Should I tell her to back off?

dizzyg_2

flutterby_lil wrote: »

He is probably in the other room bored whilst his wife plays on the iPad.

Doesn't make it right but i can't help but feel you have pushed him into the situation through lack of attention to him.

Sorry, but he is a grown man. If he has a problem with how things are he should be talking to his wife about it, not another women.

victory

nodiscount wrote: »

I need the time to recharge...I have depression.

So, if you have depression then I would presume rightly or wrongly, very happy for you to put me straight that you are somewhat distant and non approachable to you OH needs, to chats, to interaction and therefore he feels pushed away/lonely/rejected and has been flattered by the attention of another person who takes the time and trouble to listen to him, value him?

lostinrates

nodiscount wrote: »

This is what I worry about. As humans we all have our weak points. If this woman is persistent then I do need to tell her to back off.

How many people have been in a situation where a persistent colleague has tried to get close and they were told to back off. It's not that easy.

In this situation a weak point for you seems to be understanding with whom you have 'right' to discuss and seek resolve with.

It's very difficult, in truth, to deal with such a situation at work, but it's not uncommon and the responsibility is down to your husband to resolve the work issue ( and in fact if he explains there has been some keen ness he is keen to distance himself from they might fall over themselves to help rather than face a situation of tacking inappropriate conduct). Then it's down to the two of you to move forward in a way to help you both.

Holing up with your iPad is not likely to help the depression too much. Can you replace say half of that time with a walk together, for some exercise (that might) but importantly, time together? Or otherwise an activity you can share. Dh and I love a bath as talking time to unwind.

victory

nodiscount wrote: »

This is what I worry about. As humans we all have our weak points. If this woman is persistent then I do need to tell her to back off.

How many people have been in a situation where a persistent colleague has tried to get close and they were told to back off. It's not that easy.

'I am very flattered by your attention but I am happily married, I love and respect my wife/husband and would not want to hurt them/loose them, cause them any pain so please could you stop texting/emailing/following me around thank you.'

THat should make it clear.

Edwardia

nodiscount wrote: »

Nothing happened but I hurt my husband a lot by ringing this guy and spending time with him (comeuppance?).

Pot. Kettle. You did it to him and spent time with a colleague who was in love with you and when he texts a woman he works with you start rummaging in his phone.

If you were growing plants, you wouldn't leave them to wither away, they need food and water.

So you have a husband you hurt, and now you don't spend time with him, indulging your iPad addiction with the excuse that you're depressed. You won't go out with him, it's understandable that he will look for attention elsewhere, frankly.

You need to prove to him that you are making an effort to deal with the depression and the iPad addiction. Go out and spend time with him, appreciate the man you supposely love.

victory

Would you have been told if you had not found out? I suppose no but edwardia is right, you can't let it wither, it has to be attended to.

nodiscount

Edwardia wrote: »

Pot. Kettle. You did it to him and spent time with a colleague who was in love with you and when he texts a woman he works with you start rummaging in his phone.

If you were growing plants, you wouldn't leave them to wither away, they need food and water.

So you have a husband you hurt, and now you don't spend time with him, indulging your iPad addiction with the excuse that you're depressed. You won't go out with him, it's understandable that he will look for attention elsewhere, frankly.

You need to prove to him that you are making an effort to deal with the depression and the iPad addiction. Go out and spend time with him, appreciate the man you supposely love.

Ouch. That's harsh. Who says I wasn't dealing with the ipad addiction? As soon as he told me I made a decision to resolve it.
Depression? an excuse? I wish.

nodiscount

flutterby_lil wrote: »

He trusted you again!!

I didn't lie about it. Not one bit.

nodiscount

dizzyg wrote: »

Is your depression being managed?

I am managing it myself but in winter it's hard. In summer its easy as I used walks, gardening, parks, picnics etc to get out of the house and distract myself.

victory

nodiscount wrote: »

Ouch. That's harsh. Who says I wasn't dealing with the ipad addiction? As soon as he told me I made a decision to resolve it.
Depression? an excuse? I wish.

By your own admission you say you have an ipad addiction.

You continued it until your OH 'found someone else to chat to'.

Depression? On medication? How long for? When did it start, due to what? Is it easing? Are you trying to help yourself by taking walks, getting some exercise,eating healthy and properly, trying to interact, keeping lines of communication open?