frustrated!!

sweetsheep84

KxMx wrote: »

It's hard I am going to be honest with you. But with time you find yourself reasonably content with shutting your eyes to it and having a good old mutter about the other person. And think back to when you did everything/got taken advantage of and just how that made you feel. Helps keep you strong!

:cool:

Lol ok. Sounds like a plan. That is gonna b fun. Thanks

bargainbetty

As a practical suggestion, ask your OH to request a spare set of uniform from his employer. It is not unreasonable to have at least two sets (I used to work at Homebase and we got four). This will remove the need to wash every day. If he could get three pairs of trousers and four shirts/tops, you'd have a lot more leeway.

Each night, while dinner is cooking, make sandwiches for the lunches. Well wrapped, they will be fine overnight. Add other bits to make a packed lunch. If OH objects to this, tell him to get up and do it himself. He can also make breakfast. (see washing up bit below)

Obtain/find a bag or rucksack (cheapy charity shop one will do) for OH. Present to him one evening, with the words 'Here, put your satnav, work bits etc in here to save you running about in the morning. In morning, add your lunch from the fridge. Repeat this daily'. If OH complains, point out that you are mum to DS. Not him. He is grown up and needs to look after himself. Stay in bed.

Politely explain that the next time he leaves dirty plates anywhere other than the kitchen sink, you'll serve him his dinner on them unwashed. SAHM, yes. Wife, yes. Slave? No. He can drag his lazy backside to the sink and put them in there. Leave a washing up bowl with soapy (if cold) water in there, and stuff can soak. He is behaving disrespectfully.

I think this comes down to you telling him that you appreciate he works, but you are not his carer. He can do some basic things, including wiping the bathroom up if he pees randomly. Putting his plates in the kitchen, cleaning up after himself and packing his own work bag are basic things.

You have to think about the example you are setting your son. He needs to know that housework is not a woman's 'job'.

Tell him you are going out Saturday morning. Tell him that he will need to breakfast with your son, and you'd appreciate him making sure that the dirty stuff is in the sink (or washed) when you get back. Smile sweetly and say you'll make a lovely dinner in the evening, being all full of energy from your few hours off.

Best of luck

kate1961

oh dear i thought i was looking at my life then i have 4 grown up sons and got up to do there packed lunches even when they started work my EX husband on the other hand was a lazy man yes he worked but like you at weekends it was his time he went fishing and for 32 years every weekend i got up to do flasks sandwiches for the fishing trip he didnt see what i did ie housework shopping cooking cleaning he never lifted a finger in the end i left him talk about shock all the years that i had no help i really did start to hate him in the end i gave up on my marriage i couldnt change him in any way to do anything now i dont answer to him or anyone else and im so much happier ,,,,,

thehappybutterfly

nfollows - you sound lovely!

loracan1

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

He thinks he works so it is a big deal that when he gets home, he parks his backside down and expects to be treated like the king.

...

I asked him if I can have a morning off either on Sat or Sun. Answer is yes but when it comes to the agreed day, I always get the 'I am hungry. Go and cook' look.

...

Does the first really happen? What I mean is, does he expect to be waited on or does he just sit down when he's got in from work?

What it is that you do on weekends? Can't you just give him a nudge and give him 'a look' that requests a cup of tea bringing up to you? Either of my kids will bring me a brew on a sunday morning if I [STRIKE]nag[/STRIKE] ask nicely but neither of them would have the gumption to just do it (no OH to ask).

I don't really get some of the responses in this thread - I don't think doing all the housework is that bad for a SAHM when the child is at school fulltime. Neither do I think he is an oaf, just a bit insensitive and willing to let you do everything (and frankly if someone else in my house was going to collect my dishes/get up at ridiculous times to make my lunch and breakfast I'd let them)

KxMx

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Lol ok. Sounds like a plan. That is gonna b fun. Thanks

That's the spirit :beer:

Let us know how it goes!

loracan1 wrote: »

I don't really get some of the responses in this thread - I don't think doing all the housework is that bad for a SAHM when the child is at school fulltime. Neither do I think he is an oaf, just a bit insensitive and willing to let you do everything (and frankly if someone else in my house was going to collect my dishes/get up at ridiculous times to make my lunch and breakfast I'd let them)

Yes, the person at home doing the lion' share of the housework is not unreasonable.

