Affair, can't forget

marisco_2

waccoe wrote: »

Hi Duchy
In answer to your question.
"Did you ASK her what she meant or just add it to your ever growing mountain of paranoia ?"
She said he understood women, was more understanding, sensative, expressed his feelings, in tune with a women's needs and a great lover.

If the above and the 'Richard, will never be David' comment isn't the writing on the wall I dont know what is. Your wife is basically comparing you very unfavourably to the man she had an affair with. That should tell you all you need to know about where you truly stand in her affections. To do that is cruel and to treat you with contempt. No wonder you are in such a god awful emotional state.

This affair guy is not some white knight who was understanding, sensitive and in tune with your wifes needs at all. Sorry to speak ill of your wife, a woman I do not know, but she appears gullible enough to have put on a pedestal a wrong un, simply because he said all the right things for a short time. I dont wish to be crass but any guy can do that in order to have a bit of fun and get their leg over.

It is the ones who have some substance about them and behave with integrity that are worth being with long term. Not some charmer out to meet his own needs. It is a shame your wife cant appreciate that.

victory

waccoe wrote: »

She recently quoted her Cousin, who she is very close to and obviously knows, probably more than me.
Names obviously changed.
"Richard, will never be David".
(Richard being me and David being the other guy).
These 5 words haunt me constantly.

THis is quite sickening, that a person who is supposed to love you, be loyal, caring, supportive would say such a thing is very difficult to even comprehend why you would then want to hold her hand and be anywhere near her?

Your wife having the affair was devastating enough for you but now with all that you say you are torturing yourself, every little detail, played over, every phone conversation, everything she says and does, you are making yourself ill, this has to be very black and white and I know for you there are many shades of grey but it has to be one or the other, either let it go, forget about it, put it in a box somewhere and never open the lid again or have the most horrendous painful memories which will spill out all over your marriage making sure you are unable to move on to a happier more settled state of mind, ultimately ruining this marriage and any other partnership that comes along.

victory

waccoe wrote: »

Hi Duchy
In answer to your question.
"Did you ASK her what she meant or just add it to your ever growing mountain of paranoia ?"
She said he understood women, was more understanding, sensative, expressed his feelings, in tune with a women's needs and a great lover.

If that is actually the way she feels and it is the truth why on earth did she let him go? Fantasy perhaps?

paulineb_2

victory wrote: »

If that is actually the way she feels and it is the truth why on earth did she let him go? Fantasy perhaps?

The grass is always greener as they say.

I dont think any of this is healthy and I agree, the OP needs help to move forward.

waccoe_2

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, I do read every one. I don't always comment because I can't always think what to say but I am taking it all onboard.

waccoe_2

Why is it that SOME woman fall for the risky, bad ones, then settle down with us straight, safe ones but still hanker after a bit of danger?

shoppaholic_returns

Waecoe, you seem like a genuine guy.

I really think you have got to stop killing yourself by staying in this relationship. Trust me, divorce is not easy. However, if you make the break sooner rather than later you have more of a chance to find someone that deserves a loyal partner and that you feel comfortable with. You can't go through your life this way torturing yourself, before you know it you will have missed out on years of happiness.

My personal thoughts are that your wife will do this again if you stay with her, as she is clearly not happy at home. Set her free and find the happiness you deserve!

kelpie35

waccoe wrote: »

Why is it that SOME woman fall for the risky, bad ones, then settle down with us straight, safe ones but still hanker after a bit of danger?

Because there is something lacking from the relationship from the safe one (you)

I know you say that you love your wife but do you not have any self respect?

If you are content to allow your wife to walk all over you and allowing her to make a fool of you then I think you seriously need help.

Dunroamin

quantumleap wrote: »

To be honest mate, if my wife had done what your wife has done and I'd got that reply from a question, I think either me or she would be out the door in rather swift fashion. Appreciate that might not be what you want to hear but that response shows, in my opinion, a great deal of disrespect that I simply couldn't tolerate.

Surely she was right to answer the question honestly? What would be the point in just saying nothing?

SuzieSue

waccoe wrote: »

Why is it that SOME woman fall for the risky, bad ones, then settle down with us straight, safe ones but still hanker after a bit of danger?

Why is it that SOME straight, safe guys fall for the women who they know are going to hanker after a bit of danger?

You said in your opening post that your wife is stunningly beautiful and you are very luck to have her. If you find her stunningly beautiful then other people probably will. You could have found someone who wasn't going to be as attractive to other men.