Affair, can't forget

[Deleted User]

I read most of your thread a couple of weeks ago and just caught up with the rest of it tonight.

I hope your holiday goes well. If however, the time together does lead to difficulties I hope you will be able to come back and chat on here.

I don't think this will fit with the situation you have described but I'll mention what used to happen to me.

My now ex used to go on and on about something.., trying to persuade me to see his point of view that even though I was certain I was right and managed to cling on to that.., I would be reduced to a zombie after a couple of days, unable to think or respond to him. Once quite seriously. It was kind of like brain washing.

I'm not sure if that could contribute to your clamming up when she shouts etc at you. It could be that she comes at you, verbally pressing buttons (to do with lack of confidence, self esteem etc) and it becomes so emotional and stressful that you just can't speak.., and you know if you do the shouting will just get worse anyway. Like a learned behaviour.

I admire how you are coping and growing. I hope that you are able to resolve this situation and bring yourself to a happier more fulfilled place.

[Deleted User]

I read most of your thread a couple of weeks ago and just caught up with the rest of it tonight.

I hope your holiday goes well. If however, the time together does lead to difficulties I hope you will be able to come back and chat on here.

I don't think this will fit with the situation you have described but I'll mention what used to happen to me.

My now ex used to go on and on about something.., trying to persuade me to see his point of view that even though I was certain I was right and managed to cling on to that.., I would be reduced to a zombie after a couple of days, unable to think or respond to him. Once quite seriously. It was kind of like brain washing.

I'm not sure if that could contribute to your clamming up when she shouts etc at you. It could be that she comes at you, verbally pressing buttons (to do with lack of confidence, self esteem etc), searching for the right button(s) to produce the response she wants.., and it becomes so emotional and stressful that you just can't speak.., and you know if you do the shouting will just get worse anyway. Like a learned behaviour.

I admire how you are coping and growing. I hope that you are able to resolve this situation and bring yourself to a happier more fulfilled place.

waccoe_2

Update.
Firstly, apologies for being away so long.
I thought I would take some time out from my thread to make sure I was doing what I thought I should do and not be too influenced by other people, please don't take offence, I really appreciate all the help, support and advice I have received on here.
The holiday abroad went very well with just one small fall out but that happens to most couples on holiday. There were no indepth discussions because I laid down the law about drinking and heart to hearts as they don't mix.
On our return the guy I left to oversee my business let me down big time and so I have had plenty to sort out but my wife has been very supportive.
A few days after we got back I sat her down and told her most of what I was feeling. The way she bullies, shouts and puts me down, I described it as domestic abuse and I told her that it had got so bad that I had been making plans to leave.
This really shocked her and things have been so much better since then.
This is just a short summary of the past 5 weeks and I will try to keep you updated.
Again I am sorry I have stayed away but things are much better, there is still room for improvement.

bonniecata

i feel for you and hope things keep improving for you both

kelpie35

waccoe wrote: »

Update.
Firstly, apologies for being away so long.
I thought I would take some time out from my thread to make sure I was doing what I thought I should do and not be too influenced by other people, please don't take offence, I really appreciate all the help, support and advice I have received on here.
The holiday abroad went very well with just one small fall out but that happens to most couples on holiday. There were no indepth discussions because I laid down the law about drinking and heart to hearts as they don't mix.
On our return the guy I left to oversee my business let me down big time and so I have had plenty to sort out but my wife has been very supportive.
A few days after we got back I sat her down and told her most of what I was feeling. The way she bullies, shouts and puts me down, I described it as domestic abuse and I told her that it had got so bad that I had been making plans to leave.
This really shocked her and things have been so much better since then.
This is just a short summary of the past 5 weeks and I will try to keep you updated.
Again I am sorry I have stayed away but things are much better, there is still room for improvement.

Thank you very much for the update :T

I am delighted that you and your wife have been able to sit down and talk. Long may it continue.

It is so nice when a couple can talk through their problems and have a rosy future in sight. :A

Not so good news on the work front:eek: but I am sure that with your determination and hard work that you will be on the right track soon.

Take care

waccoe_2

Thanks Kelpie, the work situation is sorted now.

marisco_2

It is good to hear that you have talked things through with your wife and let her know how you were feeling. I am glad it is getting better and hope this continues for you.

poet123

I am so glad that you have taken the time to take stock.

I think that having now been open and frank with your wife (for perhaps the first time?) things will have hit home and she too will have been reflecting on what she stands to lose if you take the route you outline.

As things have improved I think that you may have turned a corner. Don't expect miracles, people can't change or check all of their behaviour overnight, but if things slide back don't let it pass, talk about it there and then don't allow issues to fester.

Thanks for the update and I really wish you and your family well.

June_Cambridge

Hi Waccoe, so glad for you, I hope she now realises how much she hurt you and how close she came to losing you. I agree with Poet123, if the abusive behaviour starts again you should nip it in the bud otherwise you will be back to square one before you know it. Good luck and would love for you to let us know how it's going.

paulineb_2

Has she apologised for her past behaviour?