Should I tell her to back off?

dizzyg_2

nodiscount wrote: »

So what are you doing to manage it now? Hope you don't mind me asking?

The thing is, I feel I am managing it. Just the other night I was falling asleep with a smile on my face thinking 'I'm so happy and so lucky to be blessed with so much' (ignorance was bliss as I didn't know about this). In the depths of depression these thoughts are rare or even non-existent so I feel as though I am managing it.

I could have written this just a few months ago. After speaking honestly with my GP and keeping a mood diary I finally succumbed to trying anti-depressants. Was always very much against the idea of medicating and thought that the 'good days' were good enough for me.

It was my GP who made me realise I deserved more than just an occasional good day.

nodiscount

dizzyg wrote: »

I could have written this just a few months ago. After speaking honestly with my GP and keeping a mood diary I finally succumbed to trying anti-depressants. Was always very much against the idea of medicating and thought that the 'good days' were good enough for me.

It was my GP who made me realise I deserved more than just an occasional good day.

I really am against medication. I have to find my own happiness. Medication is a temporary stop gap. Not the cure which is to understand why I feel like this; what I am mourning for?

dizzyg_2

nodiscount wrote: »

I really am against medication. I have to find my own happiness. Medication is a temporary stop gap. Not the cure which is to understand why I feel like this; what I am mourning for?

So was I. It's not for everyone and it was only when I started reading about medication and the science behind it that I agreed to try it, have to say I am very glad I did. I don't believe it is a temporary stopgap and it has cleared my mind to deal with my issues logically for the first time in years.

But everybody is different. Have you tried counselling?

heartbreak_star

nodiscount wrote: »

I really am against medication. I have to find my own happiness. Medication is a temporary stop gap. Not the cure which is to understand why I feel like this; what I am mourning for?

Rubbish. Medication puts you back on an even keel. Antidepressants are far too stigmatised.

I had knee pain - I took ibuprofen. I had migraine - I took Migraleve. I have hypothyroidism - I take levothyroxine. And when I had depression...I took a course of antidepressants. Mental issues can be medicated just as physical ones can.

They're not a cure, or an elastoplast. They enable you to function properly, so that you can understand your feelings from a more even perspective, therefore aiding you in your happiness quest.

HBS x

nodiscount

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Rubbish. Medication puts you back on an even keel. Antidepressants are far too stigmatised.

I had knee pain - I took ibuprofen. I had migraine - I took Migraleve. I have hypothyroidism - I take levothyroxine. And when I had depression...I took a course of antidepressants. Mental issues can be medicated just as physical ones can.

They're not a cure, or an elastoplast. They enable you to function properly, so that you can understand your feelings from a more even perspective, therefore aiding you in your happiness quest.

HBS x

Thanks for the suggestions about this but I hope this doesn't turn into a thread about my depression. I think the girl at work is a more pressing issue at the moment!

dizzyg_2

nodiscount wrote: »

Thanks for the suggestions about this but I hope this doesn't turn into a thread about my depression. I think the girl at work is a more pressing issue at the moment!

Your relationship with your husband is the pressing issue. You need to ignore this girl, unless you think there has been more to it than texting, and look closer to home for a solution.

Joons

nodiscount: I'm sure you and OH can sort this out, regardless of what he's done, he sounds like a very nice person.

heartbreak_star

Agree with Joons - you sound like you are both lovely but need to communicate more with each other.

Could you play some games with him to relax and unwind rather than alone on your iPad? Me and OH like bashing the PS3 together sometimes

HBS x

balletshoes

nodiscount wrote: »

This is what I worry about. As humans we all have our weak points. If this woman is persistent then I do need to tell her to back off.

How many people have been in a situation where a persistent colleague has tried to get close and they were told to back off. It's not that easy.

if this woman is persistent, somehow I don't think you telling her to back off is going to make the slightest difference to her persistence, if anything it might make her step up a gear, you know, you coming out in direct competition to her.

Edwardia

nodiscount wrote: »

I think the girl at work is a more pressing issue at the moment!

I disagree, sorry.

Firstly, purely going by what you have posted, you were spending time with a colleague who was in love with you. You say your husband told you that he didn't say anything at the time, because he didn't want to upset you.

To me, that indicates that he's very much aware of your depression and felt if he upset you, not only was he risking you becoming more unstable, he might risk pushing you into the other man's arms. You told him that you were spending time with this guy and that hurt him.

Present day, there you not wanting to go out, spending hours on your iPad. How is that showing you love him and want to spend time with him ? For all he knows, you're messaging with the guy again. Is he rummaging in your iPad ?

Maybe he's telling the truth and this woman has problems and he wants to help. Maybe she feels more for him than he does for her, just like the colleague of yours.

Your husband didn't tell you, but how would you have felt if he had done exactly what you did - told you to your face that he was spending time with someone else ?

You say that nothing happened with your colleague and expect him and us to believe that. Yet when he texts with a woman, you go rummaging in his phone, so it's obvious you don't believe him. Why ? Because you're judging him by your past standards of behaviour ?

You may think me harsh but as you're dealing or rather not dealing with your depression, you have to realise that YOU are the one pushing him away yet again and that's the root cause you need to deal with.

So yes, I do feel dealing with the depression would put you on a more even keel and look at this situation with a calmer frame of mind.

You have no proof that your husband has done anything wrong and if you don't trust him why are you in the relationship ? You haven't told us that your husband rummaged around in your phone back then or that he has looked in your iPad. So it seems pretty obvious that he trusts you and bends over backwards not to upset you, because you're depressed. But you are IMO pushing him away yet again and you need to do the work if you want him to stay.