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Affair, can't forget
Comments
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Well, then they can carry on removing my posts then if they want to.
If you don't believe what the OP is saying then why are you still reading the thread? There are enough people on here who do and will give him advice.
And they will;) As they should, but sadly when they do that sometimes the whole thread goes with it. Is that your aim?
You are very shortsighted (and from your earlier posts) probably too close to this type of issue to give unbiased advice.
However, to get back OT having your own view bolstered when it may not be the whole picture or when it maybe missing vital components that throw light into the darker corners of the relationship is not the best way forward (which is why councelling is often emotionally painful) even if it is what you want to hear.0 -
And they will;) As they should, but sadly when they do that sometimes the whole thread goes with it. Is that your aim?
You are very shortsighted (and from your earlier posts) probably too close to this type of issue to give unbiased advice.
However, to get back OT having your own view bolstered when it may not be the whole picture or when it maybe missing vital components that throw light into the darker corners of the relationship is not the best way forward (which is why councelling is often emotionally painful) even if it is what you want to hear.
I don't care if my posts are removed as long as the OPs have seen them first. As for the whole threads being removed, I assume that the OP will have read all the comments before they are removed, so it doesn't really matter to anyone.
I have no idea what your last paragraph is saying at all.
However, I notice that you haven't answered my point about why you are still reading a thread where you believe the OP is lying (unless you last paragraph answered it)?0 -
Come on people, please can we call a truce on this debate on nasty/nice. I am not taking sides but it is not helping anybody is it?0
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It was booked about 2 months ago, we chose it together. There is nothing unusual as we holiday several times a year.
I was asking because I wondered if she was enthusiastic about spending time with you on holiday.
If she enjoys holidays with you and continues to want to go on them with you, it's positive.0 -
Oh yes, she is looking forward to, but this is what we do, let life carry on as if nothing has happened until something gets said again, I ignore it and we carry on.I was asking because I wondered if she was enthusiastic about spending time with you on holiday.
If she enjoys holidays with you and continues to want to go on them with you, it's positive.
I have just about had enough and that is why I am having counselling, to see if I can deal with the past, present and future.0 -
I can understand why you have had enough, I dont know how you have put up with it for so long.
Has she shown any interest or concern regarding your counselling yet?0 -
Good morning Poet,
I didn't reply last night as I had enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine and I wanted a clear head.
Good morning.Hopefully no one knows me on here but to read "The "abuse" (which of course it is, if it is as stated) was only mentioned way down the line, I have to say I am not buying this at face value." It reads to me that you think I may be lying or exaggerating, if you knew me you wouldn't think that and I am not trying to get you all on here on my side as you don't know us, I don't see it as a popularity contest.
I explained earlier that the voilence never seemed important to me, I always just thought that it was part of her temper, once she had run out of words this is how she took out her frustration with me.
But we don't know you, we only know what you choose to tell us and when you choose to bring it to the table.
I can appreciate that perhaps to you the violence is unimportant, but having dropped that in to the mix you must appreciate that those reading immediately ramp up the picture of your wife to include that violence. You mentioned that at post 366, around the time when some posters were asking you to question your behaviour. Whether you put that info out there consciously or unconsciously the tone of the thread shifted back to unconditional support of your position.
"The counsellor said she (the wife) was a bully etc, etc, simply on the say so of a new client? not buying that either, if that happened, that professional is breaking several codes of practice."Again I feel you are accusing me of lying, the counseller did say these things and I found them very helpful as I have been too blind to see and to be told the bullying and domestic abuse is a recognised thing was a great relief to find it wasn't just happening to me.
The counseller should not have said those things, that is not in her remit. If she did, I would question whether she is the person to help you resolve this in the way you have said you would most like it resolved; the continuation of your marriage. Labelling the behaviour of one side of an unknown (to her) equation is just not done. Those labels can never be taken back and whilst there may be substance to them, that substance may be balanced by your own part in the issue.
You admit to being cold and silent, unable to discuss feelings. That could equally be construed by others as wanting to control your wife by the withdrawal of affection or approval or emotional bullying. You see where I am going with this? To help you a councellor should allow you to explore your issues, your part in the whole picture not absolve you from any "blame" by labelling the other party.
"There are two sides to every story and on MSE it is very easy to manipulate those with their own baggage to the way of thinking of any given poster if you read the signs correctly."I am not trying to manipulate posters on here, and yes my wife will have her side to tell but she is not on here to tell it.
Maybe you are not doing it consciously, but many of the posters who are so vociferously on "your side" have in the past posted of their own similar issues, so they see themselves reflected in your story, and by your adding in tidbits they are being prodded to post support.
"There is way more to this than meets the eye."Yes, my wife would probably agree but it wouldn't be fair to her for me to try to tell you her side.
That might be true, equally it may be that you don't want to see the reasons for the issues or don't want others to see them and so perhaps be fairer or more analytical of the relationship as a whole in their responses. Please understand there is no excuse for an affair, she should have left you and either made a clean break or tried to work out the issues from that standpoint.I have said many times before that I am a poor communicator on matters like this but I have come on here and poured my heart out and I have nothing to gain from lying.
I am not really suggesting you are lying, more seeing what you want to see, and from your own perspective, whilst paying lip service to mentioning what your wife would say. Glossing over, not seeing the real underlying reasons for the position you find yourself in. That is not to say that ultimately you can't/won't decide to end the marriage, but that if you look at all the facets even the ones which don't paint you in a good light, you will reach that conclusion from a holistic and honest train of thought and examination.Poet, I am sure you meant well in your comments and I appreciate that you have bothered to read my thread but please believe me, I have not told one lie on here unless it was to hide my identity.
I do mean well, you come across as a nice man but I do think that the road your councellor is leading you down is potentially dangerous and has no room for U turns in it. Be clear that is what you want or 10 years from now you could look back and really regret your actions.
Consider your children's take on this; do they see your relationship in terms of you are in the right, mum in the wrong or do they see it the other way round? Or somewhere in the middle? They can be a useful sounding board (done sensitively) as to whether it is all one sided or whether, to be blunt, your "perceived" emotional detachment has lead to this point and as such they would not blame their mother for behaving as she does.
In my opinion these are all points to ponder and questions I would be asking as a counsellor rather than almost immediately apportioning blame to the other party.
You may feel vindicated by her observations but they worry me a great deal and make me question if you will ultimately get what you need from her, despite it appearing that way at the outset.0
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