Should I tell her to back off?

Mojisola

nodiscount wrote: »

I didn't lie about it. Not one bit.

Did you tell your husband that you were going out to meet up with the other man?

victory

nodiscount wrote: »

I didn't lie about it. Not one bit.

Did you tell him or did he find out?

victory

nodiscount wrote: »

I am managing it myself but in winter it's hard. In summer its easy as I used walks, gardening, parks, picnics etc to get out of the house and distract myself.

True, winter is rubbish for weather but you can still go out for a short walk, maybe keep inside by joining a yoga class or any other club that gets you out and meeting people....

nodiscount

Mojisola wrote: »

Did you tell your husband that you were going out to meet up with the other man?

Yes. He knew. When I ask him now why he didn't say anything to stop me he says "I didn't want to upset you".

Mojisola

nodiscount wrote: »

Yes. He knew. When I ask him now why he didn't say anything to stop me he says "I didn't want to upset you".

To me, that suggests the problems in the relationship go back a long way. That isn't a normal reaction to a spouse's behaviour.

victory

Mojisola wrote: »

To me, that suggests the problems in the relationship go back a long way. That isn't a normal reaction to a spouse's behaviour.

I agree, surely one would be so hurt, unhappy, desperate not just say 'I didn't want to upset you?'

YOU -what about how he would have been feeling, did you ever ask him, get to the bottom of it? I know you say he is a quiet man but surely he would have had some reaction to it?

nodiscount

victory wrote: »

True, winter is rubbish for weather but you can still go out for a short walk, maybe keep inside by joining a yoga class or any other club that gets you out and meeting people....

This is the thing. I'm an introvert and find it hard to trust strangers.
I also feel drained by small talk so don't like meeting new people. I think this is a symptom of the depression and you could argue its a cause and not an effect. The friends I had are probably annoyed with me because I ignore their calls; they always want to socialise and don't understand why I don't want to. I got sick of saying 'no not tonight, I'm: tired, spending time with DH, spending time with family, not in the mood, etc.'
I'm not a very 'social' person and I find other people really don't seem to understand this.

dizzyg_2

nodiscount wrote: »

I am managing it myself but in winter it's hard. In summer its easy as I used walks, gardening, parks, picnics etc to get out of the house and distract myself.

As someone who 'managed' their own depression for 15 years or more can I suggest that maybe you need more help than you realise.

Locking yourself away with your ipad is a pure escape, you don't have to deal with anything that is happening in your own life. If your own life was happy you wouldn't have such a need to escape it.

My GP made things clear for me only a few months ago (yes it took that long for me to ask for help) by saying we are meant to be happy. Don't know why it struck a chord with me but my point is I wish I hadn't tried to manage my depression alone for so long with just diet, exercise, positive reading etc and it is only looking back I realise just how bloody miserable I was.

nodiscount

Mojisola wrote: »

To me, that suggests the problems in the relationship go back a long way. That isn't a normal reaction to a spouse's behaviour.

I think he thought any reaction would push me further away into the arms of the other man hence he didn't want to rock the boat further.
I feel really bad about this and he knows this.

nodiscount

dizzyg wrote: »

As someone who 'managed' their own depression for 15 years or more can I suggest that maybe you need more help than you realise.

Locking yourself away with your ipad is a pure escape, you don't have to deal with anything that is happening in your own life. If your own life was happy you wouldn't have such a need to escape it.

My GP made things clear for me only a few months ago (yes it took that long for me to ask for help) by saying we are meant to be happy. Don't know why it struck a chord with me but my point is I wish I hadn't tried to manage my depression alone for so long with just diet, exercise, positive reading etc and it is only looking back I realise just how bloody miserable I was.

So what are you doing to manage it now? Hope you don't mind me asking?

The thing is, I feel I am managing it. Just the other night I was falling asleep with a smile on my face thinking 'I'm so happy and so lucky to be blessed with so much' (ignorance was bliss as I didn't know about this). In the depths of depression these thoughts are rare or even non-existent so I feel as though I am managing it.