FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

mortgagenomore wrote: »

Yes Tayforth extremely happy now, and the horrid ex is a distant memory, for years i got calls, text, threats (there were always threats throughout the relationship) anyway i never ever answered/replied calls text and not uttered one word to the cretin since the suitcase incident, they tried numerous ridiculous methods to get my response but i never gave in, their manipulation tactics no longer worked. Anyway i vowed to be single forever more and lo and behold met the love of my life when i least expected it, i look back and think it was a test for the real thing.

Anyway all the people asking why marry him when he was horrid before? why stay so long? god if these were explanable but we all do things thinking "oh he is insecure if i marry him", the OP has explained several times she doesnt know why she did but who cares the most important thing is breaking free from this man and starting a new life happy and all that keep asking there is 2 sides to every story?

And lastly yes mother always knows my ex also threatened me with calling my mother and father (elderly) to tell them things i had confided i had stupidly done in my youth but i just finally had had enough of the control sat them down and said "god knows what they will say but they are going to call you", my mum replied "oh well ill be putting the phone straight down" and my dad said he always knew they were unhinged and never liked them another weight off the shoulder no more control!

Your story has given me hope. I'm so grateful to you for sharing it. And I'm delighted that you met someone better afterwards.

That's awful that he threatened to call your elderly parents to betray your confidences, I can't believe it.

joolsybools

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks for the good wishes.

I'd be interested to know what you think if you do read the rest of the thread.




I am not using the wedding to procrastinate - at least, I hope not. I actually wish that it weren't happening so soon. Even better, that it were already over.

And yes, I'm fine financially.

And thank you xx

You'll find your way, just have a bit of faith in yourself! x

mortgagenomore_2

Tayforth that was mild the threats were awful my work were also getting a call to tell them about a relationship i had previous to our relationship with someone i shouldnt have that also worked there. I cant believe i let them manipulate me for so long i for a long time felt a fool but then i was relieved to be free, i never believe they would go so quietly with the unpacked suitcase but because his mother was ill at the time i shamefully told him to move in with her for a while to be there at her recovery, not sure if the mother wasnt ill he would leave so swiftly anyway not sure how you are going to do it but its good to have the time to work out all avenues before ending it. IE who moves out etc? funny typiing this i am remembering things i can laugh at now about he called my voicemail a year later telling me he had a secret key cut and could enter my house anytime, silly man i had it on tape i went to his mum and said i was going to police and there actually was a key.

Also years later i had friends ask me certain scenarios that my ex had told them happened and they were complete lies, i beat him, cheated etc woe is me, but to my total surprise noone actually fell for the lies at the time because i doubted myself i assumed noone would believe me at some of the more extreme stories but they actually did but hindsight is such a wonderful thing.

Anyway forward many years and a distant memory as it will be for you tayforth when you are at peace happy and with someone who can respect you and speak to you as an equal and civil, my ex would also blow up say unforgivable things (about my family for reaction) and i cant believe i stayed for a as long as i did!

Anyway you deserve to be happy wedding or otherwise call your mum tell her all start the ball rolling you will feel a great sense of relief!

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

Do you know, I've never lived alone before. I've lived at home, then in uni halls, then in shared houses, then with OH (for the last 5 years). I'm a little scared, but it could be exciting too.

Have a read of this thread.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4020057

tayforth

joolsybools wrote: »

You'll find your way, just have a bit of faith in yourself! x

Thank you xxx

mortgagenomore wrote: »

Tayforth that was mild the threats were awful my work were also getting a call to tell them about a relationship i had previous to our relationship with someone i shouldnt have that also worked there. I cant believe i let them manipulate me for so long i for a long time felt a fool but then i was relieved to be free, i never believe they would go so quietly with the unpacked suitcase but because his mother was ill at the time i shamefully told him to move in with her for a while to be there at her recovery, not sure if the mother wasnt ill he would leave so swiftly anyway not sure how you are going to do it but its good to have the time to work out all avenues before ending it. IE who moves out etc? funny typiing this i am remembering things i can laugh at now about he called my voicemail a year later telling me he had a secret key cut and could enter my house anytime, silly man i had it on tape i went to his mum and said i was going to police and there actually was a key.

Also years later i had friends ask me certain scenarios that my ex had told them happened and they were complete lies, i beat him, cheated etc woe is me, but to my total surprise noone actually fell for the lies at the time because i doubted myself i assumed noone would believe me at some of the more extreme stories but they actually did but hindsight is such a wonderful thing.

Anyway forward many years and a distant memory as it will be for you tayforth when you are at peace happy and with someone who can respect you and speak to you as an equal and civil, my ex would also blow up say unforgivable things (about my family for reaction) and i cant believe i stayed for a as long as i did!

Anyway you deserve to be happy wedding or otherwise call your mum tell her all start the ball rolling you will feel a great sense of relief!

My heart goes out to you. What an awful experience. You put up with a lot. Good for you finally leaving, though, and confronting all the nastiness and threats afterwards.

I'd call tonight, but I'd rather tell her in person.

tayforth

I've had a few PMs today, all of which have had me close to tears, thank you. But I can only send one PM every 60 minutes (newbie rule; the 'real me' joined MSE so long ago that I'd forgotten). Just wanted to let you know, if you haven't had a reply yet. I will reply as soon as I can.

tayforth

I've had another email from him. Apparently he's spoken to someone, not sure who but presumably a doctor/counsellor, who's made him see the error of his ways and made him ashamed of himself. He's (again) begging for forgiveness, saying that he finally realises what he's been doing all this time and what I've had to put up with, and that I'm not at all to blame for any of it (well f*cking DUH).

The old me would have felt sorry for him. The new me feels that I don't owe him anything. Just because he's sorry, or has had some sort of epiphany, or whatever.

I. DON'T. CARE.

Gosh, I feel so strong and powerful one minute and the next I want to cry. !!!!!! is wrong with me...

paulineb_2

You are human. Its ok still to have some feelings for someone who wasnt always that nice to you, its been 7 years of your life, its going to take time.

Ive always lived on my own. Its not scary at all, when I used to live at my mums every single noise in the middle of the night would have me jumping out of my skin and I thought, I'll never be able to have a place of my own.

Ive been here 18 years now. If you have somewhere safe to live that is all that matters.

There is no rule book on how you should feel when a relationship ends. Theres nothing wrong with you.

BitterAndTwisted

tayforth wrote: »

Gosh, I feel so strong and powerful one minute and the next I want to cry. !!!!!! is wrong with me...

There's really nothing wrong with you at all. The wanting to cry is the other side of the coin to feeling strong and powerful. I suspect the S&P isn't something you've felt for a while, is it?

You have a different life ahead of you now to the one you have had for quite a while and change can be rather frightening, especially when we don't know what to expect.

Expect his behaviour to become even more supplicating once you've made it clear that you

Just

Don't

Care.





And there's no longer any reason

Why

You

Should.



Onwards and upwards to a stress-free and happy new life! It's just out there waiting for you.

Margaret54

Hi tayforth, just been reading all your posts here and the replies. I wanted to say please do take care of yourself and I wish you every happiness for your future. You sound a lovely person. God bless you Margaretx