Affair, can't forget

waccoe_2

My wife had an affair 10 years ago.
She chose to tell me 6 years ago on my 50th birthday while abroad on holiday.
We have 5 children, youngest being 18, lovely house, great lifestyle, no debts, yet I think about this affair every day of my life.
I try to convince myself that I can forgive but I just can't forget.
My wife is stunningly beautiful, she looks 15 years younger than she is, great company, I feel very lucky to have her as my wife.
Yet it has been hard, she used to suffer terribly from PMS and she still suffers from depression.
We are so different in our personalities and upbringing. She had it hard before we met where as I have had a very comfortable life.
She feels he need to express her feelings where I just clam up.
I never lose my temper and come over as very cold and uncaring.
She has a massive temper and I tend to just agree with her so as to not rock the boat

waccoe_2

I had to post this uncompleted as my computer started playing up. I have never spoken to my wife or anybody about how I feel and never will so please be gentle with me, there is so much more to this story but that is enough for now. Have you been in a similar position?

whitewing

I bet she doesn't even think about it at all now.

By this I mean that the current problem is your problem, rather than her. Which sounds harsh, and I don't mean it to be. What exactly causes you to think about it? Are you frightened that she will leave you? Or that she doesn't love you?

fluffnutter

Why did she choose to tell you four years later? (I've got other comments to make but I think it's important to know why she admitted something that, in all likelihood, you'd have otherwise never have known about.

Manchee

Have you been constantly thinking about this for the past 6 years? Or is there something thats brought it all back up again recently?

BitterAndTwisted

You will never speak to her about it? In which case you need to seek help to try and erase this horrible betrayal from your mind. These things can fester if you don't give voice to them, and all the festereing going on could be your own sanity and self-esteem. Is the risk of all of that worth keeping schtum? Really?

fluffnutter

waccoe wrote: »

I have never spoken to my wife .. about how I feel and never will

To put it bluntly, things will never work out if you don't. Communication's the key to a good relationship.

waccoe_2

Hi Whitewing
I know it is my problem and you are not being harsh. I don't want to sound arrogant but I know she won't leave, we have a comfatable life and she wouldn't leave it. She left about 10 years ago around the time of the affair, we bought a cottage for her but she came home after a month.

fluffnutter

waccoe wrote: »

Hi Whitewing
I know it is my problem and you are not being harsh. I don't want to sound arrogant but I know she won't leave, we have a comfatable life and she wouldn't leave it. She left about 10 years ago around the time of the affair, we bought a cottage for her but she came home after a month.

Did you not suspect she was having an affair then?

waccoe_2

Hi fluffnutter
replying as fast as I can.
This is so her, confessing all, speaking her mind. I wish she had never told me. I am so niave, I would never have guessed. A friend told me at the time but I chose to ignore him.

waccoe_2

Hi Manchee
Nothing has brought it up, I just constantly think about it, I could never do it to anybody.