Affair, can't forget

marisco_2

I hope that you have recieved a response to the text you sent earlier and that it has helped you to feel better about things

waccoe_2

Sorry for the delay, been busy.
Yes she has replied positively and said we will work this out.
I was really relieved at her reply because I wasn't sure how she would take it.

dktreesea

marisco wrote: »

You certainly know how to kick a man when he is down dont you. What spiteful and vindictive things to write. In my book the only time you should look down at someone is when you are helping them up.

To look down on someone and make such unfounded statements that you cannot qualify shows you up, not waccoe.

Youi are, of course, entitled to your opinion, though I think your personal attack on me is quite uncalled for. Why the sympathy for the OP but none for his partner?

waccoe_2

dktreesea wrote: »

Why the sympathy for the OP but none for his partner?

I don't quite understand this, I know you have not heard my wife's side but why do you assume she needs any sympathy. I am not having a go at you, I have enough on at the moment, lol, just asking?

marisco_2

That is brilliant news waccoe. Really pleased for you.

Heffi1

Sympathy for the OP is warranted as he has been the one who has had the dirty done to him. The wife is the one who did it.

Maybe you need to read it again, but if one partner cheats on another, then that partner (the one cheated on) deserves to have some sympathy shown to them, and for the other partner to be told that what they did was wrong.

There really is no other way of looking at it...unless you condone this type of cheating behaviour?

dktreesea

waccoe wrote: »

I don't quite understand this, I know you have not heard my wife's side but why do you assume she needs any sympathy. I am not having a go at you, I have enough on at the moment, lol, just asking?

This is from your very first post:
"She feels he need to express her feelings where I just clam up.
I never lose my temper and come over as very cold and uncaring.
She has a massive temper and I tend to just agree with her so as to not rock the boat."

Plenty of guys are not into emotionally expressing themselves. But if you are a woman and are with someone who doesn't respond to you in the way you would like to be responded to, e.g.clamming up when she would like to go over some issues, basically just refusing to get into it, surely you can understand that something might give?

You described yourself as coming across as very cold and uncaring. That's a bit judgemental on yourself; there are plenty of guys out there who can't be bothered getting into any kind of touchy feely discussions. But, by the same token, doing things like agreeing with the woman when you possibly don't (but juzst can't be bothered to get into it) is frustrating for the woman and, imho, is pretty passive-aggressive behaviour.

Some women, finding themselves in that situation, are going to put up with it. They'll still make their emotional connections elsewhere, but don't go so far as to have a physical affair. Your wife isn't one of those people. If you want to move on from this world of hurt, you need to not just accept your wife's past action but also your part in getting her to the point where she went and cheated on you.

Here's a woman who, instead of spending the long weekend with you, has decided to spend it with other people. Most couples who are still interested in each other, on the weekend, do things as a couple. They don't lead separate lives. I can't believe that she got to this point, of rather being with other people than being with you, on her own. Surely it takes two in a relationship to get to that point, not one?

paulineb_2

dktreesea wrote: »

This is from your very first post:
"She feels he need to express her feelings where I just clam up.
I never lose my temper and come over as very cold and uncaring.
She has a massive temper and I tend to just agree with her so as to not rock the boat."

Plenty of guys are not into emotionally expressing themselves. But if you are a woman and are with someone who doesn't respond to you in the way you would like to be responded to, e.g.clamming up when she would like to go over some issues, basically just refusing to get into it, surely you can understand that something might give?

You described yourself as coming across as very cold and uncaring. That's a bit judgemental on yourself; there are plenty of guys out there who can't be bothered getting into any kind of touchy feely discussions. But, by the same token, doing things like agreeing with the woman when you possibly don't (but juzst can't be bothered to get into it) is frustrating for the woman and, imho, is pretty passive-aggressive behaviour.

Some women, finding themselves in that situation, are going to put up with it. They'll still make their emotional connections elsewhere, but don't go so far as to have a physical affair. Your wife isn't one of those people. If you want to move on from this world of hurt, you need to not just accept your wife's past action but also your part in getting her to the point where she went and cheated on you.

Here's a woman who, instead of spending the long weekend with you, has decided to spend it with other people. Most couples who are still interested in each other, on the weekend, do things as a couple. They don't lead separate lives. I can't believe that she got to this point, of rather being with other people than being with you, on her own. Surely it takes two in a relationship to get to that point, not one?

I dont condone what the OPs wife has done.

But I agree with a lot of what has been said above.

And I certainly do not condone having affairs full stop.

But I think that if someone is looking for excitement elsewhere there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship in question.

But I think the biggest issue in all of this, is the fact that the wife offloaded her guilt and theres been very little conversation about it since.

waccoe_2

Hi dktreesea
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I must not have posted my story very clearly, I have said I am poor at communicating but I really don't recognise my marriage from your postings.

victory

waccoe wrote: »

Sorry for the delay, been busy.
Yes she has replied positively and said we will work this out.
I was really relieved at her reply because I wasn't sure how she would take it.

I'm glad you use the word relieved rather than grateful, sometimes you come across as you would accept whatever she wants to give you rather than standing up for yourself.