frustrated!!

nfollows1982

OMG!!

If I behaved like this my wife would probably kick me out!

We have 4 kids in our house (10,8,6 and a newborn) and although my wife is a SAHM I would never in a million years let her do all that by herself - it's absolutely riduclous IMO.

Even with the introduction of a baby 3 weeks ago we still have a good routine and I certainly don't come home from work and act like the Lord of the Manor!

I tend to get up before the rest of the household so if things need doing in the morning then I make sure it's all done before my wife gets up (i.e uniform ironing, pack lunches, maybe throw a load of washing on if needs be).

I'll try and do this the night before so I can then have a coffee and watch the news for an hour with my very own made breakfast!

My wife then gets up with the 3 eldest and they can get themselves ready for school whilst my wife feeds the baby and all she needs to do is get ready and out the house.

Our house is spotlessley clean but it doesnt need doing every single day - wife tends to do downstairs during the week and I will blitz and hoover the bedrooms at the weekends.

Things are slightly different at the moment because our newborn doesnt understand the routine but even so, everything that needs to be done gets done between us.

When it comes to the weekend we make sure that we share having a lie in - generally my wife will have a lazy Saturday morning and I will do Sunday - but when I say lie in I'm talking 9am!

I can't sit around all weekend and do nothing - I like to be a husband and a parent so I try and do as much as I can over the weekend - especially cooking etc.

I'm up at 6.30am, work 8.30 - 5.00, and I aim to have everything done and sorted by 9.00pm so we can sit and have some time together which I think is really important.

Your OH needs to shape up and fast!!

System

I must admit, i do more or less everything for my husband as he works away all week and only has the weekend to unwind. I dont mind doing it as he works hard and i dont work at all.

However, its when he is off work for a period of time i tend to stop being so 'helpful' because he does absolutely sod all for himself and thats when i tend to leave him to it. The cups of coffee i usually make for him start to dry up and if he wants a drink he usually helps himself to pop rather than make himself a coffee... but thats his choice. He's got a pair of legs and he can use them.

I have to say, i have no young children or other commitments though.

RichardD1970

Had to check the date of the first post on this thread.... then remembered they didn't have internet in the 1940s....

sassyblue

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

No. He was good until few years back. Think was until after my DS was born. I am home all the time. He works. Thinks it is ok for me to all the chores. I agreed coz knowing his work schedule. So yeah, partially my own making lol.

Same with my hubby, l went back to work though. My hubby wasn't interested in pulling his weight with DS - he knew it was hard work so IMO he tried to get out of it, hour long jaunts to the toilet, seriously. I would ask him to take DS whilst l was cooking as he was literally under my feet and him saying 'oh he wants to be with you' or then he'd come and sit in the kitchen with us reading so l ended up being the one still parenting :mad: Then he'd find a DIY job that desperately needed doing..... He didn't have good parenting skills either, he didn't understand how to relate to a child and expected too much and ended up moaning at him - he still does this and it riles me.

Like London50 said he talked the talk and people thought he was wonderful but he was a lazy s0d regards to parenting. He's better now DS is older - and easier - but some of the last few years have been horrible and l've threatened him with divorce a few times.

Don't get me wrong he's a good dad and idolises our DS but he doesn't pull his weight. Someone on here said on a thread about similar l put up once that when mum and dad are at home with children they should put 50/50 effort in regards jobs and parenting until bedtime. It still isn't like that now for me but it's getting there.

sweetsheep84

Sassyblue, OH and DS eat slightly different things. So i combine most of them and when dishing up, I leave out things each other dont eat.

Claire16c, thats how I feel lol.

TheConways, it is partially my own making so I want this sorted soon as i can.

LannieDuck, i agree. Thanks.

TheConways

Incidentally, I think it says a lot of good things about your character that you're taking advice on board. A lot of people post a problem, and then get very defensive about the solution!

It sounds to me like this behaviour is "learnt", so help him "unlearn" it.

Good luck!

KxMx

claire16c wrote: »

No no no He knows you are going to do this!

Ask him to clean them. If he wont (which is just ridiculous) when making dinner, put your own dinner on a plate and tell him sorry there were no plates left so just leave his portion in the pan and leave him to it.

Exactly this, you have to lower your standards a bit if you don't want to end up being the skivvy again.

I have had to do this and it's hard living in a messy/tips into dirty house with another person not cleaning after themselves, but I put up with it because I don't want to be doing all the work again. I was roundly taken advantage of too and I hate things not being as clean as i'd like but i'd hate more doing all the chores again!

sweetsheep84

Sassyblue, so there is hope for all of us!!

TheConways, sometimes people just want a rant, not really want to change things coz they are used to it (not in this case. Want this changed FAST lol). Thanks. I need all the luck I can get lol.

nfollows1982, good to know you help out. At least I know there is hope for me lol.

sweetsheep84

KxMx wrote: »

Exactly this, you have to lower your standards a bit if you don't want to end up being the skivvy again.

I have had to do this and it's hard living in a messy/tips into dirty house with another person not cleaning after themselves, but I put up with it because I don't want to be doing all the work again. I was roundly taken advantage of too and I hate things not being as clean as i'd like but i'd hate more doing all the chores again!

How did you cope with it being untidy? I find it so hard to leave things untidy lol.

KxMx

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

How did you cope with it being untidy? I find it so hard to leave things untidy lol.

It's hard I am going to be honest with you. But with time you find yourself reasonably content with shutting your eyes to it and having a good old mutter about the other person. And think back to when you did everything/got taken advantage of and just how that made you feel. Helps keep you strong!

:cool: