FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

mortgagenomore wrote: »

Tayforth you realise you will need to keep up with the diary, all the chapters ie. Tayforth goes it alone then Tayforth enjoys her freedom, Tayforth finds love again etc etc a bit like that ex model that has loads of kids and pink cars, she had a show then with a husband then on her own then next husband, (not that im comparing you to her of course) i recall one member on another thread i am on who was with someone similar to you then kicked him out had the backlash he left her in debt and couldnt be found then she met the love of her life so you see how many followers you have now that want to see you happy.

Enjoy your peace tonight just think of the simple things like reading a book in your bed without being verbally abused for leaving the light on to long!

I have followers?

If anyone does want me to keep updating this thread, then of course I will. And right now, I need to. I need the support so badly.

And I shall definitely enjoy the peace and quiet, thank you for the reminder. I'm just enjoying watching a DVD and having the place to myself.

tesuhoha wrote: »

At one point you said that you wished you had left him at 31. You don't want to be 40 saying you wished you had left him at 35. So you are doing the right thing. You go girl!

That's what's keeping me going atm. I don't want to waste another year of my life on him. And I don't want to be 40 and wishing that I'd left at 35, as you say. I'm already kicking myself for not having the balls to do this sooner.

marisco wrote: »

This happens alot in abusive relationships. It is part of someone excercising control.

But how do you lock someone in?

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you. And I'm very glad for your friend. She sounds very like me - I've given far too many chances, sadly.

I've only been in the house for an hour on my own so far, and I feel so much more relaxed.




What???




I'm sorry to hear about that. And thanks for the warnings. May I ask when you left him and how long you were together? Don't say if you don't want to. It's just that it is helping me to hear others' stories.

I don't expect to feel great immediately, and I'm sure that I'll have moments when I feel utterly awful, and it might be the smallest thing that sets me off. And I do feel compassion for him, and I might be tempted to regret ending it. But I will just picture his face, twisted and red and screaming at me from six inches away, and that will make feel that I've done the right thing.

for me there was a last straw moment, I had been considering it for some time but didn't previously have the guts. I told him in 2001 that enough was enough and I wanted him to move out. Our children were 15 and 16 at the time. I moved his stuff into the spare room as he first said he would move to his mum's then changed his mind. He set about firstly trying to change my mind, begging me to forgive him, he would mend his ways, go to counselling, yadda yadda. Heard it all before and was too little too late.

He sat our kids down (when i was at work) and they had the 'bad mummy is kicking me out' speech. He wrote suicide notes and left them where me and the kids would find them - to get me to take him back of course. What I did was to make him an appt at the Dr and got his bessie mate to take him.

another time he pretended to have taken an overdose. He staged an empty packet of paracetamol and a bottle of rum. I called his bluff though and called an ambulance. the hospital pumped out his stomach and found nothing. They rang me to say could I go to the hospital to collect him as there was nothing physically wrong - I did, but was faaaaaaaaaaaar to busy to get him for ooh, at least an hour

Um, after I'd instructed a solicitor, he was fuming and waited til I was in the shower before searching my bedroom. He found a draft letter to my solicitor and photocopied it (I found the copy in his home office)

He also picked up my phone and tried to access it I heard my phone beep when I was in the bathroom and just caught him coming out of my room. He denied touching my phone but he had blocked my sim by putting the PIN code in incorrectly 3 times so I know it was him ( I work for a huge mobile phone company so know what's what)

The list goes on. Yours might not do anything like this and I hope he doesn't, but they tend not to take it too well when you end things.

Looking back now, it was the best thing ever.

mortgagenomore_2

Oh spirit your ex and mine would get on well but that is so so true they can turn funny and yes i had all that i remember strategically placing my handbag a certain way when i was getting suspicious of him snooping and then checked and found he had been through my bag, but god they can be so thick ie. pin 3 times when he knows you work for a mobile company. The sad thing is they are all pathetic angry then woe is me take me back ill change but all to little too late.

Good to look back and see how grateful later to meet someone "normal" i actually had lost faith and assumed all new partners would be aggressive, verbally abusive, but thankfully i have been proven wrong.

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

for me there was a last straw moment, I had been considering it for some time but didn't previously have the guts. I told him in 2001 that enough was enough and I wanted him to move out. Our children were 15 and 16 at the time. I moved his stuff into the spare room as he first said he would move to his mum's then changed his mind. He set about firstly trying to change my mind, begging me to forgive him, he would mend his ways, go to counselling, yadda yadda. Heard it all before and was too little too late.

