frustrated!!

sweetsheep84

Thanks. Yes it is an african dish and few of his fav dish are time consuming (oxtail stew, kidney beans not the tinned ones, etc) so yeah, it is expected of me but i dont always follow (i do need a break lol). We are a mix of african, asian and american in this family so it is fun lol. Thanks again.

jellyhead

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Deadenders is eastenders. My only guilty pleasure lol (called it that coz always people dying in it)

Yes I agree. Some things need to go. Daily routine will be changed.

Our washing machine is a bit useless. It does stop and i have to keep going back. Clean my kitchen in the evening, living room in the morning and that is why there are 2 tidy ups.

Like I said, I have no problems doing housework on weekdays. It is the weekend I want him chipping in.

What sort of TV do you have? Could you watch it during the early morning while you have coffee after your husband leaves? Or on iplayer if you don't have a TV box that will record programmes.

Would it be possible to put the washing machine on earlier? I couldn't function on the amount of sleep you get, I'd be going to bed at the same time as my youngest if I was going to get up at 4:30

And yes, I agree that he should be chipping in at the weekends, but I also think you need to shorten your day on the work days. And unlike everyone else on the thread I think it's nice that you wake up to spend the morning with him. Not the getting up before him, I wouldn't do that, but I don't think it would feel very nice for him to be getting up and going to work alone while everyone else sleeps. I don't think you can do both the early morning wake-up AND the evening doing laundry though.

Ms_Chocaholic

I'm sorry to be harsh but when I had a 4 year old I was working full-time and kept the house clean, I had a husband but I don't recall he did much around the house. I used to leave home at about 7.45 am to drop my child at the childminder and not return home until about 6.00 pm and everything got done.

Ms_Chocaholic

Also something has been missed ... who does the food shopping? It's not been mentioned.

swapnil

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Hi all, just feel a bit frustrated with my OH. Long story short is he works and I stay home and run the house. He thinks he works so it is a big deal that when he gets home, he parks his backside down and expects to be treated like the king. What he does not see is me cleaning up, doing laundry, budgeting, making sure our bills get paid, doing homework with our DS, cooking, etc. Since he gets his weekend off, I asked him if I can have a morning off either on Sat or Sun. Answer is yes but when it comes to the agreed day, I always get the 'I am hungry. Go and cook' look. I am very tired of getting my point across to him as he fails to listen on this part. I get up at half 4 to make him packed lunch and breakfast Mon to Fri (trying to save money so he does not have to eat out). Sometimes I do not get to bed till half 11 trying to get pen ink off my DS school shirts or DS wakes up screaming for me!! So to me, once a week having a lazy morning is not too much to ask for. I feel really frustrated and exhausted about this. Sat him down numerous times to talk about it. Tried the calm approach or me shouting behind closed doors, he always seems to forget about what we agreed!! Sorry for a whinging thread. Just extremely fed up!!!!!

I can make out from your post that you love your husband more than you do it for any body else because you tend to cook for him on the days he has agreed to get you off from work, this shows your caring and loving nature towards your husband, but along with the love and care, you sometimes need to be stubborn and make him understand what it takes to you to go through all the day long working at home and managing all single handily. Pick a weekend and stay stubborn on your decision of not doing any thing that particular day, and tell your DH to cook for himself and do all the chores of the work himself and family just for a single day and then he will come to know the real difficulty of looking for the household chores, I give you a trick to do that, openly challenge your DH to handle a days chores on his own like you do, I am sure he will not be able to do it, and excite him to accept your challenge to do so.

dibuzz

kate1961 wrote: »

oh dear i thought i was looking at my life then i have 4 grown up sons and got up to do there packed lunches even when they started work my EX husband on the other hand was a lazy man yes he worked but like you at weekends it was his time he went fishing and for 32 years every weekend i got up to do flasks sandwiches for the fishing trip he didnt see what i did ie housework shopping cooking cleaning he never lifted a finger in the end i left him talk about shock all the years that i had no help i really did start to hate him in the end i gave up on my marriage i couldnt change him in any way to do anything now i dont answer to him or anyone else and im so much happier ,,,,,

Me too Katie. 2 of our kids were bad sleepers and I often had to manage on a couple of hours sleep a night. If that happened to be a time one of the others was awake I didn't even get that.
He would ring me as he left work and I had to have his tea ready for when he got in which often meant abandoning the kids' bedtime routine.
He never did a thing to help and I had to take all 4 kids food shopping as he wouldn't look after them while I went. He worked in a supermaket but wouldn't pick anything up as he "couldnt be bothered" even if it was something he had asked for and he knew I'd have to get all the kids ready to go and get it or he would sulk.
His days off and holidays were just for him, if I ever said I could do with a day off he would say every day is a day off as I didn't work :mad:
After 15 years I'd had enough (long before actually but didnt have the courage to do anything) and realised that he saw me as his slave not his wife, I was inferior to him and my feelings didnt matter.

If you carry on as you are the resentment will build up, I hope it doesnt get to that stage for you but you need to do something about it now.

samtoby

After reading all this I would go on strike for a WEEK!

samtoby

In our house I do cooking in the week while my partner is at work he does it at the weekends when we are off.

He does't do washing; he doesn't do ironing and he doesn't do cleaning as such but he does do the garden, car maintenance and all the maintenance in the house. He is currently working on putting in a wood burner.

I don't really have lie ins I seem to wake up the same 7am every day. But when he is having a lie in I am happy just to get up and get some bits done, read MSE and e-mails.

I know that if I asked him he would do things but I am happy with our arrangement. It works. I work three days a week (full days) and one morning helping a lady down the road so I do have a full day to bake (which I love doing) and do a few jobs but the house doesn't get that messy because we are only really here at night and weekends.

I did make my partner lunch for a few weeks when we first moved in together but stopped when he complained about something about it and that was that he does it himself.

Just because he goes out to work every day does not excuse him from any work when he gets home, a job shared is a job halfed after all and the time you could spend as quality time.

And your house must be a friggen show home. I can dream

sweetsheep84

Somrle days are harder than others. If i had an asthma attack in the morning and my knee plays up, then it is a struggle. So some things can take longer to get done not coz I dont want to do it.

OH and i watch eastenders together on iplayer but i do pause it coz of the washing machine stops and needs putting it back on. We do food shopping together coz i dont trust him doing it (did give him a list before and he always came back with different things) and i dont drive. So we do it together.

Thanks for the ideas. Some things will be changed. I did have a breakthrough last night as he found the sink in the kitchen lol.

Sambucus_Nigra

Jeez.

That is all.