frustrated!!

Mojisola

It's worth taking all the advice about the housework on board but the real problem is your OH's attitude.

He comes home from work - why does he think you should be on duty 24/7?

He's treating you like a housekeeper rather than a life partner and it stinks.

mummyroysof3

i dont think there is anything wrong with him coming in and sitting down after being at work all that time but i also dont think you are in wrong for wanting him to help later on after he has had a rest and to tidy up after himself before bed..have you talked to him about this?

sweetsheep84

Talked to him loads about this. Had a row over it this morning. Thing is, he will make an effort for 2 days, sees that i am happy, forgets about it, then back to usual lol.

I have no probpem doing houework on weekdays. It is the weekend I want him chipping in (yes I will change my daily routine a bit).

victory

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Talked to him loads about this. Had a row over it this morning. Thing is, he will make an effort for 2 days, sees that i am happy, forgets about it, then back to usual lol.

I have no probpem doing houework on weekdays. It is the weekend I want him chipping in (yes I will change my daily routine a bit).

CHarts, like children have, annoying, childish, silly but they work, we had charts for the kids to do 'their sunday jobs' it worked:D

elisebutt65

Crikey! I'm a single mum to 2 boys. Married but we have 2 households( works better & keeps the magic going. Lol)
I don't see why you do so much? Ok the plate hiding would drive me mental, and as for special porridge; Pfahhh!
I do pack ups before bed & boys just grab them on their way out. And how much ironing for a littlie? I shake most of it while its warm out the dryer lol.

Cooking tea only takes an hour max: pasta with sauce, pie with jus-rol lids, curries etc

I usually work Mon-Fri 8.30-5 (off with chemo at the mo tho') and still have the weekends free. My routines up the spout at the minute, but what would happen in your house, if god forbid, you got sick?? Your DH would have to do a hell of a lot more!

JodyBPM

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

4:30 up doing OH breakfast/lunch 10 mins to do DH and DS packups, 5 mins if you *must* make his bf for him (I'd make him do it himself)
5:00 he gets up
5:25 he leaves then I tidy up the previous nights mess (plates, cups left around). Iron DS uniform, have a cuppa. 5 mins (max, prob more like 30 secs) to pick up plates or cups and take them to the kitchen. 5 mins to iron DS uniform
7:00 DS up, breakfast, read a lil book, make him his packed lunch (sometimes i do it with his dads) 5 mins to make DS breakfast, 15 mins reading (although I don't think reading in the morning is necessary!) lunch already made
8:00 get myself and himself ready dressed for school 4 year old should be dressing himself - 5 mins to lay his clothes out and chivvy him along whilst you are dressing 5 mins for any tricky fastenings he might need help with
8:30 we leave
9:30 back home,another cuppa, hoover (terrible hair loss) about 1 hour to hoover an average 3 bedder through, on mse
12:00 dishes , start part cook our supper sometimes baking, clean toilet (boys) and bath tub (hair loss) 15 mins dishes, 30 min dinner prep, 30 min clean toilet and bath
2:40 leave to pick up DS
3:40 home, DS homework, reading 40 mins school work
4:30 finish off dinner 30 mins
5:00 food time
6:00 bath time 45 mins for bath, drying and jammies on/teeth cleaned
7:30 his bed time (in between 5 till then also his dads food and shower) 15 mins story
8:00 my shower/bath time
8:30 laundry in 5 mins
9:30 laundry out (sometimes longer depends) then clean up my kitchen or dry my hair.5 mins laundry, 15 to wipe over kitchen
Between 10:30 till 11:30 my bed time.

I add all this up to 5 and 3/4 hours out of the total 19 that you are up.

Honestly being a SAHM with one school aged child, you have it very, very easy. There is no way that you don't have lots of time to yourself, unless you have OCD or some other medical condition.

I work 2 days a week, have 2 school age children (plus a menagerie of various pets), keep a spotless house, keep weekends free from chores and still manage to have plenty of time to pursue my hobbies and meet friends for lunch etc! I consider that I have a lot of leisure time, far more than when I worked full time before children. Dh does very little round the house, because I have time to get it all done (he does usually cook dinner on the days I work though, and is involved with the children).

Having said all that there is no excuse for your DH to treat you like a skivvy, he should be treating you with respect, and I certainly think that you should be able to take time out at weekends or to have a lay in. I also think he should (and should want to) help out with your DS's homework and bedtime routine more.

I think you need to look at your time management skills, and be a bit more honest about how much leisure time you have. I suspect its a bit fragmented into half an hour with a cuppa and a mag here, and hour on mse there, a bit of daytime tele etc, and it escapes you rather than you feeling like you are benefitting from it. But I think that you probably have quite a lot of spare time during the day, not to mention every evening to yourself - probably more spare time than your DH tbh.

Sommer43

I'd make this really simple for myself. Go on holiday, on your own. For a week, and let him sort the children, his own packed lunch. While on holiday, learn some time management skills. Running a home is no easy task, raising children is no easy task. Your husband's job is probably not an easy task. It's called life. I work full-time from home, my husband is retired on medical grounds. Yet, he sets himself jobs each day. Otherwise he would drive me potty. Then together as a family, in the evenings, and at the weekends you make time for each other as a family. You all get up on Sunday together, make breakfast and eat it together. With the papers, talk about your week, talk about next week. Get your family in order, OP and make some rules for your whole family. Dad and son could make their packed lunches together for the next day, they could plan their lunch menus together. You're going to have to organise your family and lead them to you. Take some control and sort your husband out. Don't allow yourself to be taken for granted. Running a home and family is a monumental task, that's your task at the moment.

"Go and cook" look??? That happened to me, he'd be replied with a "go and foxtrot oscar" look.

Stand up to your husband, for your family, which includes him. What a pillock. And if he insists on "hiding" dirty plates, give him his food on a paper one. Also, in his lunchbox place a note "Make your own in future"

Hope all that helps, OP.

Goldiegirl

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Weekends are pretty chilled for the boys lol. DS has reading only (spellings is mon to thu). Only 2 sets of uniforms. He outgrows them quickly and tbh, we are not in good financial situation to be getting more plus OH wants to move (again). OHs uniform needs washing daily (1set given. Why? I dunno lol).

I still will cook and clean on weekend. And since they are both home, they want to eat more (boys). OH has a good appetite and skinny frame (wanna murder him sometimes dur to jealousy lol). DS is just like that. We take him out and stuff. So yeah. Not as tight schedule.

I was reading this thread at work in my lunchtime, so couldn't reply then.

When I got to this post I got confused, because I thought you only had one child. I actually went back to the begining to clarify how many children there were. Then it dawned on me that the Boys you were talking about your DS and OH.

I can't help thinking this is the root of the problem, you seem to be treating your OH as another child, and a fairly helpless child at that.

This situation has taken time to evolve, and it's difficult to change ingrained behaviours for both you and your OH.

But there's some great advice in this thread on how to change the situation, so I do hope you follow up all the suggestions

Jinx

I'm another who thinks you should let hubby do his own breakfast etc My hubby gets up at 5am for work every second weekend and if I am feeling especially nice I get up and make him a coffee n bacon sarnie before work. But the thing about that is its a treat - he doesnt expect it and its so much nicer.

sweetsheep84

Suffer from asthma, severe psoriasis, and psoriatic arthritis so it is not always easy. DS dresses himself. I refuse to dress him. But he is just slow. so i have to keep asking him. Our household is multi lingual so I intend to read to him in the languages I can. I dont watch TV but I read books and online news.

Thanks to the ones with great ideas and worth a go.