But expecting the other person to show some basic considerations such as putting their dirty plates in the sink, isn't unreasonable either.

thehappybutterfly

bargainbetty wrote: »

As a practical suggestion, ask your OH to request a spare set of uniform from his employer. It is not unreasonable to have at least two sets (I used to work at Homebase and we got four). This will remove the need to wash every day. If he could get three pairs of trousers and four shirts/tops, you'd have a lot more leeway.

Each night, while dinner is cooking, make sandwiches for the lunches. Well wrapped, they will be fine overnight. Add other bits to make a packed lunch. If OH objects to this, tell him to get up and do it himself. He can also make breakfast. (see washing up bit below)

Obtain/find a bag or rucksack (cheapy charity shop one will do) for OH. Present to him one evening, with the words 'Here, put your satnav, work bits etc in here to save you running about in the morning. In morning, add your lunch from the fridge. Repeat this daily'. If OH complains, point out that you are mum to DS. Not him. He is grown up and needs to look after himself. Stay in bed.

Politely explain that the next time he leaves dirty plates anywhere other than the kitchen sink, you'll serve him his dinner on them unwashed. SAHM, yes. Wife, yes. Slave? No. He can drag his lazy backside to the sink and put them in there. Leave a washing up bowl with soapy (if cold) water in there, and stuff can soak. He is behaving disrespectfully.

I think this comes down to you telling him that you appreciate he works, but you are not his carer. He can do some basic things, including wiping the bathroom up if he pees randomly. Putting his plates in the kitchen, cleaning up after himself and packing his own work bag are basic things.

You have to think about the example you are setting your son. He needs to know that housework is not a woman's 'job'.

Tell him you are going out Saturday morning. Tell him that he will need to breakfast with your son, and you'd appreciate him making sure that the dirty stuff is in the sink (or washed) when you get back. Smile sweetly and say you'll make a lovely dinner in the evening, being all full of energy from your few hours off.

Best of luck

Excellent, excellent post! Especially the bit about serving his dinner on his dirty plate. Love it!

sweetsheep84

Hi bargainbetty, he already made the request for uniforms (3 weeks ago!!) but no reply yet. He does have a bag but he scatters things around and never sees them when they are right in front of him. Guess I have to let him learn. DS knows helping mum is essential and he does do his bit when requested (make his bed, toys away, plates in kitchen, etc) so DS should be fine (i hope). Thanks for your input and ideas. They are worth a go.

Hi kate1961, good to know you are happy. I just hope I will not have to go down that road too.

sweetsheep84

loracan1, he gets in, takes off shoes, takes work trousers off wherever he may be, parks down on sofa, asks for food (i dont answer straightaway sometimes then it becomes a demand. But I might be doing something else so I cannot just drop what I do to answer him). So what is it called?

I do request teas but have 50% chance of not getting it. So keep on asking or doing it yourself? I have no probs with doing housework weekdays. I want a weekend off with him helping. Thats all.

victory

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

loracan1, he gets in, takes off shoes, takes work trousers off wherever he may be, parks down on sofa, asks for food (i dont answer straightaway sometimes then it becomes a demand. But I might be doing something else so I cannot just drop what I do to answer him). So what is it called?

I do request teas but have 50% chance of not getting it. So keep on asking or doing it yourself? I have no probs with doing housework weekdays. I want a weekend off with him helping. Thats all.

I was ear wigging a conversation in town today, they kept asking each other to do things and the answer was always 'well, ok I will do that for you if you do this for me' at first I thought uhm tit for tat, no one is going to get anywhere but it seemed in the end they did agree and everyone got what they wanted, you do this for me and I will do this for you....try it may work for you:D