Affair, can't forget

waccoe_2

Poet, thank you so much for that posting. There is nothing that I strongly disagree with. You make some very good points. I know I have my faults and maybe I am hard to live with but I think it is very hard to spot your own faults and this is partly what I am hoping the counsellor can teach me to do.

poet123

waccoe wrote: »

Poet, thank you so much for that posting. There is nothing that I strongly disagree with. You make some very good points. I know I have my faults and maybe I am hard to live with but I think it is very hard to spot your own faults and this is partly what I am hoping the counsellor can teach me to do.

It certainly is hard for any of us to be objective about our faults, or how those faults or even just "differences" affect others.

That is the job of the counsellor, they are there to help you to reach a state of self awareness, but from my perspective I don't think she is taking you down that road. There are those out there who say what the client wants to hear, it can be hard to bite the hand that feeds, if you get my drift?

poet123

OP, have there been any developments?

waccoe_2

Hi Poet
Nothing really, a bit of a standoff at the moment with us just being polite to each other and we are busy with children and partners home from uni.
Got my next counseller session on Friday.

Pixiechic

Hope you are okay Waccoe and that councelling session went/goes well

waccoe_2

Hi Pixie
Thanks for asking, it went well.
We are working on me not trying to please her all the time and being afraid of her response if I don't. This goes back to the Parent/Child thing I mentioned in a previous post.
It is so frustrating as I am so confident in every other part of my life and meet and deal with people all the time with no problem but when it comes to talking about things with my wife, about our marriage and my feelings I am just a nervous wreck.
My friends andacquantancies would not believe this about me but I am working on it but I think it will take a while.

Pixiechic

I think that when emotions are involved, it is more difficult.

Just being aware of the parent/child dynamic, your need to please her and fear if you don't, will help you to adapt your responses to her.

Hopefully, this will benefit you both.

Fluff15

It's nice to see that you're working on your own issues Waccoe, whilst trying to save your marriage. Too often, people leave a relationship as they believe the other half was always in the wrong, and don't see the faults they have themselves. It takes two to tango, and I hope you both work on your issues and come to an agreement.

duchy

SuzieSue wrote: »

I don't care if my posts are removed as long as the OPs have seen them first. As for the whole threads being removed, I assume that the OP will have read all the comments before they are removed, so it doesn't really matter to anyone.

I have no idea what your last paragraph is saying at all.

However, I notice that you haven't answered my point about why you are still reading a thread where you believe the OP is lying (unless you last paragraph answered it)?

Reported

I'm getting a mite tired of this poster repeatedly trying to derail threads with her immature and tunnel visioned nonsense.

Wol2

poet123 wrote: »

It certainly is hard for any of us to be objective about our faults, or how those faults or even just "differences" affect others.

That is the job of the counsellor, they are there to help you to reach a state of self awareness, but from my perspective I don't think she is taking you down that road. There are those out there who say what the client wants to hear, it can be hard to bite the hand that feeds, if you get my drift?

BACK ON TOPIC!!!

Waccoe - I have read through your whole thread this evening and my heart goes out to you.

You are being very courageous and I applaud your decision to seek counselling ..:T.......it really has/is still working for me.

I would like to think that Poet123 is voicing a concern that I too have, based upon my own experience and what you have posted. I would like to think Poet is not intending to be judgmental - merely trying to introduce an element of caution :cool:

As in any profession - be it accountancy/solicitors/counsellors/doctors/architects etc etc - there will always be "competent" and "not so competent" people....and some will "click" with you and some won;t,


I think your current Counsellor is providing really good information/support that is helping you to understand your current situation and empowering you to start to question/make meaningful decisions.

However I really would like to support what I believe to be the main issue for poet123 ....NONE of my Counsellors EVER suggested/judged/ pronounced on my situation within 2-3 meetings as yours has done...:(... as it is against the code of ethics.
YES - I was in an abusive relationship - but it was left to me, without their pronouncement, to work that out for myself. i.e. it was MY decision, not theirs, to decide to interpret my relationship in such terms.

I am not saying your Counsellor is wrong in their pronouncement...that is between you and them and if you feel at this time that it helps you to move forwards then it is their decision and yours .However, like Poet123, I am concerned that your Counsellor has done this so soon, as it does breach the code of ethics.

By all means take the helpful pointers from your Counsellor as part of your journey......but please, be aware that you are very vulnerable to suggestion from people/professionals you might respect and that is why the Code of ethics for Counsellors is as it is.

FWIW - you seem to have had a light bulb moment in terms of your relationship courtesy of your Counselllor - that may be necessary and right - the Transactional analysis parent/adult/child from my first Counsellor certainly helped me put my first foot on the road to finally understand i was in an abusive relationship..

However as you journey along this path, you need to be aware that you night need to seek other help along the road to self-awareness.
As Poet says, it might not always be comfortable for you. Personally, I am now learning what it is about me that attracts me to certain personalities and vice versa - It has not been pleasant but it has been valuable and ultimately is helping me to live a happier life.

Counselllors should not be there to act as judge and jury.....and I think that is why Poet123 is concerned and why I too feel their expressed concerns should not be misinterpreted....

I wish you peace and joy in your new journey......whatever the outcome.... ....and trust that your new-found self-awareness will be as liberating for you as it was for me.

Courage mon frere!

xxxx