Need help with saying no to someone while not falling out

poet123

I think it is emotive to use the word bullying here. It could be that Donna/Fred are coming under pressure from other parents ( which is quite likely if they are all on the rota) and so is trying to get the OP on board without telling her that.
She is being co oerced, perhaps even pressured. but I don't think she is being bullied per se.

I see where Lara is coming from re personal reasons and if that is the case perhaps mentioning that may stop Donna in her tracks. At the end of the day the OP can't/shouldn't be forced but she will have to accept that there will be those who think she should do it. Few of those will see any of her reasons (apart from personal ones) as valid. She will just not have to let that bother her or sway her.

silvercar

At the end of the day the OP can't/shouldn't be forced but she will have to accept that there will be those who think she should do it.

Agree, there always seem to be some who consider looking after babies/ toddlers as generally outside the pool of valid work done to benefit the group and more as looking after your own.

Few of those will see any of her reasons (apart from personal ones) as valid.

As a religious group, many will understand that she has a calling. Even those that belong to be part of a community rather than accepting or understanding that some people are called, will understand that SC helps in other ways that are equally valid.

bylromarha

For Pete's sake - if Donna took this to the leadership of our church, they'd say..."And the problem is...?" Donna would look stupid.

Let Donna and Fred do what they want. I'd reply to the text with a "Thanks for your text. God bless"

Keep saying no whenever asked (don't bring it up). And deal with any repercussions which may arise. And if they take you off the worship leading rota because of it, then pray about if you will be following their leadership wholeheartedly after this affair. And stick to that decision too.

quinechinoise

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't understand this thinking.

My thinking: "She's a mother - of a young child."

If the OP is still recovering from illness and/or is unfit for caring for several children (according to appropriate child-adult ratios), then, of course, she's unsuitable for creche duties. However, this does not seem to be the case.

I think either "Donna" or the OP - or both - should consult with the pastor, as a priority; he will be best placed to determine if the OP's... ministerial inclinations should prevail over, shall we say, ordinary considerations?

skintchick

quinechinoise wrote: »

If the OP is still recovering from illness and/or is unfit for caring for several children (according to appropriate child-adult ratios), then, of course, she's unsuitable for creche duties. However, this does not seem to be the case.

Actually, it was pointed out to me by a nurse yesterday that I am unfit! That hadn't occurred to me beecause I wasn;t looking for short-term excuses not to do creche, I was viewing it overall in terms of callings (which is the most relevant framework within which to view it despite some people's opinions to the contrary).

But as I cannot walk far or fast and am not quick enough to stop a child getting hurt (my own DD crossed the road without me today because she ran ahead and I can't walk, let alone run) then I am not currently fit.


Setting that aside I came on to update anyway.

I know some people on here think I should do it, but I started this thread not to garner opinions on whether I should be on the rota, but to ask advice on how to say I am not going on it, nicely.

So I'm not engaging in conversations about the ins and outs of being on it. I've stated my reasons why, because I thought it was helpful, but by doing that I've given some of you the impression that it was up for discussion, and it's not.

I'm sorry if that enrages/upsets/annoys some of you (poet et al) but I'm not going there, it's not the issue.

What I decided to do was talk in confidence to a good Christian friend, who I trust to tell it like it is, both spiritually and otherwise, and to share with her what God showed me when I prayed, which I won't go into here.

She and I talked for an hour and decided we will meet together with my pastor to discuss the bullying.

She agrees I am not called to childcare, and that the creche should not be run just by parents, but by people called to it. She herself is on the rota for older children as she is called to it despiter her children being grown up.

I am worried about a meeeting with my pastor as after discussion with my husband we have decided that if I am told I have to do it just because I have to, regardless of what God is saying to me, then we as a family will have no option but to leave the church and find somewhere that does listen to God.

I don;t want to leave as I've been there longer than the pastor has, 15 years now, but I have to maintain my spiritual integrity.

