FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

marisco_2

Go and have a really good cry. Tears are not a sign of weakness, they are an indication that you have been way to strong for far too long. Let out all that pent up stress, anxiousness and despair. You will feel 100% better for it if you do.

Is there anyone you can confide in at work? Someone who you can talk to and gain support from. If you have an understanding manager they may give you some compassionate leave to sort things out and get back on your feet.

Everyone needs some space and time and to put themselves first once in a while. Good people will want to do all they can for you.

Gloomendoom

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks.

I don't feel brave. I don't want to be at work. I can't concentrate.

And I suppose that that's a good point about the wedding.

Keep your chin up. I was once in a similar situation to you, except that it only took me six weeks from the wedding to realise that I had made a really big mistake.

The best advice that I can give is to get moving, act on your instincts. If you are going to split, do it as quickly as possible. It is better for everybody that way.

I prevaricated and procrastinated for too long. Far too long.

moneycurious

Just had to pop in and say hi. i have read from start to finish. I feel that you are going through what i am. with what you have put i am there now. and like you i have family functions coming up. i have said that i will get through them ( its only one more week) and during this time get all the stuff i need togetrher, silly things like kettle, toaster etc. its soooooo hard. i lie in bed thinking. but my OH is so nasty i dread to think what he will do when i say its over. he taunts me with comments .
good luck , and i know exactly what you are facing - and perhaps why you feel you need to do certain things atm. xxx

thehappybutterfly

tayforth wrote: »

You think that he'd lock me out?

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

My ex was guilty of locking me IN.......

tayforth wrote: »

What???

Yep. He'd lock me in with our baby son while he went out and got !!!!ed. Or the frequent times I tried to leave, he'd grab the baby and stand in front of the door and not let me past. Nice guy!

In fact, I was once locked in without any electricity and couldn't make up a bottle for the baby. That was a particularly horrible period - it still took a year or so to leave him for good. And I had to wait until he was out on a golfing day before doing a secret flit because there was no way I would have been 'allowed' to leave.

tayforth

marisco wrote: »

Go and have a really good cry. Tears are not a sign of weakness, they are an indication that you have been way to strong for far too long. Let out all that pent up stress, anxiousness and despair. You will feel 100% better for it if you do.

Is there anyone you can confide in at work? Someone who you can talk to and gain support from. If you have an understanding manager they may give you some compassionate leave to sort things out and get back on your feet.

Everyone needs some space and time and to put themselves first once in a while. Good people will want to do all they can for you.

My manager is lovely, and I'm sure that he would be very understanding. Maybe once I've actually done it and OH is gone, I'll speak to him. I don't even know yet how I'll feel when that happens.

Not sure about compassionate leave; I could ask. I was off sick for 2 weeks a while back and will get a warning if I'm sick again before November. Hadn't been ill in ages - bad timing eh.

I have also come out in spots and have developed a v. painful mouth ulcer. I'm probably run down. I forgot to eat breakfast altogether today.

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Keep your chin up. I was once in a similar situation to you, except that it only took me six weeks from the wedding to realise that I had made a really big mistake.

The best advice that I can give is to get moving, act on your instincts. If you are going to split, do it as quickly as possible. It is better for everybody that way.

I prevaricated and procrastinated for too long. Far too long.

Thanks. Can I ask what finally triggered it for you?

moneycurious wrote: »

Just had to pop in and say hi. i have read from start to finish. I feel that you are going through what i am. with what you have put i am there now. and like you i have family functions coming up. i have said that i will get through them ( its only one more week) and during this time get all the stuff i need togetrher, silly things like kettle, toaster etc. its soooooo hard. i lie in bed thinking. but my OH is so nasty i dread to think what he will do when i say its over. he taunts me with comments .
good luck , and i know exactly what you are facing - and perhaps why you feel you need to do certain things atm. xxx

Hugs to you. When will these functions be over, and are you sure that you can go to them with your OH? Does he know that you're unhappy? Will you have to move?

thehappybutterfly

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks, all of you.

It's just that lots of the same people will be there, and they'll all be wondering where he is if I haven't had the chance to forewarn them, and - oh God.

Tell them you killed him. That'll shut them up!

Mojisola

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Yep. He'd lock me in with our baby son while he went out and got !!!!ed. Or the frequent times I tried to leave, he'd grab the baby and stand in front of the door and not let me past. Nice guy!

In fact, I was once locked in without any electricity and couldn't make up a bottle for the baby. That was a particularly horrible period - it still took a year or so to leave him for good. And I had to wait until he was out on a golfing day before doing a secret flit because there was no way I would have been 'allowed' to leave.

That's dreadful!

I know someone whose husband used to lock things away in a room she didn't have a key to which meant she couldn't do lots of things when he was out. He also had lots of "rules", eg. if there was a single toy lying on the floor when he came home from work, he would immediately walk out, have a meal out, go down the pub and not come home til late.

She never did get the courage to leave him but died young from cancer and he spend years telling everyone how hard it was for him because his only love had died and he didn't know how to go on without her.

tayforth

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Yep. He'd lock me in with our baby son while he went out and got !!!!ed. Or the frequent times I tried to leave, he'd grab the baby and stand in front of the door and not let me past. Nice guy!

In fact, I was once locked in without any electricity and couldn't make up a bottle for the baby. That was a particularly horrible period - it still took a year or so to leave him for good. And I had to wait until he was out on a golfing day before doing a secret flit because there was no way I would have been 'allowed' to leave.

Oh my God! What if there had been a fire???? :eek: How could anyone do that?

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Tell them you killed him. That'll shut them up!

That actually made me laugh out loud, so thank you

Mojisola wrote: »

That's dreadful!

I know someone whose husband used to lock things away in a room she didn't have a key to which meant she couldn't do lots of things when he was out. He also had lots of "rules", eg. if there was a single toy lying on the floor when he came home from work, he would immediately walk out, have a meal out, go down the pub and not come home til late.

She never did get the courage to leave him but died young from cancer and he spend years telling everyone how hard it was for him because his only love had died and he didn't know how to go on without her.

I'm sure that you wanted to punch him in the face when he said that. I would have (wanted to, that is). How tragic.

elljay20

resentment is the most destructive feeling on earth and i sounds like you have a lot. i'm not saying wrongly or rightly. my advice is to get out. i didn't and it nearly destroyed me. splitting with my oh was the best thing that ever happened to me, even if i didn't think it at the time. being on your own isn't easy, and it isn't a bed of roses. but i don't feel all churned up inside anymore.

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

Maybe once I've actually done it and OH is gone, I'll speak to him.

When is that going to happen OP?

Its great that you're feeling so resolute and have made up your mind, you do need to get it done though. I know its hard but think of it like ripping off a plaster. What are you waiting for?