FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

You are human. Its ok still to have some feelings for someone who wasnt always that nice to you, its been 7 years of your life, its going to take time.

Ive always lived on my own. Its not scary at all, when I used to live at my mums every single noise in the middle of the night would have me jumping out of my skin and I thought, I'll never be able to have a place of my own.

Ive been here 18 years now. If you have somewhere safe to live that is all that matters.

There is no rule book on how you should feel when a relationship ends. Theres nothing wrong with you.

Thanks for the reassurance. I'm going to have a good long read of the 'best things about living alone' thread.

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

There's really nothing wrong with you at all. The wanting to cry is the other side of the coin to feeling strong and powerful. I suspect the S&P isn't something you've felt for a while, is it?

You have a different life ahead of you now to the one you have had for quite a while and change can be rather frightening, especially when we don't know what to expect.

Expect his behaviour to become even more supplicating once you've made it clear that you

Just

Don't

Care.





And there's no longer any reason

Why

You

Should.



Onwards and upwards to a stress-free and happy new life! It's just out there waiting for you.

You're right. There is no reason why I should. I just want to be done with it all now. Of course I feel sad, but that's natural.

And no, I haven't felt strong or powerful in ages. I think that my self-esteem has been affected by it all. I feel pretty scared, but also hopeful.

Margaret54 wrote: »

Hi tayforth, just been reading all your posts here and the replies. I wanted to say please do take care of yourself and I wish you every happiness for your future. You sound a lovely person. God bless you Margaretx

Thanks you very much, Margaret, I really appreciate you saying such nice things.


I'm amazed at the kindness of everyone who has taken the time to post here, whether it be criticism, playing devil's advocate, pep talks, support, hugs - it's very moving.

tayforth

OK. Practicalities:

He hasn't got that much stuff, so he can move out more easily. And I think that he will, tbh. If he doesn't, I will.

We rent jointly, I can afford the rent on my own.

We've bought a few bits together (bed, PC etc), I'm sure that we can sort these out fairly simply.

We have no joint finances and no debts.

The only major asset that we own together is a car. It's not worth much, I'm debating what to do about it. I don't need it for work, neither does he. But it could be handy for visiting friends and doing stuff. But then he could buy me out of it and I could get a smaller car. Which is what I'd prefer anyway.

The TV/phone/BB bill is in his name.

We've booked a couple of hols for later in the year - I don't care about losing the money tbh. If anyone wants to go with him, I'll sell them my ticket for half what I paid.


What else?


And how do people manage when they've got children, a mortgage, joint savings and debts, life assurance etc???

RAS

You will need to get him off the CT Bill and apply for a single person's discount.

Let the EA know he has left. Are you in a fixed term contract or is it now periodic?

tayforth

RAS wrote: »

You will need to get him off the CT Bill and apply for a single person's discount.

Let the EA know he has left. Are you in a fixed term contract or is it now periodic?

Right. Thanks for that.

Thankfully, we rent directly from the LL and he's happy for us to stay as long as we want, no fixed term.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Tay - if I may call you that.

At some point he will realise that you aren't playing the game of going back to him and forgiving him - and he may well get angrier than he ever was.

Whether he moves out or not - I'd make sure all my private and confidential personal papers were either locked up somewhere safe or with a friend in case I needed to get hold of them after being locked out the house.

And yes, I've also been there done that.

And stash a few hundred £ somewhere safe just in case.

tayforth

You think that he'd lock me out?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

tayforth wrote: »

You think that he'd lock me out?

Who knows...sometimes they do. Better prepared [and if they don't want to leave and you have to go at least you can just worry about yourself and not things like passport birth cert etc that they can hold to ransom].

People who get angry when they don't get what they want can be very unpredictable.

BitterAndTwisted

He's an unpredictable person with anger-management issues. Once he comes to realise that you want the relationship to be over and for him to move out, he may not take it particularly well. Most especially since he's had this alleged "epiphany" after his brief consultation, so he may well believe that it's fixable and will all be fine and dandy.

Best take what sensible precautions you can. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

tayforth

I will. I can't believe that he would do anything like that, but I'll do what I can this evening.

He's just texted to say that he's away. I can leave work now.

tayforth

By the way, thank you for the advice xxx