frustrated!!

mummyroysof3

dont mean to sound harsh but im struggling to understand why you are struggling so much. do you work and what is your routine?

firsty to avoid having to get up to sort him out for work i would put his stuff in a back near the front door for him so he has to get his lunch from fridge himself put everything else is ready, surely he can manage that?

i also have a husband that doesnt help but with 3 kids to sort and studying ive got myself into a good routine and cut myself some slack so am willing to help you if i can

sweetsheep84

TheConways wrote: »

I'm guessing this attitude isn't new - men just don't change overnight! Mr Conway is great at doing house stuff.

I see two things you are doing wrong

1. Asking for his permission for time off. He doesn't own your time - you own your time! By asking for "permission" to take time off, you are reinforcing your prejudice. Stop! Start saying no. Say something like "I've arranged an appointment to have my hair done on Saturday morning, and then i'm meeting Jill for lunch. You'll be looking after little one". If he complains, you can laugh that this is always his expectation of you, so he shouldn't be surprised when you treat him the same way back! Should give him some food for thought.

2. Potentially "making work" - it sounds like you are busy non-stop. My mother is a bit like this (and I am getting like this too!). Floors don't need to be polished every day, you don't have to make an amazing meal always. Make a list of things that need doing on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. Sit down and agree with your husband what to do. Key is to get him to engage on this.. Sell the benefits. For example, a less stressed, grumpy, tired wife is a more loving one

Thanks. This is some food for thought

mucklebones

Can he not keep his porridge but just submerge the dirty stuff in water before he goes? Surely you wash up at some point in the morning whats a pan spoon and bowl extra to wash if its been previously soaked.

I too am struggling to understand how you are managing your time. I think you need to cut yourself some slack. Can you jot down your basic routine from 4.30 am on-ward so we all might be able to figure where things are going wrong?

Not sure the ignore all approach will work, but you need to make it clear that things have to change and ensure that there will be a consequence if things do not change. A consequence you can see through.

sweetsheep84

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

dont mean to sound harsh but im struggling to understand why you are struggling so much. do you work and what is your routine?

firsty to avoid having to get up to sort him out for work i would put his stuff in a back near the front door for him so he has to get his lunch from fridge himself put everything else is ready, surely he can manage that?

i also have a husband that doesnt help but with 3 kids to sort and studying ive got myself into a good routine and cut myself some slack so am willing to help you if i can

4:30 up doing OH breakfast/lunch
5:00 he gets up
5:25 he leaves then I tidy up the previous nights mess (plates, cups left around). Iron DS uniform, have a cuppa.
7:00 DS up, breakfast, read a lil book, make him his packed lunch (sometimes i do it with his dads)
8:00 get myself and himself ready dressed for school
8:30 we leave
9:30 back home, another cuppa, hoover (terrible hair loss), on mse
12:00 dishes, start part cook our supper sometimes baking, clean toilet (boys) and bath tub (hair loss)
2:40 leave to pick up DS
3:40 home, DS homework, reading
4:30 finish off dinner
5:00 food time
6:00 bath time
7:30 his bed time (in between 5 till then also his dads food and shower)
8:00 my shower/bath time
8:30 laundry in
9:30 laundry out (sometimes longer depends) then clean up my kitchen or dry my hair.
Between 10:30 till 11:30 my bed time.

thehappybutterfly

Maybe I'm alone in thinking this but aren't you, OP, overreacting to your son's academic abilities? He's four isn't he? My son, now 20, is very very clever, but he couldn't read or write at 4. Nor would anybody I know have expected him to.

Personally, like a lot of people in this thread, I think you're making work for yourself. A house does not need cleaned every day, cooking a meal doesn't need to take hours every day. I was a stay at home mum for the first couple of years with both my kids and I had plenty of free time. The house was tidy, not spotless, my kids were entertained, I cooked a meal every day. Don't get me wrong, I was sometimes frazzled if the kids had been not well but when that happened, we got a takeaway and to hell with the bathroom/kitchen/ironing/dishes.

ETA: I read a bit more of your thread. I have asthma too but still didn't need to dust/hoover every day. I think the flyiing dust and cleaning chemicals make things worse!

