Need help with saying no to someone while not falling out

Newly_retired

I agree that you should not need to be on this rota because of all the other things you do in this church, especially leading worship. That should take priority, and will presumably leave you with very few
Sundays when you could be free to be on this creche rota.
Are all the rotas synchronised?

I agree that you should not feel bullied into agreeing. So if Donna produces a new rota with you on it, could you personally find a substitute to do it? That would be charitable. Somebody who would actually enjoy it and doesn't otherwise get involved?

If Donna is petty enough to go to the senior pastor to complain about you, that shows her up for what she is, in my opinion.
You could pre-empt that conversation by going to the pastor yourself first, but that makes you seem petty as well, though I don't think you are.

As I said before, I think the 3-5 age group should not be in a creche with a rota of minders, they should have a group of their own with age-related activities, properly organised.
As a parent I would be concerned that my child was not being properly catered for in a group of 0 - 4+ yr olds.
Is that a possibility? or would it just put more strain on the people who are able to run things?
If you were to suggest it, of course you might be expected to organise it!!

quinechinoise

You should be on the creche rota. Until your child is too old for the creche. Simple as.

What you think God is saying to you about ministration... Well, that's between you and Him. It is an entirely separate issue.

Mojisola

quinechinoise wrote: »

You should be on the creche rota. Until your child is too old for the creche. Simple as.

What you think God is saying to you about ministration... Well, that's between you and Him. It is an entirely separate issue.

I don't understand this thinking.

In a community, people spread the jobs out among everyone.

There could be people who don't have little children at home who would love to be on the creche rota and release the parents to do other work.

skintchick's OH is running the group for the older children so their parents don't have to look after them all the time at church.

tea_lover

quinechinoise wrote: »

You should be on the creche rota. Until your child is too old for the creche. Simple as.

Why? I genuinely don't understand that.

Does that also mean that the OP's husband shouldn't be on the rota for an age group they don't have children in?

Does it mean that you can only look after children if you have some of your own at exactly the same age?

Seems a very odd way of distributing what needs doing. How far does it extend - if you work in a cafe do you have to help with refreshments? If you work in a printers do you have to help produce service sheets?

Lara44

Sorry to hear about this new development. I would probably reply in a friendly tone saying "we probably have to agree to disagree on the creche issue, but I'm happy to talk to the Pastor about it anytime" and "I'm happy that my position is the result of prayer and contemplation"

If that doesn't stop them, then they are really forcing the issue!! The nuclear option would be for your DH to withdraw from helping the older children and take your own child into services.

If your reluctance to take creche is also for personal reasons then I might consider explaining that. You have gone through a lot in your own life in the last few years. (I hope that doesn't come across as insensitive as it isn't the intention ).

ValHaller

Lara44 wrote: »

I would probably reply in a friendly tone saying "we probably have to agree to disagree on the creche issue, but I'm happy to talk to the Pastor about it anytime"

'Agreeing to disagree' is a wind up phrase to be avoided

Lara44

Why? I don't think of it that way. I think it's a polite way of saying we have positions that are not likely to be reconciled, so let's not let that get in the way of our relationship.

Am not trolling BTW - am genuinely interested (but apologies if this is diverting the thread).

lostinrates

Lara44 wrote: »

Why? I don't think of it that way. I think it's a polite way of saying we have positions that are not likely to be reconciled, so let's not let that get in the way of our relationship.

Am not trolling BTW - am genuinely interested (but apologies if this is diverting the thread).

Lara, I feel the same way.

In our social circle are people with what I consider hardline views in opposite standpoints on various things...if we didn't all agree to disagree....often, and often after lively debate, we could not all stay friends.

Agreeing to disagree he continue to 'love thy neighbour' was a tenant of how I was taught.

ValHaller

Lara44 wrote: »

Why? I don't think of it that way. I think it's a polite way of saying we have positions that are not likely to be reconciled, so let's not let that get in the way of our relationship

I think that in some circles, saying " we have positions that are not likely to be reconciled, so let's not let that get in the way of our relationship" is less inflamatory than saying "we probably have to agree to disagree". The latter comes across as a rather pusillanimous cop out and will not play out well in evangelical circles. A word to avoid is 'compromise'.

silvercar

Any thoughts, lovely people? Please base your replies on the knowledge that I HAVE prayed about it and I do NOT believe this is what God wants me to do, I strongly believe He wants me to focus on the worship and evangelism, and I have already told Donna this but she is seemingly choosing to ignore that.

I am at a loss. I feel bullied and I don't understand why she is making such a big deal of this. It's a voluntary rota I never wanted to be on in the first place, and I have done it for a year to help them out.

I think you are being called to toughen up, to learn that sometimes you have to deal with difficult people, that standing up for yourself makes your stronger, that other people need to learn that they can't push others to their way.

Its not an easy journey and maybe there is an imbalance between your ability to lead services etc and your ways of standing up for what you think is right.

Others are learning from this as well, maybe Donna is learning that she cannot bully people into submission, that her people skills are being stretched, so she too can grow and hopefully become a better person.

If you don't stand up to her, she will bully other people down the line. Even to an extent of using you as an example of someone who did creche even though they had other commitments.