I have approached it prayerfully with an open mind (to God, because He is my authority) and believe strongly that He does not wish me to do the creche. I feel no conviction in my heart from Him over my decision and I believe it to be right.

So now I have to trust Him in this and pray for Donna and Fred, as well as for new people to step forward for the rota.

I have chosen to pray blessings on Donna for all her hard work on the rota, and am continuing to try and find peace over what has become an unpleasant and upsetting conversation (with Donna, not on here!).

Thanks everyone for your input, I appreciate everyone's comments, for or against me.

:A

KiKi

Good luck with it all, Skintchick - that's what I would have done, too.

vroombroom

Personally I would have just told her to sod off in the first instance.

skintchick

vroombroom wrote: »

Personally I would have just told her to sod off in the first instance.

:rotfl::rotfl:

I wish I could! but I have to be grown up and circumspect.

victory

skintchick wrote: »

Actually, it was pointed out to me by a nurse yesterday that I am unfit! That hadn't occurred to me beecause I wasn;t looking for short-term excuses not to do creche, I was viewing it overall in terms of callings (which is the most relevant framework within which to view it despite some people's opinions to the contrary).

But as I cannot walk far or fast and am not quick enough to stop a child getting hurt (my own DD crossed the road without me today because she ran ahead and I can't walk, let alone run) then I am not currently fit.


Setting that aside I came on to update anyway.

I know some people on here think I should do it, but I started this thread not to garner opinions on whether I should be on the rota, but to ask advice on how to say I am not going on it, nicely.

So I'm not engaging in conversations about the ins and outs of being on it. I've stated my reasons why, because I thought it was helpful, but by doing that I've given some of you the impression that it was up for discussion, and it's not.

I'm sorry if that enrages/upsets/annoys some of you (poet et al) but I'm not going there, it's not the issue.

What I decided to do was talk in confidence to a good Christian friend, who I trust to tell it like it is, both spiritually and otherwise, and to share with her what God showed me when I prayed, which I won't go into here.

She and I talked for an hour and decided we will meet together with my pastor to discuss the bullying.

She agrees I am not called to childcare, and that the creche should not be run just by parents, but by people called to it. She herself is on the rota for older children as she is called to it despiter her children being grown up.

I am worried about a meeeting with my pastor as after discussion with my husband we have decided that if I am told I have to do it just because I have to, regardless of what God is saying to me, then we as a family will have no option but to leave the church and find somewhere that does listen to God.

I don;t want to leave as I've been there longer than the pastor has, 15 years now, but I have to maintain my spiritual integrity.

I have approached it prayerfully with an open mind (to God, because He is my authority) and believe strongly that He does not wish me to do the creche. I feel no conviction in my heart from Him over my decision and I believe it to be right.

So now I have to trust Him in this and pray for Donna and Fred, as well as for new people to step forward for the rota.

I have chosen to pray blessings on Donna for all her hard work on the rota, and am continuing to try and find peace over what has become an unpleasant and upsetting conversation (with Donna, not on here!).

Thanks everyone for your input, I appreciate everyone's comments, for or against me.

:A

You know skintchick I have really enjoyed your thread, all the way through it has been excellent to see everyone's various ideas on what best to do and it has been a great read, so much so that today on the way back from the my tests I went into the church chapel to say a prayer, so thank you very much:D

Mojisola

quinechinoise wrote: »

You should be on the creche rota. Until your child is too old for the creche. Simple as.

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't understand this thinking.

In a community, people spread the jobs out among everyone.

There could be people who don't have little children at home who would love to be on the creche rota and release the parents to do other work.

skintchick's OH is running the group for the older children so their parents don't have to look after them all the time at church.

quinechinoise wrote: »

My thinking: "She's a mother - of a young child."

Wow! Hands up here as a bad mother, then, because I didn't stay with my children 24/7 until they were independent!

Horror! They were sometimes looked after by other people who really enjoyed spending time with little ones!