frustrated!!

claire16c

Some nights why not just cook something quick like pizza or pasta, so youre not doing any cooking in the day time. Or stuff like sweet & sour chicken with rice? Stuff like that doesnt take long to cook and no preparation.

If cooking the porridge takes so long then buy the instant stuff, or Ready Brek!

I feel quite bad for you really because you seem to be taken from granted by your OH, and you are also doing far more than you need to be in the first place.

If I were you I would look into getting a job - even if its only for a couple of hours a day - like maybe a lunch time controller at your DS school? Supermarket? Temp work etc. It would get you out of the house and that way you would have less time at home, and perhaps stop you focusing so much on the mess etc

Maybe if you do move you can move somewhere with no mould, that will be one thing off your list

sweetsheep84

podperson wrote: »

Hi OP,
Completely agree that your OH needs to buck up and at least cover one morning a week so you can have a break. As others have said it might be best to physically leave the house at least at first then you can't get 'roped' into doing anything - if he HAS to manage then he will do. Your DS will be fine with cereal on a Saturday morning and then there's no cooking needed. Also if he's making more work for you by 'hiding' dishes round the house then I'd be very tempted to make a pile of them and that's his to wash when he gets in. If he actually has to clean up his mess then I have a feeling he'll break the habit pretty quickly - but either way it's less work for you.

I do agree though that you might be making things a bit harder work for you then you need to. Your OH could easily get cereal himself in the morning and take sandwiches from the fridge (can make these the night before with DS's) then you wouldn't need to get up an hour before him! Also does your DS only have one set of uniform? It sounds like you wash it at night, leave it to dry overnight and iron in the morning? Obviously I don't know what exactly his uniform consists of but maybe buying a pack of shirts (ie from Asda/Tesco) might save you a lot of time if you could have them ready for the whole week. I hope you don't think I'm criticising but your day sounds exhausting so I do think try and look at anything you can do to make it easier on yourself x

Thanks. DS has 2 sets. Sometimes I do wash it in one go sometimes not. Depends on the size of the load. OH wants to move again so not sure if I should get more uniform. OH had left a plate for 2 days and I left it there on purpose. Still not taken. He wont touch the dirty pile but look for a clean one. I cannot leave dishes for that long!! So i do them instead of him.

sweetsheep84

claire16c wrote: »

Some nights why not just cook something quick like pizza or pasta, so youre not doing any cooking in the day time. Or stuff like sweet & sour chicken with rice? Stuff like that doesnt take long to cook and no preparation.

If cooking the porridge takes so long then buy the instant stuff, or Ready Brek!

I feel quite bad for you really because you seem to be taken from granted by your OH, and you are also doing far more than you need to be in the first place.

If I were you I would look into getting a job - even if its only for a couple of hours a day - like maybe a lunch time controller at your DS school? Supermarket? Temp work etc. It would get you out of the house and that way you would have less time at home, and perhaps stop you focusing so much on the mess etc

Maybe if you do move you can move somewhere with no mould, that will be one thing off your list

I prep cook and part cook a lot. Like i buy chicken wings then prep it before I get DS or cook red sauce before leaving. Get home finish off with pasta. Thanks for your input. Yes, we both are fed up with the mould coz it is causing me to have attacks more often. Will look into part time work. No instant solution for his porridge (ggrrr) as it is made with maize flour, sugar and peanut butter. OH cant stand pizza so no joy. Pasta can be quick if using jar sauce (I dont really use them).

mucklebones

Has your partner always been this idle? Has he always expected you to do all these things without even lifting a finger or soaking his dirty plates or even putting them in the sink?

How did you get into this rut. I would be giving him more than a kick up the backside and showing him the door lol. Having said that I would not have been in a position where I would of accepted this to begin with.

Its frustrating me and I dont live with him lol ><

tooldle

This is madness. You need to bring some structure to your day. What do you do in the time between your OH leaving and your DS getting up?
In our house we both work, me 32 hours and OH 35 hours. I compress my hours into 4 days, leaving me free on a Friday to clean the house top to bottom. I also bake for the full week (bread and cakes etc) and deal with admin type jobs on that day. I tend to get going with this around 8.30 and usually am completely done by 3.30ish. Allowing for lunch, its probably about 6 or so hours of work. Spread across a week, 2 hours or so each day should more than cover these tasks. Through in some extra for daily tasks, laundry etc. What are you doing with the rest of the time?
If it were me, I would aim to get everything done with little one is at school. On the weekends we tackle DIY and gardening, generally tasks where everyone can pitch in.

claire16c

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Thanks. DS has 2 sets. Sometimes I do wash it in one go sometimes not. Depends on the size of the load. OH wants to move again so not sure if I should get more uniform. OH had left a plate for 2 days and I left it there on purpose. Still not taken. He wont touch the dirty pile but look for a clean one. I cannot leave dishes for that long!! So i do them instead of him.

