Affair, can't forget

Orlando_Virgin

I actually agree with Suzie to a certain extent and I think it applies to good looking men as well. If they have had the attention most of their lives due to their looks, no matter what they say, it does change and affect them. I think they even get used to it and struggle to adapt to one person.

It's only an opinion of course.

waccoe_2

If I was to talk to a counsellor, how would I go about finding a good one related to my problem, is there an association?

seven-day-weekend

waccoe wrote: »

I had to post this uncompleted as my computer started playing up. I have never spoken to my wife or anybody about how I feel and never will so please be gentle with me, there is so much more to this story but that is enough for now. Have you been in a similar position?

Then she probably thinks you don't care, or that is as all over and finalised in your head as it is in hers. You MUST talk about your feelings.

Then together you can work through it.

If you really feel you can't talk to your wife, then you need to have some professional counselling.

quantumleap

Dunroamin wrote: »

Surely she was right to answer the question honestly? What would be the point in just saying nothing?

I think it is possible to answer a question such as this honestly without being hurtful. I don't agree that there was any need whatsoever to talk about how much better the sex was.

waccoe_2

People have suggested that I have a problem for not getting over this affair and that I should seek councelling and that I may have mental health issues.
I will give you 3 examples from the last 24 hours.
My wife says that she is going to see her Cousin next week, who lives 10 miles away and the one I mentioned earlier and quoted "Richard, will never be David", go out for a drink and stay the night. I am sure she is, I have no way of discreetly checking but it prays on my mind.
Last night she jokingly said that our kitchen is so big that when we sell the house it could be used as a cookery school and, mmmmmm, John (from Masterchef) could come round anytime!, it just hurts me but I try and pretend to laugh.
This morning she is going out of the house and I tell her not to worry about the dogs as I am around all day, she replies, "great, I am meeting my lover for some afternnoon delight".
All good fun, good banter but it all leaves me shaking and feeling sick.
I am starting to believe it is all my problem and I do need help.

victory

waccoe wrote: »

People have suggested that I have a problem for not getting over this affair and that I should seek councelling and that I may have mental health issues.
I will give you 3 examples from the last 24 hours.
My wife says that she is going to see her Cousin next week, who lives 10 miles away and the one I mentioned earlier and quoted "Richard, will never be David", go out for a drink and stay the night. I am sure she is, I have no way of discreetly checking but it prays on my mind.
Last night she jokingly said that our kitchen is so big that when we sell the house it could be used as a cookery school and, mmmmmm, John (from Masterchef) could come round anytime!, it just hurts me but I try and pretend to laugh.
This morning she is going out of the house and I tell her not to worry about the dogs as I am around all day, she replies, "great, I am meeting my lover for some afternnoon delight".
All good fun, good banter but it all leaves me shaking and feeling sick.
I am starting to believe it is all my problem and I do need help.

Right well here you have a choice...if you feel that this is banter from her side but you take it as more hurtful then let her know that.

You don't have to listen to this, put up with this, have her crack these hilarious jokes that are leaving you feeling upset and unhappy and I know you have posted you are not a talker but talk to her.

People only get treated the way they let themselves be treated.

Stand up for yourself, say no, also why does your wife have to constantly go out here there and everywhere and you stay behind? Can you not go with her? Can you not do some things together?

ecgirl07

waccoe wrote: »

People have suggested that I have a problem for not getting over this affair and that I should seek councelling and that I may have mental health issues.
I will give you 3 examples from the last 24 hours.
My wife says that she is going to see her Cousin next week, who lives 10 miles away and the one I mentioned earlier and quoted "Richard, will never be David", go out for a drink and stay the night. I am sure she is, I have no way of discreetly checking but it prays on my mind.
Last night she jokingly said that our kitchen is so big that when we sell the house it could be used as a cookery school and, mmmmmm, John (from Masterchef) could come round anytime!, it just hurts me but I try and pretend to laugh.
This morning she is going out of the house and I tell her not to worry about the dogs as I am around all day, she replies, "great, I am meeting my lover for some afternnoon delight".
All good fun, good banter but it all leaves me shaking and feeling sick.
I am starting to believe it is all my problem and I do need help.

all of the above sounds like she is taking the pi$$ becuase she knows you wont leave her because "you love her and she is beautiful and out your league"

before i read your latest post i was going to ask have you gone mental at her and shouted and ranted about how you hate her for what she and how mush she hurt you and how hard it is to forgive and forget? (before the flamers come with their thats abuse - in case it is not because the op needs to get this out his head and sometimes it is good to cry and shout and be angry with a partner)

or do you just keep this calm non emotive presence?

would having an angry rant at her to let it all out help? sometimes in relationships you need to let it all out to get over it.

justme111

I am not sure about what was wrong with kitchen comment because I do not know background of that convo and all the details. I believe the last comment was of extremely poor taste.
Listen , if you feel sick and pretend all is normal that's not right. If you never talked with her about it that's not right. She might have a feelung she lives with a robot and keep trying to elicit some response.
I am not sure what your idea of a marriage is as you never talk to your wife about contentious issues or may be about nothing else apart from who feeds the dogs. Women tend not to like it. We are all different of course and may be you right in your world but if you do not feel very happy those are the details of your personality and relationship that may account for it.

ecgirl07

waccoe wrote: »

.
This morning she is going out of the house and I tell her not to worry about the dogs as I am around all day, she replies, "great, I am meeting my lover for some afternnoon delight".

or reply "what time are you back? ill need to make sure my mistress is away!";)

see how she likes it when she gets a bit of her own medicine if you want to be flippantly childish.

Orlando_Virgin

waccoe wrote: »

People have suggested that I have a problem for not getting over this affair and that I should seek councelling and that I may have mental health issues.
I will give you 3 examples from the last 24 hours.
My wife says that she is going to see her Cousin next week, who lives 10 miles away and the one I mentioned earlier and quoted "Richard, will never be David", go out for a drink and stay the night. I am sure she is, I have no way of discreetly checking but it prays on my mind.
Last night she jokingly said that our kitchen is so big that when we sell the house it could be used as a cookery school and, mmmmmm, John (from Masterchef) could come round anytime!, it just hurts me but I try and pretend to laugh.
This morning she is going out of the house and I tell her not to worry about the dogs as I am around all day, she replies, "great, I am meeting my lover for some afternnoon delight".
All good fun, good banter but it all leaves me shaking and feeling sick.
I am starting to believe it is all my problem and I do need help.

She's doing my head in. She sounds like she swans about the place wearing the pants mate. You need to make a stand, all those jokes would be harmless enough if it wasn't for the fact her history tells you that she should be careful around those kind of jokes.

It wouldn't surprise me if she isn't in the slightest bit bothered about her past actions. I blame her for that but I've got to be honest I also blame you for sitting back and taking this kind of sh*t. Be strong mate, and make a stand. I've said it three times now, but you can't go on like this. She probably told you about the affair because she didn't want it on her conscience and knew you wouldn't leave anyway because she thinks she is superior.