frustrated!!

sweetsheep84

Alikay wrote: »

We tend to get up at the same time at weekends as small children's body-clocks don't do lie-ins! It sounds like you feel a bit resentful about the work your putting in with your son too (prob because you feel OH isn't contributing), but honestly, your DS doesn't NEED scrambled eggs at the weekend or so much hard work put into his homework. Chill out and enjoy him while he's little - you don't need to be supermum!

DS is a bit slow on writing that is why I put in more time on homrwork. And thanks.

Tish_P

If you're going to try "going on strike" - unlikely to work IMO, but whatever - do so by getting up early on Saturday and leaving the house to read a saucy novel alone in a cafe with your phone switched off until noon. Tell him you'll be doing this so he wont get worried. That way he's only got option A (feed son) or option B (let son go hungry), which is a simpler decision than if you also provided him with option C (guilt you into cooking).

sweetsheep84

Hi claire16c. He has spellings 4 days a week. So friday he has none. Reading takes bit of time too coz he does not concentrate. I part cook some food during day time then finish it off when DS does his homework. Dishwasher isnt possible as no space in kitchen. I clean a lot coz the flat gets mouldy by windows and i have asthma. I do agree with him trying make his own lunch. However, he does not always do it then resulting him spending money on food when he could have saved it. Thanks.

sweetsheep84

Tish_P wrote: »

If you're going to try "going on strike" - unlikely to work IMO, but whatever - do so by getting up early on Saturday and leaving the house to read a saucy novel alone in a cafe with your phone switched off until noon. Tell him you'll be doing this so he wont get worried. That way he's only got option A (feed son) or option B (let son go hungry), which is a simpler decision than if you also provided him with option C (guilt you into cooking).

Good idea. Will give it a go. Thanks.

peachyprice

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

I get up at half 4 to make him packed lunch and breakfast Mon to Fri

!!!!!!? He can't make his own packed lunch and breakfast?

If OH is on an early shift he makes his lunch the night before and leaves it in the fridge.

As for breakfast, what is he having at 4.30am that require you to get out of bed to do it? Surely he's capable of putting a couple of slices of toast in the toaster or some cereal in a bowl?

If you honestly think he will spend rather than make his own packed lunch in the morning, make it for him the night before but let him get his own breakfast. You'll get an extra 3 hours in bed, every day.

sweetsheep84

Hi peachyprice, morning can be porridge with oats, or his kind of porridge (maize flour with peanut butter). If he cooks it, I spend double time on cleaning the kitchen after he leaves. However, cereals it will be from now on.

peachyprice

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

Hi peachyprice, morning can be porridge with oats, or his kind of porridge (maize flour with peanut butter). If he cooks it, I spend double time on cleaning the kitchen after he leaves. However, cereals it will be from now on.

If he want's something hot, get something like shredded wheat, it won't be anywhere as messy as porridge.

andy.m_2

Both keep diaries of your day, accurately mind you.

You will both be shocked I am sure at what you both do in that time.

Then you can organise your time better Joking.

My wife and I did this as she was feeling like you, and to be fair I was feeling a bit like your hubby.
I don't belittle a stay at home Mum at all, tough job.
She was mostly struggling with feeding little one in the night, I was struggling with her not shutting the door and waking me up in the process.
We need me to keep my job

Anyways, as I said we were both shocked at what the other does and we made our compramise and agreed a deal that we stick to.

TheConways

I'm guessing this attitude isn't new - men just don't change overnight! Mr Conway is great at doing house stuff.

I see two things you are doing wrong

1. Asking for his permission for time off. He doesn't own your time - you own your time! By asking for "permission" to take time off, you are reinforcing your prejudice. Stop! Start saying no. Say something like "I've arranged an appointment to have my hair done on Saturday morning, and then i'm meeting Jill for lunch. You'll be looking after little one". If he complains, you can laugh that this is always his expectation of you, so he shouldn't be surprised when you treat him the same way back! Should give him some food for thought.

2. Potentially "making work" - it sounds like you are busy non-stop. My mother is a bit like this (and I am getting like this too!). Floors don't need to be polished every day, you don't have to make an amazing meal always. Make a list of things that need doing on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. Sit down and agree with your husband what to do. Key is to get him to engage on this.. Sell the benefits. For example, a less stressed, grumpy, tired wife is a more loving one!

Be clear, be firm. He's clearly been used to be a bit of a chauvinist, you will have an uphill battle trying to change his mind. Being consistent and clear with your expectations will be important.

sweetsheep84

Peachyprice, thanks will get him to find something hot and not too much work for him when we go shopping (that is gonna b fun lol)

Hi andy.m, thanks. I know how hard his work is and physical demanding (hes constantly on the go till he is driving home about 4 or 5 sometimes later). Still will give your idea a go.