Affair, can't forget

System

My wife says that she is going to see her Cousin next week, who lives 10 miles away and the one I mentioned earlier and quoted "Richard, will never be David",

Last night she jokingly said that our kitchen is so big that when we sell the
house it could be used as a cookery school and, mmmmmm, John (from Masterchef)
could come round anytime!

This morning she is going out of the house and I tell her not to worry about the dogs as I am around all day, she replies, "great, I am meeting my lover for some afternnoon delight".

Cant you see how she is playing you? She's had an affair and she is rubbing your nose in it.

Man up!

Dunroamin

waccoe wrote: »

People have suggested that I have a problem for not getting over this affair and that I should seek councelling and that I may have mental health issues.
I will give you 3 examples from the last 24 hours.
My wife says that she is going to see her Cousin next week, who lives 10 miles away and the one I mentioned earlier and quoted "Richard, will never be David", go out for a drink and stay the night. I am sure she is, I have no way of discreetly checking but it prays on my mind.
Last night she jokingly said that our kitchen is so big that when we sell the house it could be used as a cookery school and, mmmmmm, John (from Masterchef) could come round anytime!, it just hurts me but I try and pretend to laugh.
This morning she is going out of the house and I tell her not to worry about the dogs as I am around all day, she replies, "great, I am meeting my lover for some afternnoon delight".
All good fun, good banter but it all leaves me shaking and feeling sick.
I am starting to believe it is all my problem and I do need help.

That's because it is.

Your wife has moved on from her mistake and thinks that you have as well. If you don't tell her that you haven't, she'll carry on putting her foot in it by making joking remarks like this, without realising they're hurtful to you.

paulineb_2

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

She's doing my head in. She sounds like she swans about the place wearing the pants mate. You need to make a stand, all those jokes would be harmless enough if it wasn't for the fact her history tells you that she should be careful around those kind of jokes.

It wouldn't surprise me if she isn't in the slightest bit bothered about her past actions. I blame her for that but I've got to be honest I also blame you for sitting back and taking this kind of sh*t. Be strong mate, and make a stand. I've said it three times now, but you can't go on like this. She probably told you about the affair because she didn't want it on her conscience and knew you wouldn't leave anyway because she thinks she is superior.

We are getting one side of a story here and we have no idea how the woman feels about her past actions.

paulineb_2

waccoe wrote: »

People have suggested that I have a problem for not getting over this affair and that I should seek councelling and that I may have mental health issues.
I will give you 3 examples from the last 24 hours.
My wife says that she is going to see her Cousin next week, who lives 10 miles away and the one I mentioned earlier and quoted "Richard, will never be David", go out for a drink and stay the night. I am sure she is, I have no way of discreetly checking but it prays on my mind.
Last night she jokingly said that our kitchen is so big that when we sell the house it could be used as a cookery school and, mmmmmm, John (from Masterchef) could come round anytime!, it just hurts me but I try and pretend to laugh.
This morning she is going out of the house and I tell her not to worry about the dogs as I am around all day, she replies, "great, I am meeting my lover for some afternnoon delight".
All good fun, good banter but it all leaves me shaking and feeling sick.
I am starting to believe it is all my problem and I do need help.

Why would you want to discreetly check up on someone, you either trust domeone or you dont.

Making a joke about fancying someone on Masterchef is not the crime of the century

And the comment about the lover, I wouldnt say it, but for goodness sake, you cant go on like this.

I dont think its normal to be in this state 6 years after someone told you about an affair. Whatever she has done, whatever the reasons for it and the ways she has behaved at times, you are behaving in a way that seriously is not healthy.

I really do think you need to go and speak to someone professional about this matter, whether you do it together or do it on your own.

Shaking and feeling sick because shes going to stay with a cousin and has made a joke about someone on the Tv?

Its an over the top reaction and it sounds like its ruining your life.

System

Well i still think she's rubbing his nose in it.:mad:

paulineb_2

Judi wrote: »

Well i still think she's rubbing his nose in it.:mad:

She may well be, but do you think to obsess over this for 6 years is healthy?

Like someone said earlier there are choices to make here

1 Carry on like this
2 Try and sort things out with counselling
3 Split

Torturing yourself over something isnt going to change the past, it wont change the affair, it wont change the reasons why she had the affair, its only going to ruin the future, its ruined enough of the last 6 years

He cant change what shes done, he can certainly change the way he reacts to it, for his sake. And I do personally know what its like to be in a relationship where I was cheated on. Twice. I wasnt married to them and we didnt live together but it was a long term relationship and its not an easy thing to come to terms with.

But something has to change, living like this is not positive, healthy or productive in the slightest.

waccoe_2

waccoe wrote: »

If I was to talk to a counsellor, how would I go about finding a good one related to my problem, is there an association?

Any ideas?

scooby088

waccoe wrote: »

Any ideas?

Look in the yellow pages? Look online for counselling in your area. But how on earth are you going to open up to a counsellor when you can't tell your wife how you feel?

waccoe_2

Hi Scooby
I thought that was partly why you went to a counseller when you find it hard to open up.

justme111

waccoe wrote: »

Hi Scooby
I thought that was partly why you went to a counseller when you find it hard to open up.

Exactly. Sorry can nit direct you towards "counselor league table", you can try to ask friends and family for recommendation (joke , hope made you smile )