He sat our kids down (when i was at work) and they had the 'bad mummy is kicking me out' speech. He wrote suicide notes and left them where me and the kids would find them - to get me to take him back of course. What I did was to make him an appt at the Dr and got his bessie mate to take him.

another time he pretended to have taken an overdose. He staged an empty packet of paracetamol and a bottle of rum. I called his bluff though and called an ambulance. the hospital pumped out his stomach and found nothing. They rang me to say could I go to the hospital to collect him as there was nothing physically wrong - I did, but was faaaaaaaaaaaar to busy to get him for ooh, at least an hour

Um, after I'd instructed a solicitor, he was fuming and waited til I was in the shower before searching my bedroom. He found a draft letter to my solicitor and photocopied it (I found the copy in his home office)

He also picked up my phone and tried to access it I heard my phone beep when I was in the bathroom and just caught him coming out of my room. He denied touching my phone but he had blocked my sim by putting the PIN code in incorrectly 3 times so I know it was him ( I work for a huge mobile phone company so know what's what)

The list goes on. Yours might not do anything like this and I hope he doesn't, but they tend not to take it too well when you end things.

Looking back now, it was the best thing ever.

Oh my goodness. The suicide note, what he said to your kids, the pretend overdose - how pathetic and selfish.

And, again, I'm glad that you feel that you did the right thing.

mortgagenomore wrote: »

Oh spirit your ex and mine would get on well but that is so so true they can turn funny and yes i had all that i remember strategically placing my handbag a certain way when i was getting suspicious of him snooping and then checked and found he had been through my bag, but god they can be so thick ie. pin 3 times when he knows you work for a mobile company. The sad thing is they are all pathetic angry then woe is me take me back ill change but all to little too late.

Good to look back and see how grateful later to meet someone "normal" i actually had lost faith and assumed all new partners would be aggressive, verbally abusive, but thankfully i have been proven wrong.

I've led a sheltered life, but I've never had a boyfriend treat me disrespectfully before. Perhaps that's why I couldn't recognise that it was so serious. Maybe I'll meet someone else sometime - but if I do, I'll be wiser than I was. That makes me both relieved and sad.

tayforth

I'm still so worried about what to do about the wedding. It's all I can think about.

Peanut2013

Tayforth, sod the wedding. Honestly.

My dads retirement do was just as we were splitting up and we put on a brave face and went. However we were both in terrible moods and just hid away all night.

My dad says now it was that night they knew something was up and to be honest he wishes I'd just said something before so I could have gone alone and enjoyed myself. But I thought I was doing what was right for my dad, that he wanted to see me happy in my marriage.

Turns out he knew I wasn't happy and would rather I came alone.

Honestly you'll be fine and you'll have a great time!

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

I'm still so worried about what to do about the wedding. It's all I can think about.

You'll go without him, of course. You'll spend the day with your family who actually love you. You'll eat, drink, dance and have a good time.

Don't even think about staying with him for the sake of the wedding, nobody except him would actually want you to do that.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

tayforth wrote: »

I'm still so worried about what to do about the wedding. It's all I can think about.

Stop worrying for a start. The world will not end. You will wake up the next day and kick yourself for wasting so much time over this.

Put it this way, if one of your relatives turned up at a wedding having just spilt up with their husband would you all be gossiping or give them a hug and get on with the show?

Odette

TBH if you are planning on ending the relationship then you should end it, today or when he gets back. What is the point now you have made up your mind?
Don't worry about the wedding. People will find out that you are not together anyway but speak to your sibling and let them know whats going on. Hopefully they will understand that this dilemma is stressing you out and be understanding.

Perryl_2

Peanut2013 wrote: »

Tayforth, sod the wedding. Honestly.

My dads retirement do was just as we were splitting up and we put on a brave face and went. However we were both in terrible moods and just hid away all night.

My dad says now it was that night they knew something was up and to be honest he wishes I'd just said something before so I could have gone alone and enjoyed myself. But I thought I was doing what was right for my dad, that he wanted to see me happy in my marriage.

Turns out he knew I wasn't happy and would rather I came alone.

Honestly you'll be fine and you'll have a great time!

I think Peanut has a great point. I think, even if its a case of gossip, you would enjoy the day much more without him there. I think your family would also be happier knowing you weren't stressing the whole day. Speak to your family truthfully if you want to. But I do think if you are sure you want out, and you don't want him there, then stand firm and make that happen. People will forget the gossip because it is someone's special day.