What on earth have I done, what on earth should I do :(

antronella

Yup..but thats why its good that you didn't go along with the relationship for any longer. 5 years becomes 10, 12....the years come and go and it gets more difficult as time goes on because you've invested so much into it.

Anarchist

I used to go to the gym, stopped when trouble decided she couldnt be bothered to go anymore and she didn't want me out leaving her at home. I could probably get back into that (assuming I can now afford it!)

I used to do ballroom dancing with her, I quite enjoyed that (despite her being absolutely rubbish and embarassing me all the time) but obviously now I've had to stop. I suppose I could look for somewhere else to go instead. I'm the type of person that'll give anything a go (sometimes with a little encouragement) though. I used to be into my cycling, walking, motorsports - gosh, just reminds me of how I used to do so much before her!

duchy

Might be a new year offer-give the local gyms a call. Bound to be a local cycling club too.
Might be worth keeping an eye out for evening part-time bar jobs too. Get you out of the house and is social but earning a little money rather than spending it....or better still at the gym-free use of the gym and been paid to meet people whilst you work

groatie_queen

Dear A,

Big hugs to you. As with others who have walked away from emotional and verbal abuse, all I can say is that you deserve a good life and it will get better. It's no wonder you feel shell shocked atm, but I detect a healthy note of relief as well.

As already suggested, do something positive for Christmas, and don't lose sight of your own good qualities - you come across as a caring, thoughtful and decent person.

For the time being, be kind to yourself and do everything you can to nurture YOU. You're in rehab from a toxic relationship. You deserve to be treated with love, respect and caring, and that will come in due course. After 5 years of gradually increasing abuse, (and your childhood), you've got quite an adjustment to make, but this is the beginning of a brighter future.

It will be what you make of it, now is your chance to start afresh and live life positively. It's best looked upon as another adventure! Just remember you're not alone, you deserve the best in life, and let it happen.

All the best

GQ

Sola

I don't see why you have to stop the ballroom dancing - can you imagine how well a single guy would go down as an available dance partner? Okay, change the venue if she's likely to still go to that particular one.

Definitely have a look at Gumtree.com - there's so much going on there, and there'll be something in your area.

Sola

If you're at a loose end over Christmas, could you volunteer in a homeless shelter or similar?

Happychappy

Why not shack up with the bird from the office, or shag you way through the whole office and come up with a hard luck story each time, quite clearly your a hit with the ladies ? all this virtual hug crap from the ladies who post this hug stuff, hope their ladies ! ; ) but still its a diverse world, really doesnt wash with me, your a dirty little dog who went out shagging when you were with your partner, but good luck to you mate, like your unique style ; )

Anarchist

Happychappy wrote: »

Why not shack up with the bird from the office, or shag you way through the whole office and come up with a hard luck story each time, quite clearly your a hit with the ladies ? all this virtual hug crap from the ladies who post this hug stuff, hope their ladies ! ; ) but still its a diverse world, really doesnt wash with me, your a dirty little dog who went out shagging when you were with your partner, but good luck to you mate, like your unique style ; )

Ha ha, have to be honest, sorry everyone but this post made me smile for the first time in ages

Anarchist

Thanks for all the advise everyone, I'm gonna take a few bits of it onboard. I'll start going back to the gym - hopefully as you say there should be some new years offers on soon to take up on. Ballroom dancing I had to stop because my ex and her mum still go there, so I'll have to change venues. I know someone who'd probably go with me now (and would probably be a much better dance partner than my ex).

I'm not in London (or that half of the country!) so gumtree isn't that much use to be honest.

I have thought about the part time bar work, couldn't be anywhere too loud though as my hearing isnt great and I struggle! Or, as you say, the gym might be good if I could get evening work/weekend work there.

Crikey, its amazing how text from a few complete strangers can make you feel so much better.

Thanks all!

Sunflower2007

Hiya,
I haven't read all the posts (just first and last couple) but just wanted to say I think you're doing very well. Its not easy making big changes to your life and moving away from a comfort zone.
I'm also having some relationship problems and trying to work out what I want and whether I have the courage to speak up.

I think that you need to concentrate on *you* and make positive changes to your life for *you*. Counselling is a good way of talking to someone neutral who will help you find a focus.

I hope what I've said makes sense. Apologies if it doesnt but I hope you feel better and that you have my support.
Big hugs.