Need help with saying no to someone while not falling out

poet123

skintchick wrote: »

Actually, it was pointed out to me by a nurse yesterday that I am unfit! That hadn't occurred to me beecause I wasn;t looking for short-term excuses not to do creche, I was viewing it overall in terms of callings (which is the most relevant framework within which to view it despite some people's opinions to the contrary).

But as I cannot walk far or fast and am not quick enough to stop a child getting hurt (my own DD crossed the road without me today because she ran ahead and I can't walk, let alone run) then I am not currently fit.


Setting that aside I came on to update anyway.

I know some people on here think I should do it, but I started this thread not to garner opinions on whether I should be on the rota, but to ask advice on how to say I am not going on it, nicely.

So I'm not engaging in conversations about the ins and outs of being on it. I've stated my reasons why, because I thought it was helpful, but by doing that I've given some of you the impression that it was up for discussion, and it's not.

I'm sorry if that enrages/upsets/annoys some of you (poet et al) but I'm not going there, it's not the issue.

What I decided to do was talk in confidence to a good Christian friend, who I trust to tell it like it is, both spiritually and otherwise, and to share with her what God showed me when I prayed, which I won't go into here.

She and I talked for an hour and decided we will meet together with my pastor to discuss the bullying.

She agrees I am not called to childcare, and that the creche should not be run just by parents, but by people called to it. She herself is on the rota for older children as she is called to it despiter her children being grown up.

I am worried about a meeeting with my pastor as after discussion with my husband we have decided that if I am told I have to do it just because I have to, regardless of what God is saying to me, then we as a family will have no option but to leave the church and find somewhere that does listen to God.

I don;t want to leave as I've been there longer than the pastor has, 15 years now, but I have to maintain my spiritual integrity.

I have approached it prayerfully with an open mind (to God, because He is my authority) and believe strongly that He does not wish me to do the creche. I feel no conviction in my heart from Him over my decision and I believe it to be right.

So now I have to trust Him in this and pray for Donna and Fred, as well as for new people to step forward for the rota.

I have chosen to pray blessings on Donna for all her hard work on the rota, and am continuing to try and find peace over what has become an unpleasant and upsetting conversation (with Donna, not on here!).

Thanks everyone for your input, I appreciate everyone's comments, for or against me.

:A

Goodness, you do seem to read people wrongly. I am not any of those things.:rotfl:

I was merely putting across how I viewed the situation. I haven't changed my view after reading your comments. However, what does occur is your obvious belief that if you do not get your way it is the others who are not listening to God. it comes across as quite arrogant thb.

I am religious, but in such a situation I think it is a cop out to put the decision with God rather than be honest and say I really don't want to do this and that is the way it is. If I am honest I also find your comments about praying for Donna a touch superior.

I also think that discussing "bullying" with your pastor, and worse, taking someone else with you to bolster your point when that person only has your take on the issue in relation to Donna, is unkind and quite nasty.

And as for not being called to childcare......again, it smacks of believing that you are better suited to more interesting or elevated tasks.

I am just left with the feeling that humility and personal responsibility for what you think others will view as an unacceptable choice is being cloaked in more the palatable guise of your "calling" and "God's will".

Just my opinion of course and not one expressed in annoyance, rage or any other strong emotion, strange you would think that was the case.

Sambucus_Nigra

skintchick wrote: »

I don't believe she has prayed about it. And that is backed up by the word I had yesterday and what my friend has also received from God.

So why isn't God saying the same thing to Donna?

skintchick

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

So why isn't God saying the same thing to Donna?

I don't think she has actually asked him!

But I don't think getting into the ins and outs of her prayer life on here is going to be helpful.

bylromarha

Like I've said before, leading a kids group I know it is rare you find people who are called to kids work. Most of us just get on and do it as it needs to be done.

And that is what I'd have said to the OP on the calling issue - had her husband not been doing kids work already. Some jobs just need doing, and as a family they are stepping up to it. You don't pray about it, you just have to get it done and take your turn, which they are.

OP - I'm not sure your solution is the best one. If you feel you have to talk to your pastor about it and make it a bigger deal than you already are, then it is you and your husband who need to meet with your pastor. Don't take your friend with you.

I still think you just need to keep saying no whenever asked. Some people just can't hear a no, and the more you repeat it, the more it gets through.

Nicki

skintchick wrote: »

I don't think she has actually asked him!

But I don't think getting into the ins and outs of her prayer life on here is going to be helpful.

And definitely not for the entertainment value of a few posters!

poet123

skintchick wrote: »

I don't think she has actually asked him!

But I don't think getting into the ins and outs of her prayer life on here is going to be helpful.

How can you know what anyone prays about unless they tell you?
Is it that you believe she can't have prayed about it because she has an opinion which differs from yours? How bizarre.

Why bring prayer into it at all? Given the circumstances the same answer cannot be given to you both and you both be satisfied. So, just tell her that you simply don't want to do it, it may not be as palatable to her or others, but so what?

Torry_Quine

poet123 wrote: »

How can you know what anyone prays about unless they tell you?
Is it that you believe she can't have prayed about it because she has an opinion which differs from yours? How bizarre.

Why bring prayer into it at all? Given the circumstances the same answer cannot be given to you both and you both be satisfied. So, just tell her that you simply don't want to do it, it may not be as palatable to her or others, but so what?

I would have thought that as a Christian prayer would obviously be brought into it. Something as important as this needs prayer if only to confirm God's will for you. Obviously no-one can ever know what God says to another person. Skintchick has told her that she doesn't want to do it while explaining why.

lostinrates

Nicki wrote: »

And definitely not for the entertainment value of a few posters!

I would just like to say while some may be getting entertainment, I feel I am learning. I like hearing about how people pray and how it impacts on them and certainly how different religious groups do things. I feel it enriches life, not just passes time by but educates me. (and I hope others)

poet123

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I would have thought that as a Christian prayer would obviously be brought into it. Something as important as this needs prayer if only to confirm God's will for you. Obviously no-one can ever know what God says to another person. Skintchick has told her that she doesn't want to do it while explaining why.

You can/would do it privately of course, but to use it as a "cloak" for what is essentially an exercise in free will; a choice to do or not to do creche duty (this isn't world peace we are discussing) is silly. It does not need to be mentioned as the reason. No one can know what God says to others or if they have prayed about xyz, yet Skintchick appears to believe she does.

Sambucus_Nigra

Nicki wrote: »

And definitely not for the entertainment value of a few posters!

I'm genuinely interested in how 2 people who are supposedly being guided by the same 'God' are coming to completely different conclusions. Surely if it's God's will that Skinty doesn't do the creche, then Donna will know this during her sessions with him. If he does want Skinty to do it, then he would let her know during their time together.

It's a conundrum to be sure.