No no no He knows you are going to do this!

Ask him to clean them. If he wont (which is just ridiculous) when making dinner, put your own dinner on a plate and tell him sorry there were no plates left so just leave his portion in the pan and leave him to it.

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

I prep cook and part cook a lot. Like i buy chicken wings then prep it before I get DS or cook red sauce before leaving. Get home finish off with pasta. Thanks for your input. Yes, we both are fed up with the mould coz it is causing me to have attacks more often. Will look into part time work. No instant solution for his porridge (ggrrr) as it is made with maize flour, sugar and peanut butter. OH cant stand pizza so no joy. Pasta can be quick if using jar sauce (I dont really use them).

I think you are trying to be super mum. Yes a healthy diet is important but you dont need to make every single sauce etc yourself all the time.

He will just have to eat a different kind of porridge or have cereal/toast. Or make his own porridge at 5am and clean up his OWN bowl. There is no excuse for this.

Dont keep making excuses for him because hes certainly not giving you any.

You should like some kind of professional housekeeper not a mum!

sweetsheep84

No. He was good until few years back. Think was until after my DS was born. I am home all the time. He works. Thinks it is ok for me to all the chores. I agreed coz knowing his work schedule. So yeah, partially my own making lol.

sassyblue

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

4:30 up doing OH breakfast/lunch Do these the night before and stay in bed until 7am!!
5:00 he gets up
5:25 he leaves then I tidy up the previous nights mess (plates, cups left around). Iron DS uniform, have a cuppa.
7:00 DS up, breakfast, read a lil book, make him his packed lunch (sometimes i do it with his dads)
8:00 get myself and himself ready dressed for school
8:30 we leave
9:30 back home, another cuppa, hoover (terrible hair loss), on mse
12:00 dishes, start part cook our supper sometimes baking, clean toilet (boys) and bath tub (hair loss)
2:40 leave to pick up DS
3:40 home, DS homework, reading
4:30 finish off dinner
5:00 food time
6:00 bath time
7:30 his bed time (in between 5 till then also his dads food and shower)
8:00 my shower/bath time
8:30 laundry in (and leave it there until the next morning, now dry hair and you're ready for bed by 9.30pm)
9:30 laundry out (sometimes longer depends) then clean up my kitchen or dry my hair.
Between 10:30 till 11:30 my bed time.

Get home at 9.30am, get washing out (that you put in last night) to dry, skim round the house doing housework, you've got 5 hours here.

What do you do for hubbys tea? l cook everyone the same and leave DH's plate of food to rewarm when he gets home. (if he's going to be late). Your OH is quite capable of warming up his own food thus saving you another job and his contribution to the day should be cleaning the kitchen, the majority of it should be done by yourself cleaning up as you cook leaving only plates and larger saucepans and baking tray.

Using a 3 tiered steamer for veg is easy to throw in a bowl of soupy water and rinse out whilst food is cooling slightly, place baking tray into soak then leave to drain on sideboard whilst you and your little one eat.

TheConways

This guy is something else. I hope he has some other amazing qualities that make up for him being a complete !!!!.

It's a sign of total disrespect that he would leave dirty plates around for you to clean. I would seriously think about whether you want to spend the next 50 years of your life with someone like this.

LannieDuck

Sweetpea, now you've posted your daytime timetable I'm at a loss to see what the problem is.

I can understand why you want a lie-in from time-to-time, and I think the answer is very simple - stop getting up to sort your husband out in the morning. Leave him to it.

Apart from that, you seem to have a pretty easy day. I'm summarising, but:

7:00 - 9:30: Get child up and school run. This is very normal.
9:30 - 12.00: Hoover and have time to yourself. How long does your hoovering take? You basically have the morning off.
12:00 - 2:40: Cooking and cleaning. I don't think this is unreasonable for a SAHM.
2:40-4.40: School run and homework. Again, very normal (except I agree with the others that it's a lot of homework for a 4yo).
5:00-7:30: Child's bed-time routine. This is a little long (my LO's routine is from 6-7.30), but that's your choice. Time also includes cooking for OH.
8:00-11.30: Your time (with exception of a load of laundry)