FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

JanCee

tayforth - I have followed this thread from the first post. I haven't offered advice as I have never been in your situation but I would like to wish you all the luck in the world for the future.

You sound mature and level headed and once you get this situation sorted I am sure happiness will come your way.

tayforth

Thanks, JanCee. I am really touched by your kind wishes xx

marisco_2

tayforth wrote: »

And how do people manage when they've got children, a mortgage, joint savings and debts, life assurance etc???

They use a solicitor

Perryl_2

Hi Tayforth, I've been following your thread and haven't yet posted. A friend of mine has been going through a slightly similar situation this week, with a man who has been in and out of her life for 5 years and has never treated her right and played games with her. She was torn between anger at him, tears at his treatment, wanting nothing to do with him and then just wanting to give him one more chance because he was trying to show a nice side and how he has changed (and he hasn't changed at all).This week she finally stood up for herself, stood her ground, truly said no to him. She now feels stronger than she ever felt, and happier than she has been. She wasn't sure what to do last week, but now she has done it, she knows it was right because she is happy.

Tayforth, it is clear you have much of the same strength inside you. Keep looking after yourself, stay firm with what you want. I am sure he will probably continue to try every tactic he can think of to keep things going the way he wants. As long as you continue to believe in yourself, as long as you remember what it is you want and need, I know you can come out of this fine and happier than you have felt in a long time. The people that really love and care about you will support you however you proceed from here, they will only want your happiness and safety.

Take care of yourself and stay safe.

thehappybutterfly

tayforth wrote: »

You think that he'd lock me out?

My ex was guilty of locking me IN.......

spirit

The fear of the unknown (living alone for instance) is often worse than the reality.

I too was a gibbering wreck who found it difficult to say boo to a goose, such was his controlling ways and emotional blackmail. They will try any trick in the book to get and keep you where they want you.

He may think you have someone else and start snooping through your personal things - paperwork, mobile phone, laptop etc. Like the other poster said, prepare for the worst and if it doesn't happen then great. Forewarned is forearmed and all that malarkey.

Once he's gone you should feel as if a great weight has been lifted. Everything you do after that will help to rebuild your confidence. What I mean by that is things which you may not have done alone and can now do.

I understand your dilemma re the wedding. I went with my soon to be ex to a friend's wedding and it was bl00dy awful for me. I just saw this happy couple starting their new lives and there was I about to end that chapter for me. In hindsight, I wouldn't have gone to the wedding with him but since our son was a page boy, it was very difficult not to.

tayforth

Perryl wrote: »

Hi Tayforth, I've been following your thread and haven't yet posted. A friend of mine has been going through a slightly similar situation this week, with a man who has been in and out of her life for 5 years and has never treated her right and played games with her. She was torn between anger at him, tears at his treatment, wanting nothing to do with him and then just wanting to give him one more chance because he was trying to show a nice side and how he has changed (and he hasn't changed at all).This week she finally stood up for herself, stood her ground, truly said no to him. She now feels stronger than she ever felt, and happier than she has been. She wasn't sure what to do last week, but now she has done it, she knows it was right because she is happy.

Tayforth, it is clear you have much of the same strength inside you. Keep looking after yourself, stay firm with what you want. I am sure he will probably continue to try every tactic he can think of to keep things going the way he wants. As long as you continue to believe in yourself, as long as you remember what it is you want and need, I know you can come out of this fine and happier than you have felt in a long time. The people that really love and care about you will support you however you proceed from here, they will only want your happiness and safety.

Take care of yourself and stay safe.

Thank you. And I'm very glad for your friend. She sounds very like me - I've given far too many chances, sadly.

I've only been in the house for an hour on my own so far, and I feel so much more relaxed.

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

My ex was guilty of locking me IN.......

What???

spirit wrote: »

The fear of the unknown (living alone for instance) is often worse than the reality.

I too was a gibbering wreck who found it difficult to say boo to a goose, such was his controlling ways and emotional blackmail. They will try any trick in the book to get and keep you where they want you.

He may think you have someone else and start snooping through your personal things - paperwork, mobile phone, laptop etc. Like the other poster said, prepare for the worst and if it doesn't happen then great. Forewarned is forearmed and all that malarkey.

Once he's gone you should feel as if a great weight has been lifted. Everything you do after that will help to rebuild your confidence. What I mean by that is things which you may not have done alone and can now do.

I understand your dilemma re the wedding. I went with my soon to be ex to a friend's wedding and it was bl00dy awful for me. I just saw this happy couple starting their new lives and there was I about to end that chapter for me. In hindsight, I wouldn't have gone to the wedding with him but since our son was a page boy, it was very difficult not to.

I'm sorry to hear about that. And thanks for the warnings. May I ask when you left him and how long you were together? Don't say if you don't want to. It's just that it is helping me to hear others' stories.

I don't expect to feel great immediately, and I'm sure that I'll have moments when I feel utterly awful, and it might be the smallest thing that sets me off. And I do feel compassion for him, and I might be tempted to regret ending it. But I will just picture his face, twisted and red and screaming at me from six inches away, and that will make feel that I've done the right thing.

mortgagenomore_2

Tayforth you realise you will need to keep up with the diary, all the chapters ie. Tayforth goes it alone then Tayforth enjoys her freedom, Tayforth finds love again etc etc a bit like that ex model that has loads of kids and pink cars, she had a show then with a husband then on her own then next husband, (not that im comparing you to her of course) i recall one member on another thread i am on who was with someone similar to you then kicked him out had the backlash he left her in debt and couldnt be found then she met the love of her life so you see how many followers you have now that want to see you happy.

Enjoy your peace tonight just think of the simple things like reading a book in your bed without being verbally abused for leaving the light on to long!

tesuhoha

At one point you said that you wished you had left him at 31. You don't want to be 40 saying you wished you had left him at 35. So you are doing the right thing. You go girl!

marisco_2

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

My ex was guilty of locking me IN.......

This happens alot in abusive relationships. It is part of someone excercising control.