Affair, can't forget

System

Waccoe

has she shown any sign of remorse at all?

Dunroamin

waccoe wrote: »

Any ideas?

Why not make an appointment to see a counsellor through Relate?

waccoe_2

I want to go private as I need to go now!
Remorse? No, she said I drove her to it.
And please don't worry, I can take a joke.

Fluff15

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/

Look for those in your area that specialise in relationship/couples counselling. You might not find the right one straight away, but keep trying until you find a counsellor that you feel comfortable with. Many do free assessments and won't be offended if you can't go back. Go alone at first, learn how to deal with your feelings and try and talk to your wife about it. Once she knows how you feel, suggest going together. You've done nothing but bottle it up for so long, it isn't healthy. Communication is key.

waccoe_2

Thanks Fluff
I have started to open up. I have told you good people on here more than I have today anyone.

Dunroamin

Dunroamin wrote: »

Why not make an appointment to see a counsellor through Relate?

In case you've missed this

http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

Fluff15

waccoe wrote: »

Thanks Fluff
I have started to open up. I have told you good people on here more than I have today anyone.

That's a great start. If you have a problem with repeating your feelings to the counsellor initially, maybe show him/her this thread?

waccoe_2

That did cross my mind but I feel confident I will be okay to talk.

scooby088

waccoe wrote: »

Hi Scooby
I thought that was partly why you went to a counseller when you find it hard to open up.

If you are anything like me I find it easier to talk to strangers than people I know, maybe it would be easier for you. When I did my anger management counselling I just used the yellow pages, please don't discount the idea of using that as a tool to find help.

When I did my counselling I paid £45 per hour it was the best money I had ever spent.

marisco_2

Firstly I would like to say that I do not think that you have mental health issues at all.

What you do have is severe trust issues after being informed by your wife that she had an affair. This is a very common consequence suffered by innocent parties when their partner cheats on them.

You come across as a grounded, loyal, family orientated guy who believes in having respect for their partner and has morals and values. You have said that you could never have been unfaithful. This is because you loved and respected your wife and would not wish to ever treat her so badly. So being made aware of your wifes infidelity left you shell shocked and completely broke the trust you shared.

You have never felt able to discuss your true feelings with her about all that went on. She may have decided that seeing as you have not said how you truly view her betrayal, that you have forgiven and forgotten the affair and all is well. Personally I think it would take for someone to be incredibly arrogant, to truly believe that could be the case after they have cheated on someone.

You cannot go on as you are. She thinks nothing of making saucy comments that she probably thinks you take in jest. Until you talk with her and explain exactly how you feel then these will continue. All the while this goes on you will be left feeling anxious, shaken up and sickened.

I do believe you need to have counselling to work through your emotions and to get to a stage where you feel strong enough to decide how exactly you want your future to be. If you dont look into making positive steps forward then you will be waking up every day in 5, 10, 15 years time feeling exactly as you do now. That scenario is not worth even contemplating surely!