Need help with saying no to someone while not falling out

bestpud

This is all getting a bit silly now in my opinion.

If you are adamant you will not be on the creche rota then you need to have the courage of your convictions and say so, loud and clear!

I don't understand religion at all but I do recognise hand wringing when I see it!

Poet has a point I think, as something is stopping you putting an end to this once and for all and I don't believe it is lack of confidence.

Whether God is telling you, or you just don't want to do it, you should be able to say that if you feel strongly enough about it.

If they punish you for it then so be it - by your reckoning, that would be God's way and he'd help you through.

If it is just that you don't want to do it and you are now realising that taking a stand could cost you dearly, now is the time to back down with as much grace as you can muster.

Stringing it out on here is not going to help - it kind of smacks of attention seeking now. Either that or deliberately provoking whoever it was who pm'd you.

Step back into the real world and deal with it.

mrcow

skintchick wrote: »

I am thinking I might reply tomorrow saying "I have already prayed about it. Maybe you should pray? I find it hard to believe God is saying completely opposite things to each of us."

Or is that fuelling the fire?

It's fuelling the fire for sure.

You don't actually have to say or anything else on this. You've made your position clear. Don't engage in any more conversations about it and ignore the text (or just text back and say as far as you are concerned, the matter is closed). If they bring it up, just happily change the subject and make it difficult to bring it upwith you again.

The rota will be written and done soon enough. And you won't be on it.

If he takes you off any other rotas, get yourself put back on them.

Bullying is easy to deal with if you use a subtle mixture of digging your heels in and selective hearing.

pigpen

Having removed my children from attending a church where there was bullying and nastiness severe homophobia and other awful things going on I'd say.. find somewhere else!!!

Tell them you don't need to pray you have free will that God gave you and you are authorising its use in this instance because you do not and will not do it and you don't care if she goes to God himself you have said no and if you hear any more about you will take it further.

And your next sermon.. make it about bullying!

CH27

I would email or text Donna & say ''I've already told you my decision & I will not change my mind. Please stop hassling me''

mrcow

pigpen wrote: »

And your next sermon.. make it about bullying!

That's quite a passive/aggressive thing to do though.

It could be quite hurtful for all concerned and would be a misuse of the sermon.

I'm sure that it does go on in many churches, by those who should know better. But that doesn't make it right.

CH27

mrcow wrote: »

That's quite a passive/aggressive thing to do though.

It could be quite hurtful for all concerned and would be a misuse of the sermon.

I'm sure that it does go on in many churches, by those who should know better. But that doesn't make it right.

Having been on the receiving end of one I can say it was very hurtful & was a major factor in my leaving.

ValHaller

lostinrates wrote: »

In the least offensive way I can think to say this , I find it very confusing of God that you can pray and receive guidance to one thing, while Fred and Donna might be feeling the guidance is the contrary. It's very confusing, but I think we have to assume or at least contemplate they are doing the same....praying and doing what they feel they are guided too.

There is nothing offensive about this. It is the key to understanding.

Once you realise that skintchick is serving a different god from that of Fred, Donna and the Pastor, there is nothing confusing about it.

CH27

ValHaller wrote: »

There is nothing offensive about this. It is the key to understanding.

Once you realise that skintchick is serving a different god from that of Fred, Donna and the Pastor, there is nothing confusing about it.

Are you implying that Skintchick is serving her own agenda?:o

ValHaller

CH27 wrote: »

Are you implying that Skintchick is serving her own agenda?:o

Assistant pastors' wives are appointed assistant pastors' wives by god. Did Moses not text down the 10 commandments from the top of the mountain to his brother Aaron?

So draw your own conclusions.

poet123

coolcait wrote: »

But, you are putting your own personal, secular views and experiences onto the OP's personal, religious views and experiences.

The two are unlikely to overlap.

Whereas, the role of Chair of the PTA is much more likely to overlap with supervision at discos, outings etc. Sadly.

In my view, the OP has been completely honest about her reasons for not wanting to be part of the creche rota.

Those reasons may not fit in with my personal views/beliefs on religion, religious communities, rotas, 'creches', or anything else that has been discussed on the thread.

But, I 'see' where she's coming from - and I see it in a very different way from the way that your posts depict it.

So, I can't agree with you on this one.

I am not seeing it from a secular standpoint. I may have used a secular example, but I could equally have used a religious example. The ladies who do flowers at my local church are also on the refreshment rota. The ones who run the liturgy group are also on other rotas.

Obviously everyone looks at things differently, but I think the fact that the OP refuses to detail the actual hours required is telling. It is not about time constraints, if it was, time would be the thing she focused on. It is about the lack of desire to take part in this particular church activity, but it is being dressed up as something different.

I think she wants to look at it in that way because it is more palatable both to herself, and she hoped, to others.

It is entirely up to the OP whether she does any job within her church, and which jobs she does. However, if all the other parents do take a turn on the rota and is it not an onerous commitment she needs to find the wherewithal to simply refuse.

I think all this reference to praying about it is adding fuel to the fire, there is room for a comeback from others within that. If she simply says "no, sorry,it is not for me" they are left in no doubt and have no wiggle room.