Need help with saying no to someone while not falling out

skintchick

I thought I'd best come back, although I have had a PM telling me off for "airing one's dirty linen in public". I feel properly chastised

I'm not going to respond to the people who want me to justify why I won't do the creche any more. You may well feel I should do it but I do not, and I don't think a discussion along those lines is helpful, although feel free to argue amongst yourselves on that one.

Nothing was said to me on Sunday so I am hoping that Donna and Fred have prayed and thought, and decided to leave it.I'd have preferred them to let me know they'd accepted my decision, as I feel I still need to be on my guard, but nonetheless nothing has been said so I can only imagine they've understood what I've said.

I'm really grateful to everyone for their input.

Torry_Quine

skintchick wrote: »

I thought I'd best come back, although I have had a PM telling me off for "airing one's dirty linen in public". I feel properly chastised

I'm not going to respond to the people who want me to justify why I won't do the creche any more. You may well feel I should do it but I do not, and I don't think a discussion along those lines is helpful, although feel free to argue amongst yourselves on that one.

Nothing was said to me on Sunday so I am hoping that Donna and Fred have prayed and thought, and decided to leave it.I'd have preferred them to let me know they'd accepted my decision, as I feel I still need to be on my guard, but nonetheless nothing has been said so I can only imagine they've understood what I've said.

I'm really grateful to everyone for their input.

Sorry to hear of the PM. Hope that all is resolved now.

Brighton_belle

Thanks for updating skintchic. I too hope they have come to accept your choices.
Sorry to hear about the PM. I personally found it quite refreshing that someone is open about the issues that can arise in church/between christians rather than pretending some super spiritual aura of invincabilty.

skintchick

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Thanks for updating skintchic. I too hope they have come to accept your choices.
Sorry to hear about the PM. I personally found it quite refreshing that someone is open about the issues that can arise in church/between christians rather than pretending some super spiritual aura of invincabilty.

Thanks. I was accused of bringing Christians into disrepute

But I don't think it is just a spiritual issue - and there is a lot of wisdom on here.

I was asked on the PM why I didn;t just talk to some other Christians but actually I felt to chat about it to others in my church would be gossiping. Being able to talk anonymously on here has been useful as none of you know any of us and have therefore been open and honest and unbiased.

Anyway, I think it's resolved now albeit I don;t know for sure! DD starts school in September and then she will be in the next group up (which my OH runs) so it will resolve itself then if not before.

victory

skintchick wrote: »

I thought I'd best come back, although I have had a PM telling me off for "airing one's dirty linen in public". I feel properly chastised

It's a terrible shame that people want to PM you in that tone, a real shame

mrcow

skintchick wrote: »

Thanks. I was accused of bringing Christians into disrepute

I hope you filed that PM in the bin where it belongs. And didn't flatter the sender with a response?

Why do people write such complete and utter tripe? You can ask whatever questions you like, and to whomever you choose.

We're a nosey bunch - we like a good gossip

skintchick

mrcow wrote: »

I hope you filed that PM in the bin where it belongs. And didn't flatter the sender with a response?

Why do people write such complete and utter tripe? You can ask whatever questions you like, and to whomever you choose.

We're a nosey bunch - we like a good gossip

I haven;t replied, but I did check the sender out and they are relatively new, only seem to post on the freebies/deals/eBay board and their tone in posts is the same as the Pm, so it might not have been meant as badly as it read!

skintchick

Oh dear. I'm afraid my Pm correspondent is going to continue to be Disgruntled of MSE.

I have had A Text.

In it Donna apologises for going quiet on "the creche conversation", says she doesn't feel she is "the right person to be challenging you on it" and asks me to pray about it and speak to my personal pastor about it, while she will "take it to the leadership" in order to "get some perspective on it".

There is much I could say. I won't right now. I'm considering what to do next.

Any thoughts, lovely people? Please base your replies on the knowledge that I HAVE prayed about it and I do NOT believe this is what God wants me to do, I strongly believe He wants me to focus on the worship and evangelism, and I have already told Donna this but she is seemingly choosing to ignore that.

I am at a loss. I feel bullied and I don't understand why she is making such a big deal of this. It's a voluntary rota I never wanted to be on in the first place, and I have done it for a year to help them out.

I don't want to leave my church over this, but I cannot accept people in leadership thinking it appropriate to bully me until I do what they want regardless of whether I feel it is the right thing to do.

Torry_Quine

skintchick wrote: »

Oh dear. I'm afraid my Pm correspondent is going to continue to be Disgruntled of MSE.

I have had A Text.

In it Donna apologises for going quiet on "the creche conversation", says she doesn't feel she is "the right person to be challenging you on it" and asks me to pray about it and speak to my personal pastor about it, while she will "take it to the leadership" in order to "get some perspective on it".

There is much I could say. I won't right now. I'm considering what to do next.

Any thoughts, lovely people? Please base your replies on the knowledge that I HAVE prayed about it and I do NOT believe this is what God wants me to do, I strongly believe He wants me to focus on the worship and evangelism, and I have already told Donna this but she is seemingly choosing to ignore that.

I am at a loss. I feel bullied and I don't understand why she is making such a big deal of this. It's a voluntary rota I never wanted to be on in the first place, and I have done it for a year to help them out.

I don't want to leave my church over this, but I cannot accept people in leadership thinking it appropriate to bully me until I do what they want regardless of whether I feel it is the right thing to do.

Maybe you need to approach the pastor first and explain things before she gets to him. You're right she is bullying you and that isjust not acceptable.

You have prayed about this and it's clear to you that this is not appropriate for you at this time. To me the creche is a service that the church provides as part of the ministry for the benefit of all and Donna has no right to challenge you as to what God wants for you.

Mojisola

skintchick wrote: »

In it Donna apologises for going quiet on "the creche conversation", says she doesn't feel she is "the right person to be challenging you on it" and asks me to pray about it and speak to my personal pastor about it, while she will "take it to the leadership" in order to "get some perspective on it".

There is much I could say. I won't right now. I'm considering what to do next.

Any thoughts, lovely people? Please base your replies on the knowledge that I HAVE prayed about it and I do NOT believe this is what God wants me to do, I strongly believe He wants me to focus on the worship and evangelism, and I have already told Donna this but she is seemingly choosing to ignore that.

I am at a loss. I feel bullied and I don't understand why she is making such a big deal of this. It's a voluntary rota I never wanted to be on in the first place, and I have done it for a year to help them out.

I don't want to leave my church over this, but I cannot accept people in leadership thinking it appropriate to bully me until I do what they want regardless of whether I feel it is the right thing to do.

I'd be inclined to reply saying what you've said here - "The cheche rota is voluntary and I reluctantly helped last year but I don't have time this year."

Don't get into discussions about your other service and having prayed about it and so on - it only opens up more points that they can challenge you on.

There's no need for you to discuss it with your pastor - she has no right to suggest you should. By saying you should she's implying that you're in the wrong and that you need someone in authority to tell you to do what Donna wants you to do.

She can't force you to turn up at the creche so what's the worst that can happen - your child being refused a place at the creche? If that doesn't show Donna in her true light to the rest of the church, perhaps they're not the right people to be with.