You need to calm down, relax and enjoy life. And stop running round after your OH. 4.30 in the morning? Make sandwiches etc the night before if you must do this. My son, believe it or not, was making his own breakfast at 4! He'd get out his cereal bowl, put it on the floor, pour the cereal in, pour the milk in and take it through to the living room where he's put the TV on and sit and eat his breakfast quietly until I got up! :rotfl: He's a trained chef now - he started early!

Ames

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Thanks. I will be on strike this weekend.

Tish_P wrote: »

If you're going to try "going on strike" - unlikely to work IMO, but whatever - do so by getting up early on Saturday and leaving the house to read a saucy novel alone in a cafe with your phone switched off until noon. Tell him you'll be doing this so he wont get worried. That way he's only got option A (feed son) or option B (let son go hungry), which is a simpler decision than if you also provided him with option C (guilt you into cooking).

I was going to say the same as Tish, it would give him a small idea of what it's like for you.

sweetsheep84

mucklebones wrote: »

Can he not keep his porridge but just submerge the dirty stuff in water before he goes? Surely you wash up at some point in the morning whats a pan spoon and bowl extra to wash if its been previously soaked.

I too am struggling to understand how you are managing your time. I think you need to cut yourself some slack. Can you jot down your basic routine from 4.30 am on-ward so we all might be able to figure where things are going wrong?

Not sure the ignore all approach will work, but you need to make it clear that things have to change and ensure that there will be a consequence if things do not change. A consequence you can see through.

He doesnt soak things. If he feels like it, he will but not all the time so it does get horrible if he doesnt soak them. Think i do need to cut myself somr slack.

onlyroz

As a full-time working mum I am struggling a bit to understand why you need to spend so much time cooking, cleaning and prepping packed lunches. However...

...As a stay-at-home mum I would say it is your "job" to do most of the cooking and cleaning for the household. If you're struggling to find time to do all of this then I'd suggest that you lower your standards, especially on the housework front. Floors don't need mopping every day and carpets don't need hoovering every day. If you have a problem with damp/mould then buy a dehumidifier - I've just got one because I dry the washing in our bedroom and I was fed up of the walls and windows dripping with water, and I've been amazed to find that the dehumidifier works and can collect a litre or so of water each day.

On the other hand, it is your shared responsibility to raise your child and so I think your husband should do his fair share of helping out with homework, giving the kids a bath, reading bed-time stories and getting breakfast at the weekend. If he is making unreasonable demands about you getting his breakfast in the morning, or making lunch at the weekend then tell him to take a hike (pointing him in the direction of the fridge).

sweetsheep84

Hi thehappybutterfly, I try not to use chemicals as much but do try wipe the moisture off daily as it gets mouldy easily in each room. Thanks. Think i do need to relax a bit.

mummyroysof3

please dont take offence at anything i say as i know its different for everybody

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

4:30 up doing OH breakfast/lunch-this needs to get sorted your day is far too long, my hubby used to go work for 6 and was expected to grab his lunch out the fridge and feed himself which usually ment he had a cereal bar and glass of apple juice/water
5:00 he gets up-and you get up before him..are you mad? lol
5:25 he leaves then I tidy up the previous nights mess (plates, cups left around). Iron DS uniform, have a cuppa....why arent these in sink night before and uniform ironed during day if you home
7:00 DS up, breakfast, read a lil book, make him his packed lunch (sometimes i do it with his dads)...my kids get no where near the homework yours does and they are older so thismust be hard to fit in
8:00 get myself and himself ready dressed for school
8:30 we leave
9:30 back home, another cuppa, hoover (terrible hair loss), on mse...dont get on mse till a few jobs have been done...i know how it is that once youve sat down you dont want to get up lol
12:00 dishes...what dishes?, start part cook our supper sometimes baking, clean toilet (boys) and bath tub (hair loss)
2:40 leave to pick up DS
3:40 home,..thats a long schoolrun isnt it? DS homework, reading
4:30 finish off dinner
5:00 food time...do you wash up straight after?...fill sink while cooking then do them as you go along
6:00 bath time
7:30 his bed time (in between 5 till then also his dads food and shower)
8:00 my shower/bath time
8:30 laundry in..whys this done in the evening? i put washer on every morning after kids are dressed for school
9:30 laundry out (sometimes longer depends) then clean up my kitchen or dry my hair.
Between 10:30 till 11:30 my bed time.

im really not wanting to be harsh but you need a better routine to fit more stuff in the daytime imo