frustrated!!

FBaby

I have to say that reading the whole thread, it makes me wonder whether you do all of it to feel needed, and then complain that you are taken for granted. I don't understand your schedule at all.

If you really cared to make it easier for yourself, so you wouldn't feel so used, there are many things you could do to make your life easier.

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

4:30 up doing OH breakfast/lunch Do you really need to get up at that time? No you don't, his breakfast and lunch can be prepared the night before. There is little you can't prepare in advance that can be heated in the morning and kept in the fridge for his lunch. Why are you doing it?
5:00 he gets up
5:25 he leaves then I tidy up the previous nights mess (plates, cups left around). Iron DS uniform, have a cuppa. You say that you tidy already in the evening, so what mess is left over that you still need to tidy? Ironing in the morning? You have plenty of time to do it after your son is at school.
7:00 DS up, breakfast, read a lil book, make him his packed lunch (sometimes i do it with his dads) Exactly, do it in the evenings at the same time than his dad.
8:00 get myself and himself ready dressed for school
8:30 we leave
9:30 back home, another cuppa, hoover (terrible hair loss), on mse So that's at least 2 hours of free time, that IS luxury
12:00 dishes, start part cook our supper sometimes baking, clean toilet (boys) and bath tub (hair loss) That takes you 2 1/2 hours every single day??? You could do this in 1 hour at most and really isn't required every day
2:40 leave to pick up DS
3:40 home, DS homework, reading Again, you don't need to spend 50 mns doing homework every day at that age.
4:30 finish off dinner Why do you need to finish it up after all the time you spent on it earlier?
5:00 food time
6:00 bath time
7:30 his bed time (in between 5 till then also his dads food and shower)
8:00 my shower/bath time
8:30 laundry in you could do this earlier and this activity doesn't take an hour
9:30 laundry out (sometimes longer depends) then clean up my kitchen or dry my hair. If you spend one hour on this, you certainly shouldn't have anything left to clean at 5 in the morning
Between 10:30 till 11:30 my bed time.

Your hubby sounds like he lives in the prehistoric times, but I think you are causing yourself problems and it is your own doing that you can't organise yourself better to have more time for yourself. Even week-ends, are you really getting up just to cook breakfast for your son? What are you teaching him? Surely it should be the other way round, if you get up to prepare breakfast for your hubby, why don't you do the same for your son that he can heat when he gets up, and week-ends he can wait and just have cereals.

Focus on organising yourself better and then maybe you will then resent your hubby less, whilst telling him that if he is not happy with what you do, he can do it himself.

JodyBPM

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

DS dresses himself. I refuse to dress him. But he is just slow. so i have to keep asking him. .

Now I've read this, I'm wondering whether its multi-tasking that you are having a problem with. I *totally* get what you mean about your DS being slow to dress - I have 2 children (a bit older 6 & 8) and they still take ages to get dressed and need a lot of chivvying along. But although it takes them say 20mins to get dressed, it only takes seconds of my time. I'm bustling around, clearing up the breakfast stuff, unloading the washing machine and packing the schoolbags etc, just popping my head around the door every few minutes to hurry them along. I don't *waste* that time, I use it to get other stuff done. Similarly, I scrub the toilet and sink whilst they are in the bath, and clean the bath out whilst they are drying and getting jammies on. I make packed lunches for 2 days in one go and store in the fridge - I chop carrot and cucumber batons whilst I'm prepping the veg for dinner etc etc. So I compress all the little jobs into the same time slot, leaving me several hours free on my non working days, all evening and all weekends to pursue my own interests. As I said before, half an hour here or an hour there won't make you feel like you've had any time to yourself, but add it all together and you would find you have a lot of spare time to play with.

Incidentally, on my non working days, the same amount of housework can take me 1 hour (if I have something else I want to do), 2 hours (if I have something else I need to do,but don't particularly want to do) or all day (if I'm just aimlessly dipping in and out of it, in between copious cups of coffee, a flick through a magazine, a bit of internet browsing, half an hour chatting to the chickens etc etc).

I think this is all about time management tbh.

victory

fbabyvery good post:D

jellyhead

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Hi mucklebones, 8:30 to 9:30 is when i squeeze in deadenders and online banking for us. So it is not just play time unfortunately lol. Thanks for your input though. Some things will be changed.

