Really angry at myself - please help

aliasojo

top_drawer wrote: »

Please note I have many people around me who seem to feel that "blunt advice" is what is needed. Hence I haven't told anyone about what happened last Thursday as I am sick of being told "life's hard, get over it" "you always do these sort of things, you'll learn eventually" and "well you should have done x, y and z...." or best of all "Pull yourself together"

victory wrote: »

I used to write, a lot, could you get it out of your system by writing it all down, scrunch it up and throw it away;)

It's a shame you feel you cannot tell others and have to keep it in, blunt advise is like tough love, people's way of handling you at arms length, sometimes it's an option , sometimes it's not

Blunt advice imo requires good timing and it should come from those who know you. It doesn't often work simply because people churn out the standard 'pull yourself together' diatribe without thinking too much about it. In my experience, there are 'windows' where people might be more receptive to blunt advice but by and large, it does little good and offers little understanding.

I think Victory's suggestion about writing stuff down is a good one. Only scrunching and throwing isn't cathartic enough for me, I favour the setting it on fire over the sink route. Whilst uttering the odd sweary. :D

I know things seem crap to you right now. Figure out what you can actually change and earmark those things first. The fact you are being pro-active about making something (anything) better will help you offset the crap feelings about the stuff you can't do much about (like the lost money).

I know what it feels like to question yourself, to question your judgement. I went through a phase of that. The more things that go wrong the more it seems as if it *must* be something to do with you simply because you're the common denominator in every situation.

Think about it though, do you ever question if it's 'you' when things go right? You don't do you, you just accept life is A-ok at that point. So why only feel as if it's 'you' when things go wrong? It's daft but human nature means some of us are just prone to doing that.

I also believe (but clearly have nothing based in fact to back this up ) that each of us has a 'time' for crap to happen. This last year was yours, just don't over analyse it all, all you'll get from doing that is even more fed up.

I think you should write to Asda along the lines suggested by Robin as that will allow you to feel like you've done something, then let it go and don't stew over it any longer.

kingfisherblue

I've been offline for a few days, so I've only just seen this. TD, I've sent you a PM.

Take care,

KFB x

paulineb_2

I also just wanted to say theres a resource called bullyonline, written by someone I believe who was a teacher who was bullied out of his job, his name is Tim Field, it helped me massively when things were at their worst for me.

Theres also a facebook group called stop workplace bullies, its American so some of the advice is a bit different but it might help you make sense of whats happening right now in the workplace

Tim Fields website is very much worth a look even if you decide not to complain formally about your working conditions, its got strategies that help you cope, Id have been lost without it several times in my career.