Affair, can't forget

Pixiechic

All the best for Thursday, I hope it goes well as I am sure it will

waccoe_2

My wife came home yesterday tea-time after her 2 nights away. I know she stayed at our Daughter's Monday night and so I have to assume she stayed at her Cousin's Sunday night.
I had cleaned the house, done the washing and made tea for us and our 2 children, who are still at home, she never said a word, all that occupied her mind was that she had now fallen out with our 2nd eldest Daughter over a shopping trip today that my wife has cancelled because she wants to go to our cottage in the Yorkshire Dales on her own until Sunday.
She has not mentioned my appointment with the counsellor and it has not been referred to since our texts and before anyone replies, no, I don't think it is for me to bring it up.

Keeping_Motivated

I'm all for spending time apart but going to the cottage on her own? Why don't you go too? Seems a little odd she cancelled time with her daughter to go to cottage alone...

waccoe_2

I have a little work to do, dogs to look after and my counsellor's appointment.

victory

waccoe wrote: »

My wife came home yesterday tea-time after her 2 nights away. I know she stayed at our Daughter's Monday night and so I have to assume she stayed at her Cousin's Sunday night.
I had cleaned the house, done the washing and made tea for us and our 2 children, who are still at home, she never said a word, all that occupied her mind was that she had now fallen out with our 2nd eldest Daughter over a shopping trip today that my wife has cancelled because she wants to go to our cottage in the Yorkshire Dales on her own until Sunday.
She has not mentioned my appointment with the counsellor and it has not been referred to since our texts and before anyone replies, no, I don't think it is for me to bring it up.

Why is she going on her own? Why does she keep going here and there alone? Your wife is like one of those bouncy toys on a string that comes in and out of your life and home and marriage, messes up the equalibrium, you don't know where she is going to be at x time:eek:

Yes she should have talked about the texts and if she didn't yes it is for you to bring it up, all this is making you unhappy, it is filling your time and head with all the worry and a marriage is a sharing platform, if you are concerned and anxious so should your wife be, she should take the time to listen, to advice, to be there for you and offer as much help as she can, if it was the other way round you would:)

waccoe_2

A lot of my problem is not being able to communicate, that is part of why I am seeing a counsellor, just because I have made an appointment doesn't mean I can suddenly start communicating, lol.
She finds it easier to start the dialogue and I am a bit dissappointed she hasn't mentioned the appointment.

Keeping_Motivated

I think the pressure of always 'having' to be the one to communicate must be very hard for her, maybe quite lonely, frustrating, hurtful however you are acknowledging this at least and seeing a counsellor.

The way she behaves leaves you feeling many things and she 'seems' (?) not to acknowledge any of her part!

Acc72

waccoe wrote: »

I have a little work to do, dogs to look after and my counsellor's appointment.

No offence OP, but even if you did not have any of the above to do it sounds as though you weren't exactly "invited" to go with her.

How old are your children at home (sorry if I have missed this) - are they of school age currently on half term holidays ?

Why does your wife want to seperate herself from the rest of the family ? (sorry to suggest this, but is she going there alone ?).

Also, has she always done this kind of thing or is it a recent development ? Are there other areas of her behaviour that have changed recently ?

justme111

Not to say op should bring his appointment up again - he done it already , she dropped the ball - I would not start talking about it again now. But in general it is one of the strongest deal breakers for me when I look at a man and see I will have to be one who will always have to lift heavy weight by starting talking about difficult subjects because he never will.

marisco_2

I hope that your counselling sessions will help you to find a way to feel able to communicate effectively with your wife. At the moment you clearly don't feel able to do this.

The way your wife has decided to handle the current situation in your marriage seems odd to me and makes her appear a little cold. I will be honest and say that my gut reaction to what you describe was that she is withdrawing from you. The enormity of the problems in your marriage may have hit her and she may be feeling overwhelmed and not able to face up to them. Maybe she has been completely unaware of how much her affair has hurt you and she doesn't feel able to address all the related issues or support you as you seek counselling.

If you both value what you share together, at some point one of you is going to have to start the conversation about exactly where you are at and where you go from here. Otherwise at this rate you are destined to drift further and further apart. I am sorry to hear that things are at such a stalemate and I hope that you find the counselling session tomorrow a positive and helpful experience waccoe.