Affair, can't forget

waccoe_2

Acc72 wrote: »

No offence OP, but even if you did not have any of the above to do it sounds as though you weren't exactly "invited" to go with her.
No offence taken, hard to explain, but this cottage is for her to retreat to, I have no problem with not being invited as she knows I don't really like going there.
How old are your children at home (sorry if I have missed this) - are they of school age currently on half term holidays ?
The youngest will be going away to uni soon all the others are working or at uni.
Why does your wife want to seperate herself from the rest of the family ? (sorry to suggest this, but is she going there alone ?).
Yes, I do know she is going alone
Also, has she always done this kind of thing or is it a recent development ? Are there other areas of her behaviour that have changed recently ?

No, nothing.

Pixiechic

First and foremost, the concern is about you, maybe your wife isn't used to you having a focus on yourself and not her. Breaking that cycle will affect both of you, in a more positive way I hope. I agree with Marisco that counselling could help you to communicate better with your wife.

Maybe your wife doesn't want to face it all again because she feels that she has moved on, you haven't though. You deserve her support but if, for whatever reason, she is unable to give it (which she doesn't seem to have before) you can still continue to get the support from a counsellor.

Acc72

Hi OP,

Just a couple of observations.

Both you and your wife are going through a period of change, that is separate from the affair.

Your youngest child is just about to go to Uni - leaving an "empty nest" after over 20 years of having children at home.

How does your wife see her "role" in the family ?

What will she do when the children have all left home ? - does she have a job ?

Also, you have described your wife many times as being very attractive physically.

I guess she is now mid - late 40's with daughters (?) who are in their late teens / early 20's ?

She may now be experiencing something new for the first time in her life - that she is not longer "the attractive one" and instead it is your daughter(s) who are seen as this.

I have seen this situation with friends and colleagues before when the woman finds it hard to accept that she is getting older and her daughters are getting the attention from men that she used to enjoy.

waccoe_2

What will she do when the children have all left home ? - does she have a job ?
She will find plenty to do and there are 2 children who live locally, 1 still at home and soon 2 at uni.
My wife has never worked but she has had a full time job of bringing 5 children up.

I guess she is now mid - late 40's with daughters (?) who are in their late teens / early 20's ?
She is 60 but looks 45/50.

She may now be experiencing something new for the first time in her life - that she is not longer "the attractive one" and instead it is your daughter(s) who are seen as this.
She has always struggled with getting older but she likes nothing better than seeing our Daughters all glammed up and going out, she really isn't jealous of them.

Pixiechic

Has your wife ever shown any remorse or guilt regarding the affair?

How do you think that she feels about it now?

waccoe_2

No, I can't say she has shown any remorse or regret. As it hasn't been discussed much I can only go on what little she has said and knowing what she is like. I think if you asked her why she would say that it was my lack of affection and communication and basically it was my fault, I drove her away. She would probably have much more to say than that once she let loose!
"How do you think that she feels about it now?"
I am not sure she regrets the affair but probably regrets telling me. I think she would say I should get over it and stop being so pathetic.

scooby088

OP have you thought about showing your wife this thread?

waccoe_2

I had thought about it but she would go absolutely ballistic and tell me I was being unfaithful with you lot! Lol.

Pixiechic

I don't think that I would mention the counselling again, you have made her aware. She may well choose to ignore it but I hope that won't affect you going.

I really feel for you, I don't really understand why your wife is being like this because it seems, at least, uncaring and cold.

I hope it goes well tomorrow

waccoe_2

No, I won't mention the counselling again unless she asks.
I am just really suprised that she hasn't mentioned it because she has suggested it several times over the years but I just thought that it wasn't me that needed it.