Affair, can't forget

marisco_2

Firstly I would like to say that nothing you have written in your post makes you come across as weak or pathetic at all waccoe. Over the last few weeks you have been trying very hard, to find the best way to work on and resolve the issues and problems in your relationship. Taking personal responsibility by making the effort to go along to counselling, in an attempt to reflect on how your approaches effect the dynamics of your marriage, and trying to develop skills to improve how you interact with your wife. All done in the hopes of being able to talk things through with her in a positive manner, calmly facing where you are at together and seeing if you can sort things out.

However you decide to approach this delicate situation after your holiday, keep in mind that you have done all you can to prepare yourself to handle it all with integrity. Take as much time as you need to, to make a careful and considered decision about what you need to do next for your future to be happy.

kelpie35

I have to agree that you are not weak or pathetic. You are an honest person who is trying to sort out the problems you have in accepting your wife had an affair.

If you are going on holiday with only your wife you might be able to explain, to her, how her behaviour over the last 10 or so years has affected you. How hurt this behavior has caused you and how you have really felt. When she is not in her usual comfort zone, of being at home, and has nowhere to hide, she might then listen to you.

If you feel you are unable to have a face to face with her, would you manage to write her a letter. You might be able to write down more of how you feel and how it has and is still affecting you.

She has to take responsibility for her actions. You have tried to cope for so many years but it has now caught up with you.

You deserve to have a happy life, but by the sounds of things you are only existing. YOU deserve much better than that.

You are a very brave man, who is able to put the abuse you have received from your wife, to the side and is trying to save your marriage. :A

Only you can decide which path in life you are going to take. Try to have a nice holiday and I hope the change of scenery enables you to make the decisions that are right for you.

Rottensocks

Waccoe, just read your thread, and can really hear the change in you as the thread progresses.
I am shocked by the disdain and apparent cruelty you have recieved from your wife over the years: That sort of contempt must be incredibly hard to live with, and erodes your confidence.... You have been called paranoid etc on this thread, but I'd say that what is apparent is not paranoia, but the effects of countless toxic throwaway comments which appear designed to play on your mind, but appear outwardly inoffensive. How horrible for you.

Back in your original post, you said your wife had suffered from PMS and depression, but what is being conveyed here appears to me to be actual active nastiness, not an illness. Real emotional cruelty to you.

It may be that some of the nasty comments your wife makes about the affair are down to her own disappointment and feelings of having made a total fool of herself: Your account sounds as though she wooed this guy for 18 months, then he had sex with her in a seedy hotel, gave her her phone back, and dumped her. Nice. That can't have felt too good to her fragile ego! Perhaps you have been 'paying' for this kick to her dignity for some time?

In any event, I really hope that you find away to put your mind at rest and have a less troubled life. You don't sound insane or obsessive to me, simply badly treated, and taken for granted.

justme111

kelpie35 wrote: »

I . When she is not in her usual comfort zone, of being at home, and has nowhere to hide, she might then listen to you.

What a master plan to ruin may be their last holiday together

scooby088

justme111 wrote: »

What a master plan to ruin may be their last holiday together

Does it really matter? For anyone reading this thread the marriage is already dead as the live seperate lives anyway.

waccoe_2

scooby088 wrote: »

Does it really matter? For anyone reading this thread the marriage is already dead as the live seperate lives anyway.

Thanks for the encouragement Scooby, lol.
We leave for our week's holiday in Greece tomorrow and I thought I would give it one last shot.

scooby088

waccoe wrote: »

Thanks for the encouragement Scooby, lol.
We leave for our week's holiday in Greece tomorrow and I thought I would give it one last shot.

Didn't mean to put a downer on the situation, I do hope that you can start to work on your relationship, maybe the time away in a foreign climate may help you get a clearer perspective.

justme111

It does matter
Because whether marriage is on.or off they do not need to have hell instead of holidays

scooby088

justme111 wrote: »

It does matter
Because whether marriage is on.or off they do not need to have hell instead of holidays

And with your wife making nasty comments, I guess here that those will not stop because they are on holiday! So maybe not a good holiday for the OP.

waccoe_2

scooby088 wrote: »

Didn't mean to put a downer on the situation, I do hope that you can start to work on your relationship, maybe the time away in a foreign climate may help you get a clearer perspective.

Thanks for the reply, your first post did actually make me laugh.