What's deadenders? Could online banking be done in the mornings before you log into MSE?

I think you could save yourself some time if you put the washing in as soon as your OH gets home. Don't wait for him to have a shower - if he only has one set and it needs to be washed daily then get it done early so that you can relax in the evenings and go to bed earlier.

What time does your husband go to bed, do you go together? If I was getting up at 4:30 I'd need to go to bed at 8-ish rather than starting on the laundry! If you want to get up with him in the mornings I think you need to sort the evenings out so that you can go to bed earlier.

One of them has to go - either you stop getting up at 4:30 or you start going to bed earlier, and slotting those things you usually do in the late evening into your daytime instead. Go to bed at 8 after your bath if you're going to get up at 4:30.

sweetsheep84

Deadenders is eastenders. My only guilty pleasure lol (called it that coz always people dying in it)

Yes I agree. Some things need to go. Daily routine will be changed.

Our washing machine is a bit useless. It does stop and i have to keep going back. Clean my kitchen in the evening, living room in the morning and that is why there are 2 tidy ups.

Like I said, I have no problems doing housework on weekdays. It is the weekend I want him chipping in.

JodyBPM

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Like I said, I have no problems doing housework on weekdays. It is the weekend I want him chipping in.

What do you generally do at the weekend housework wise? As I said before, I leave my weekends free, because I have time to get the chores done during the week.
Obviously everyone is fed, and the children are cleaned, and we have the bedtime routine etc to do, but I don't really do any housework. On Friday after school I wash their school uniforms and anything else that needs washing, supermarket shops are done in the week, hoovering/dusting/bathroom cleaning can wait til Monday...

Maybe you need to book yourself a day out with friends one Saturday. I'm sure your husband could manage to keep things afloat for one day...

sweetsheep84

Quick hoover there and then. Change sheets weekly. Quick wipe down on windows, barthroom and kitchen (tend to blitz coz dont like dirty floor). Not a lot required compare with weekdays. Wont mind if OH says he will do the sheets or wipe down bathroom. But that rarely happens

JodyBPM

Can you do the sheet change on a weekday instead?

Then that would just leave whipping round windows, bathroom and kitchen.

Appreciate the windows/mould issue, but can bathroom and kitchen not wait til Monday? TBH if you went out for the day at the weekend, this stuff probably wouldn't get done, but would that really matter?

I would suggest you give yourself the day off at the weekend (bar essential cooking/washing children etc), and I bet you the world won't come to an end if the kitchen floor is sometimes dirty on a Sunday...

Also, suggest to your DS that *as a treat* he can make his own breakfast at the weekend. Leave some coco pops/cheerios/whatever child friendly cereal that he doesn't usually have on the table with a bowl and a spoon, and leave a jug of milk in the fridge. He will love being a little bit independent once or twice a week. And don't worry, he'll make enough noise that you will be awake to make sure he's safe/comes to no harm, but you won't actually have to jump out of bed to see to him - you can just relax in bed listening out to make sure he is OK!

sweetsheep84

Might try change sheets on weekdays and wash them on weekends as weekdays have no space to dry them.

If we did go out, i will still do the above housework esp the windows coz i am bit ocd (a long story).

Will defo make some changes. Thanks.

mithras

You've been given loads of great advice here, I hope it helps. Am a stay at home Mum too, home educate 3 kids and study part time with the OU so appreciate how important time management and being organised is and can also say it took me a long time to get as organised as I am nowadays, mostly making small changes and making them a habit before moving onto the next changes

Maize porridge is an African dish isn't it? Sorry if I'm totally wrong but I'm wondering what nationality your husband and/ or you are and if some of the time consuming issues (cooking special sauces from scratch for meals for example) are cultural expectations? I only ask as I have Indian family and know one of my older Aunties spends aeons on food prep and gets up earlier than the rest of the household to make breakfast and start prepping food for later in the day. She's always done it and probably always will.

Someone's already offered good advice on this - batch cook! I do it myself, make a massive pot of curry sauce or bolognaise or whatever, use some for that day and then freeze the rest in meal sized portions. I can then take it out in the morning to defrost during the day for use with the evening meal and even if I forget to do that it will still defrost pretty quickly if gently warmed in a pan