What on earth have I done, what on earth should I do :(

back2square1

You can find out about counselling via your GP, they have all the information regarding qualified counsellors in your area. Some GP's have a counsellor employed at their practice. However bear in mind there are normally waiting lists.
MIND - is a mental health charity that supports people who are encountering difficulties within their life whether it is relationship breakdown or anything very very serious. My sister used to work for them and I used their services and it was a tremendous help. All the counsellors are qualified but they volunteer their services to MIND however you can make a donation towards the charity.

MIND also have advocacy workers who will be able to give you advice regarding benefits (housing, council tax, etc) if you need this support.

I strongly recommend you visit your doctor as soon as possible, just chatting to a GP is a step in the right direction. They may offer you anti-depressants but that is entirely up to you and your personal circumstances but this is something you would have to seriously consider if you are offered them by GP. You are under no obligation to take them. I would definitely say just going along to your GP and talking about your problems will really help. A problem shared is a problem halved - so to speak. And getting it all off your chest can be a very uplifting experience.

I hope everything works out for you, be strong!

Try and talk to your girlfriend regarding the issues you have in your relationship but remember YOUR priority is YOURSELF. Put yourself first.

november

Anarchist wrote: »

Some fantastic advice, thanks for all that. I'll definately go through it all this afternoon and try to find some sort of way through all this.

I know if I moved closer to where the majority of my colleagues live, I'd have others I can see and speak to out of work. It may also get me by not having a car until its fixed/paid for, as I could carshare for work.

Sounds like a good idea - having friends around is good

I don't know if you are on a low income and would have problems finding a deposit but if so and if you want to pm me the area in which you live I can let you know if there is a deposit bond scheme in your area.

Another thing I used to do when I needed somewhere to live is simply mention it to friends, colleagues etc - people may know of somewhere, someone may be looking for a house share - and they would never know you were looking unless you tell them. There is no need to tell them all the personal stuff as to why unless you want to, you could simply say you want to move closer to work.

I may look into counselling, its not something that I would ever have thought would give me any benefit but I'm willing to give it a try, it can't do any harm.

Does anybody have any info on who/where I should go for this?

Back2square1 has already provided excellent advice on this.

Also to echo what the OP said - you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

Best wishes and good luck

Anarchist

I'm not particularly on a low income (around £20k), but I do have a few debts (like most people on this site I imagine!) that take a reasonable sized chunk out of that per month. I'm sure I could probably just afford to get by, renting a half decent place near work (I don't work in a very nice area you see, which is why I live a fair distance away) until I'm back on my feet.

I work in a small business, so we tend to mostly know each others business (except for this current episode with me which we've miraculously kept quiet somehow! I hope!)

angeldeelite

the worst part about it is her attitude that 'this is the way i am, you must chagne and accept that'.

to me that seems she's not all the bothered that she shouts at you. I've been going through patches of depression for the last 9 months, and very bad pmt. I sometimes take things out on my boyfriend that are not his fault. But i apologise so much because i feel like such a !!!!! when i do it. I accept that it's me and not him. If your gf can't do that then i'm afraid she doesn't sound like she's going to change

victory

No one deserves to be shouted at or talked to in the way that your gf seems to feel is acceptable...it isn't... you are a special person that deserves to be treated properly (never forget that) and your gf has no intentions of calming down and being more civilized that she is now as she gets away with it.

It is a destructive relationship and it is making you ill by not eating properly, taking proper care of yourself and your needs, you need and deserve better, if you gf will not listen to you, you have to get out before it is too late and all you can see ahead of yourself is negatives.....you have to fill your life with positives and this situation is not one of them

cupid_s

She has already told you to change and accept her or to leave. Well I don't think you should accept her behaviour. It's childish and virtually (actually?) abuse what she is doing to you. I sometimes treat my DH how you've described (but not as bad) and like angeldeelite I feel awful and accept it's my fault and try to change as I know I'm in the wrong. But she just doesn't seem to care about anyone, especially you and you do deserve someone better.

Your health is more important than anything so please move out asap. If someone is looking for a lodger or a housemate it probably will be cheaper than you paying for everything your gf expects you to. You might even be better off financially!

Good luck with leaving
x

SSB

Hi
Keeping a diary can be extremely helpful in this situation. Write down your daily life, especially the time with your GF and most importantly write down how you FEEL! If you decide to end this relationship, the diary will be a good way to remind you about the reasons.
There are times when you will think, why did I leave? Reading the diary will then bring it all back to you, it will remind you of all the rows, lack of warmth etc... Good luck to you what ever you decide.

scoobydo_2

Hi I wanted to tell you that caring affectionate men like you are very rare I'd love to find someone like you .there are alot of people out there who would .This sounds like the g/f has a very imature attitude to you and relationships , they are all about comprimise and give and take .
You need to have some time to your self to think what it is you really want out of your life , it is lonely on your own I know my ex husband left me 4 years ago and I am on my own .It does make you rethink your life and you will meet someone who you can truely love . Do you mind if I ask if you do love this girl ??
Are you over what happened in your past maybe this needs dealing with as well .
would love to hug you and let you know the worlds not all bad , take care .

MrsTinks

If you are a good employee why not speak to your employer? They might be willing to lend you some money for a deposit on a small flat and allow you to pay back over a few months... Seriously speak to them! If one of my staff came and asked I would go kick some director butt and get them the loan from the company.
Stop trying to salvage this relationship - even if only until you are away from living together. You need your own space right now and by the sounds of it then I think she does too... And the "I'll be better when we move out of the caravan" cuts no ice I'm afraid... I fell for that line many years ago and trust me they DON'T change!
Ok you screwed up by sleeping with the girl from work, kick yourself please and then get on with it. I hate cheaters but as others have said, it's happened - get on with life. At the moment I certainly wouldn't go telling her about it! Unless you want her to turn very nasty (I know I would!)...

So chin up, call the docs for an appointment and get referred to a councillor or call the samaritans and START EATING. Years ago when my somewhat controlling OH dumped me 3 months before our wedding I stopped eating for nearly a week, I went into total depression barely eating anything for months and felt like a totla failure. My family were back in Denmark, I had nothing that was mine really as we lived with his parents whilst saving up for a deposit for a house, I found a new job about 200 miles away from him and continued to beat my self up over being a failure and was on the verge of moving home to my mum (in Denmark so a LONG way away) when he decided he wanted me back... biggest mistake in my life! I wasted another couple of years of my life I will never get back. Eventually he ditched me again shortly before our wedding and I cried for about an hour and then realised he wasn't worth it. I piced myself up, flew home for a week then returned and started afresh. I walked away with serious debts ( he got the house, I got debts - best bargain I ever had!) but stronger and a heck of a lot wiser than ever and I haven't looked back since
If I can change so much then you can too
But unlike me... don't wait for her to throw you out, leave on your terms

mummytofour

You are sounding so much more positive, well done!

To me it does sound like you need to spend some time finding out who you are, it is hard when you are in a relationship for any length of time to remember what its like to be just you. The OH does sound like she may have a problem or two of her own, she sounds quite slefish and that she takes you for granted.
Good luck with finding a new place and stay strong you can do this.
Vxx