Affair, can't forget

kelpie35

victory wrote: »

I have read your entire thread from when it started and have posted little, until now, thought best to keep out of it because all I have is a very similar story to share and you could read the story and think' well that's fine but this is my life' but this story is about a life.

My friend, let's call her Ann was married for 27 years and knew her husband 8 years before that, 35 years in total, three kids and 2 little beautiful grandkids.

Year 27 her husband told her he had an affair.

She used to come into work, looking haunted, blank , sobbed , screamed, yelled, stopped going out, never wore any make up, could barely find the strength to brush her hair.....

She would question everything 'why her?' 'could she have prevented it?' She was angry and bitter, unsettled and distraught, her mind would go into overdrive constantly.

Lots of talking later, they both decided even though the kids had left home they would stay together in the same house and move forward the best they could.

For a while it seemed the solution, not ideal but workable until Ann started not to be able to sleep, she would have dreams that her OH had had another affair, that she could not find him and began questioning 'what if he had another affair and brought her home?'
'what if he just left and did not tell her?' She couldn't relax, she was stressed, unhappy and would sob so much....

One day, she left, she moved into a tiny little place and sobbed some more, thinking she had made a mistake, that there was no life left, that her kids would be so unhappy... but her friends and family knocked her door and took her out, slowly, very slowly Ann went to bingo, out for a walk, on an outing, over to a family for sunday lunch, they carried her through it and slowly they put her back together and allowed her to have her own wings.

Ann found what she was looking for- peace of mind.

Boy did she go through it, she sobbed so hard at times she said to me ' I thought my head was going to fall off'

She is now 66. Ann tells me she has met 'a friend' who 'she is fond of'.

Ann says that life is an adventure, maybe your lovely kids could take their dad on a little adventure the next time they go on one and help you find your own 'peace of mind'?

What a lovely thoughtful post Victory :A

I hope this can give you the help you need Waccoe to move on with your life.

I hope you can find the strength and peace you deserve.

Take care.

Acc72

waccoe wrote: »

Yes justme, I was avoiding answering and making light of it. Because we both know the answer and that hit a nerve.

I was also going to reply to your post that the above refers to. you chose to reply to the question, but also chose not to answer the question !

Why reply if you had no intention of answering ? - I can see how this behaviour can be very frustrating.

I have followed this thread from the beginning.

Although we only have "one side" of the sitiuation, it is clear that you both demonstrate certain behaviours that you have developed over the years.

Both you and your wife seem to be in some kind of denial - from what you say it sounds as though for you this is due to companionship, and from your wifes perspective this may be because of material posessions.

I am not trying to apportion blame, but it does sound to me that you are an enabler in this relationship, so both of you need to take responsibility.

eg. now that your children have grown up, why doesn't she look for a part time job ? Is it her confidence ? Do you encourage her to stay at home (if so, why ?).

justme111

Ah , at least he replied and acknowledged it for what it was , don't see anything particularly wrong with it.

June_Cambridge

Hi Waccoe, how are you and how are things progressing? Hope you're ok

waccoe_2

Hi June
That is so sweet of you to ask.
Things are going far better than I could have expected. Not a cross word in a long time, we are going abroad on Thursday for a holiday for a week, just the 2 of us so fingers crossed.

June_Cambridge

:TBrilliant, really glad to hear it. Good luck on holiday, fingers crossed you both have a good time. Hope to hear from you when you get back :j