Affair, can't forget

duchy

and ?

I'll never be MY cousin either ........ she has some great traits and some not so good traits .....and so do I. So what ? Did you ASK her what she meant or just add it to your ever growing mountain of paranoia ?

waccoe_2

Wow Duchy, you certainly know how to kick a man when he is down, lol.

quantumleap

waccoe wrote: »

Wow Duchy, you certainly know how to kick a man when he is down, lol.

I agree that Duchy could perhaps have toned the response down just a little. However, I think the point that is being made is that you really would benefit from having a frank, open and honest talk with your wife. Telling her how you are feeling inside, asking her what she means by the David/Richard conversation.

I know you've said you are not one for doing this sort of thing (talking, opening up) but I can't really see another way for you to get some piece. If you simply can't have this sort of open and honest conversation with your wife then perhaps you should consider some individual counselling in order to help you achieve this. Perhaps even joint counselling if you feel you could be more open in that sort of environment.

Either way, I think you need to be open and honest. It doesn't seem to me like you've done anything wrong (although I'm aware we are getting one side of a story here) but you have to find some piece.

I'm a 40 year old man BTW with just a little experience of a cheating partner.

I wish you well!

marisco_2

waccoe wrote: »

"When was the last time you went for a walk, held hands, laughed together.....the simple things that bind a couple together ?"
We do all those things and so much more, on the surface we appear happy it is just what is in my mind that is spoiling things.

When you spend time together and do all the normal couple things as described above, has that become just going through the motions for you? If you aren't 'feeling it' with your wife any more because you are so racked with upset and anxiety over her affair then the relationship is broken. I raise this question because you say that on the surface you appear happy which suggests to me that deep down you really aren't.

scooby088

OP you need to let it go or let your wife go.....simple really it's you who needs help getting it out of your head.

duchy

waccoe wrote: »

Wow Duchy, you certainly know how to kick a man when he is down, lol.

But you didn't answer my question !!

waccoe_2

Hi Duchy
In answer to your question.
"Did you ASK her what she meant or just add it to your ever growing mountain of paranoia ?"
She said he understood women, was more understanding, sensative, expressed his feelings, in tune with a women's needs and a great lover.

quantumleap

waccoe wrote: »

Hi Duchy
In answer to your question.
"Did you ASK her what she meant or just add it to your ever growing mountain of paranoia ?"
She said he understood women, was more understanding, sensative, expressed his feelings, in tune with a women's needs and a great lover.

To be honest mate, if my wife had done what your wife has done and I'd got that reply from a question, I think either me or she would be out the door in rather swift fashion. Appreciate that might not be what you want to hear but that response shows, in my opinion, a great deal of disrespect that I simply couldn't tolerate.

vanessav

I think that it is natural that you are still hurting. You did not get the 'honest truthful' answers from your wife that Bast talks about. Which means that your imagination is still torturing you! You need all your questions answered so that you can integrate what happened. I really do think that you need to find a way for you and your wife to talk. Did she think that she 'deserved' an affair? If so, you should be hurt and angry. Really, whatever your wife felt was wrong with the marriage, I cannot see that sh*gging someone else was an appropriate response.

Update: I just read your post in which your wife said that the bloke she slept with was 'in tune with a woman's needs' and 'a great lover'. Yeah right...So 'in tune' that he did it once then ended it. It is likely that she said this to you because she wanted to hurt you and get a big response from you. Let her see how upset you are - ask her to speak honestly - not spitefully - about the affair. If she doesn't think she owes you this, then you need to do some soul searching about whether it is in your best emotional interests to stay with her.

Orlando_Virgin

Waccoe,

The more I read this, the more I'm beginning this whole scenario has been torturing you for years and you're suffering from a mental illness. For your own good, TALK TO SOMEONE.

Your behaviour in reacting to all this in unhealthy and bordering on strange, I completely understand why, but you need to seek help before it gets any worse.