Affair, can't forget

HEPPY1990

Maybe try relate again in my experience if you get the right councellor it really helps!

waccoe_2

HEPPY1990 wrote: »

Maybe try relate again in my experience if you get the right councellor it really helps!

Thanks Heppy but that is not going to happen, my wife seems to see it as a problem with me accepting what happened and the problem is not with her.
As I have posted before, we have tried Relate and counselling together but she felt that everyone was against her.

marisco_2

waccoe wrote: »

my wife seems to see it as a problem with me accepting what happened and the problem is not with her.

How do you feel about this?

waccoe_2

marisco wrote: »

How do you feel about this?

Not very happy but what can I do. I am going to keep on with my counselling and when I feel confidant enough I am planning on confronting her with how I feel.

marisco_2

waccoe wrote: »

Not very happy but what can I do. I am going to keep on with my counselling and when I feel confidant enough I am planning on confronting her with how I feel.

That is very good to hear. You started this thread just over a month ago and the difference in you is huge already. Forgive me if I am wrong but I don't think you could even have contemplated doing this, before taking all the fabulous advice from this thread and having started seeing your counsellor. The increase in your sense of self worth is palpable and that is something to be proud of, considering the strain and upset this ongoing situation has put you under.

I hope very much that when you feel it is the right time, to broach all that you are thinking and feeling with your wife, that you get to express all that is on your mind and will be listened to. Hopefully she will love and value you enough to want to share her feelings and perspective on everything too, so as you two can find a positive way forward from where you are at now.

June_Cambridge

Hi Waccoe,

Haven't heard from you for a while, hope everything is ok.

waccoe_2

Hi June
Thanks for asking, to be honest I am trying to keep things quite at home as my wife and I go on holiday on Wednesday for a week and I thought it better to make a decision when we get back.
I went to visit my counseller today but I am not sure about going again. I am more aware now of my failings but without any input or interest from my wife it seems a bit pointless.
I am still in 2 minds (actually several minds!) what to do next.
1. Carry on in our comfy lifestyle but having no relationship.
2. Tell her what is bothering me and wait for the (anticipated) backlash.
3. Try to speak to her as my counseller has advised me, not easy with her screaming in my face.
4. Leave and cause our family to break up and not be on such a sure financial footing.
I know this sounds weak and pathetic but it is honest.
There are more options but that is enough for now, lol.

SuzieSue

I would try 3 because if you don't you will have regrets. If 3 doesn't work, then I would try 1 and see if you can meet the kind of person you deserve to be with.

I know I am going get flamed by lots of people for suggesting that you cheat on your wife, but I met my husband after his wife had had an affair and while he was still married to her and living in the same house but they were living separate lives.

You are not weak or pathetic.

poet123

SuzieSue wrote: »

I would try 3 because if you don't you will have regrets. If 3 doesn't work, then I would try 1 and see if you can meet the kind of person you deserve to be with.

I know I am going get flamed by lots of people for suggesting that you cheat on your wife, but I met my husband after his wife had had an affair and while he was still married to her and living in the same house but they were living separate lives.

You are not weak or pathetic.

Yes, you are. He would be no better than his wife if he took that route. Cheating as a solution to an ailing marriage is not the way forward. Ever.

waccoe_2

Perhaps I can stop this in it's tracks, I appreciate all your comments but I would NEVER cheat on my wife. I am not looking for someone else, I either stay with my wife or I stay on my own for a good length of time.