to serve you?
I know I have no idea of the whole landlady story, but seriously, if you couldn't live there you needed to give a months notice - landlady's have mortgages to pay and food they need to buy too, they are not a charity. If our lodger couldn't live here any longer for what ever reason, I would have to re-let the room in order to survive financially, and I'm an extremely nice landlady, but either they need to pay the rent to keep the room available/their stuff here, or they need to completely move out so I can re let.
I wonder if you struggle to read body language and actual language correctly and this is significant part of your problems.
There are adult ed classes near me on beginners NLP that can help people be more aware of how what they say and how they say if affects their thought patterns and their interactions with others. I wonder if there is anything like that near you that you might find helpful?
I say this is a sprit of wanting to make you life better, not as an attack.

paulineb_2

I think if people do read some of the OP's posting history, they might get an idea of how much they have had to cope with lately. It doesnt mean that people will change their mind about advice given, but sometimes a bit of background is helpful.

aliasojo

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Seriously - it is beyond my comprehension that a adult customer can feel 'bullied' into using the self service and then be refuse to be served if they don't?

Actually I feel I need to comment about this aspect.

B&Q are the worst (imo) for self service tills and their 'encouragement' of the use of them.

I usually do not use self service tills for my own personal reasons and I was literally shouted at to leave the manned till queue and come to an available self service one. I smiled and said 'thanks but I'd prefer to wait here' and the woman actually told me I couldn't and I had to move down to the next free till whether it was self service or not. :rotfl:

Now I'm not backwards at coming forwards so I very politely told here what I was going to do and it didn't involve obeying her commands.

The point is, she was most definitely overly pushy and her defence was that she was told to push people through the self serve tills by management as they wanted to increase the periods in the day where the manned tills were off.

Now I don't know what the staff are like in the branch of Asda the OP goes to, but it's not beyond the realms of reason that the staff act in a manner similar to that of the person I encountered.

That said, I have no way of knowing if the OP is simply being overly sensitive. Admittedly I would struggle to accept this situation was 'as bad as that' if I hadn't had gone to B&Q for a light bulb and a plank of wood. :rotfl:

Brighton_belle

I stand corrected aliasojo. And that's the beauty of calm discussion on forums - a range of responses with different experiences mean it is quite possible to change someone's mind:D

Top drawer, my apologies, although outside my experience, it seems you are not alone in feeling harangued at these big chain places. I just think I get a slight knee jerk reaction to the easy use of the word 'bully' these days that waters down real bullying.

aileth

Our local marks and spencer have stopped having people on the normal 'fast' tills and only having self-service. It's a gigantic pain in the @ss when you're buying a bottle of wine and have to stand there like a lemon while the person who's supposed to be supervising the self-service tills is halfway across the store gossiping with Shirley about what skirt she's going to wear to the works do!!!

Or if you get wine, get your age authorised, then you want cashback, so they have to come to you twice, they always make you feel like you are bothering them!!

paulineb_2

No store in my local area push people to use the self service tills thankfully, Tesco are the worst, always full of glitches and one day it took 20 mins to get a small bag of shopping through because the employees were busy, or didnt see the red light flashing to say I needed assistance

These days I prefer to use checkouts. I also rarely get cashback from any store, if I want cash I'll get it from a cashpoint.

Asda locally have different types of self serve now, including one where you put your shopping on the conveyer belt, those are fairly new.

I do most of my shopping in aldi and home bargains these days, they dont have self serve checkouts and its a better shopping experience all round.

victory

http://www.taylormasontraining.co.uk/assertiveness-course.html?_bt=32898043906&_bk=self%20confidence%20courses&_bm=p&gclid=CMGX24bV1LkCFcmV3godMjgAjg

Look at CBT but also what about a self confidence course?, assertiveness course?

I think that some things are worse if they are handled badly, if they are faced with horror and anger, the negativity reaches across to the other person and immediately puts them on the defensive, a human is made to defend themselves if they feel attacked, if you could count to 10, or see the problem in a different way or could make a plan of what to do in x y z situations you would be a lot calmer, able to cope, not so stressed and knowing you can cope and do have a solution and know what to do will take it more to the positive rather than the negative from the outset.

victory

Talking about self scanning tills, the other week £27 worth of stuff, go to the end without a problem, needed the lady to come over to agree that I was over 18 and she lost the whole lot:eek:

She furiously pressed buttons but it never came back up again, the machine refused to play so the lady suggested I start again:eek: absolutely not, no way was I doing that so she eventually took the whole lot over to the manned check out and got it through, what a palava and a waste of time when self scanning is supposed to be quick and easy:rotfl::rotfl: